The Adventures Of Skippy & PJ: Chapter 4

Here we are, Chapter 4 already. The Adventures of Skippy & PJ follows the story of two brave gamers who dare leave the sanctity of their dungeons and dragons to venture out into the real world and become gaming masters.

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Chapter 4: A Rush Of Blade To The Head

*Warning: may contain traces of gore, violence and pre-God of War excitement.

PJ ran, he ran until he could run no more and then he ran some more because he didn’t quite know the meaning of the word stop, literally he didn’t. Therefore it was a sad moment for those who believe in evolution when PJ’s body screamed stop and he just kept on going for surely such biological stupidity would have been stamped out by the magic of evolution long ago, if the theory of evolution were in fact true. Thus PJ ran enough miles to make Forrest proud and eventually he tripped and stopped. He had tripped on a pebble, to be more specific, and stopped had on a little stretch of highway 12 called ‘The Dead’s Doorway to Hell’. It was so named because there was a cemetery there that was used for the dead bodies of sinners and n0obs alike. In fact, it had a 1 acre spot reserved for George Lucas and a few of his closest minions. Across the road there was a really nice diner that actually served up some really good food. PJ walked in and noticed that everybody was staring at him; this could have something to do with him being only the second Asian guy to walk into the diner since it had opened and he was in fact in the heart of Alabama. Oh shit.

He walked with a bit more swagger because he thought it would make him look more intimidating but it must have put across a very different image since a waitress walked past and said “Men’s room is at the back, first door on the left.”

PJ, not knowing what was going on went to the men’s room and stood there not knowing what to do. A man in a suit walked in, went into a cubicle and pulled two pistols out of the toilet there, walked up to PJ and knocked him out cold (this will start happening less often after today if PJ’s wimpyness is getting to you, you manly man).

PJ awoke to find that he was sitting in one of the diner’s booths except…he looked around… except everybody that had been in the diner was now dead. Sitting in front of him was what appeared to be a Sackboy in a hoody. “What happen?” asked PJ in that oh so comedic voice of his.

“He went mad, just shot the whole place up,” the Sackboy said gesturing to the man in the suit,”he’s an assassin, or at least was, it’s a professional hazard. Eventually the job just becomes too much and they off themselves. I saved your life, if you haven’t already grasped that.”

“Thank you, but what are you doing here and why me?”

“First off, you can call me Marty and secondly I’m here to help you on your journey.”

“What journey?”
“Your journey, the one that you have been on since your childhood; the one that will end with you exacting your revenge on the Nantendo Ninja Clan. You see, you are rather pathetic at gaming despite your ambitions to become a gaming master but you are no ordinary n0ob. You are the chosen one, the one who will lead us to victory against the oppressive Nantendos. What you did in your apartment the other day was just the tip of the iceberg in terms of what your Spaz Powers™ are capable of. You are capable of so much more than that and I’m here to get you to a place where you can develop your skills.

Suddenly, there was the crash of breaking glass and before they even had time to register it, PJ & Marty were both surrounded by an entire group of Nantendo foot soldiers. They were green orange black with guns crowbars katanas and each at least 5 feet tall (they’re Japanese, how tall do you want them to be?). Thus ensued the most epic battle of PJ’s life because indeed it was the first battle of his life. Nonetheless, it was rather epic. PJ opened up his radial menu and selected SpazCannon™ which allowed him to fire bolts of spasmodic energy at people. It was quite a sight as it involved PJ writhing and spasming as if being electrocuted while eating cake while he shot his bolts at ninjas who in turn started to spasm uncontrollably and utter random Japanese curses. Take a moment to picture that scene.

Marty on the other hand had been overwhelmed by at least six ninjas and looked to be nearing his end when suddenly (can you image how boring this would be if it had not been sudden) he whipped out a piece of Nando’s chicken which began to glow and just when it seemed as if the glow could not intensify any more, the ninjas exploded with a sort of pop, like when popcorn pops. More began to approach Marty with his awesomely glowing weapon just as the chicken leg’s glow gave out. Oh No! Not really because Marty then pulled out a blade which had been cast upon the fires of a Nando’s grill (specifically the one in that dark corner of the world known as The Cape Flats) and dipped in the purest Extra-Hot Peri-Peri poison.

They didn’t stand a chance. He weaved this way and that sliced across, up, down, diagonally. He leaped up into the air, and clove an anonymous enemy completely in twain from head to toe. He then lunged forward and caught an enemy low in the gut, dragged his blade upward until it caught in the enemies head and then catapulted said enemy into a quartet of approaching ninjas. He then sheathed his blade and began accumulating what would end up being a 100-hit combo, meanwhile PJ was spasming spasmodically* on the floor while a whole group** of ninjas spasmodically spasmed* around him. This too is something that you may want to take a moment to picture.

PJ looked at Marty and Marty looked at PJ (no there is no gay love scene about to ensue) and Marty simply said, “We’re done here.”

They walked out into the setting sun and Marty asked, “Have you ever heard of someone by the name of Skippy?”

*these are two very different things

**Although it was stated originally that one singular group of ninjas surrounded our heroes, you will count that at least 5 groups were present during the fight scene. This is due to the fact that it was in fact a death (formal collective noun for groups of ninjas) of groups that entered the diner. For those who may wonder why it was no just one big group, a group can only hold a maximum of 7 ninjas, fact.