5 Real-Life Addictions Cured By Gaming

Addictions are a bad thing kids. They can ruin your life and make everyone miserable. If you smoke one cigarette, you will die (Mean Girls reference, and I’m NOT gay). Gaming is also considered an addiction, I should know, but it can stop all kinds of other more harmful addictions as well! Let’s look at the evidence shall we.

 

5. Cocaine

We all know the magic white powder is worth a busload of money. So much money that junkies sell their TVs and their bodies just to get their next fix. That shit won’t happen to a gamer, AT ALL. I mean seriously, first of all a gamer is generally very poor and can only just afford their favorite games in the first place. If they want to buy the Collector’s Editions or upgrade their PC, there won’t be any money left in the bank to buy the snowy nose powder at all. And sell their TVs and Batman figurines? Forget about it.

 

4. Smoking

I’m addicted to cigarettes myself and even I noticed a decline in my smoking if I’m gaming. If you’re playing Guitar Hero and trying to get 5 stars for Through the Fire and the Flames on Expert then the last thing you think about is having that smoke. There is the victorious smoke afterwards, which is glorious, but in that whole session you won’t smoke a single cigarette. Boom, you start saving money by buying less cigarettes and therefore have more money to buy more games. Perfect.

 

3. Gambling

Have a gambling addiction? Well, try out gaming! When you’re feeling the urge to dump your money in some evil cesspit of suits then just fire up a game of Red Dead Redemption poker and gamble your heart out. Unlike real life, if you lose everything you can just shoot a few wolves and sell their skin to make more money to put on the table. Actually, you can do that in real life, but then you must be a certified badass that lives in isolation with an epic beard. And then who needs gaming after that? That’s the dream.

You can get the same satisfaction from gambling in games like you do in real life because you’re gambling for something as well. If you’re just a few thousand gold short of the Master Sword of Pwn then you have something to work towards while gambling your imaginary currency away. Win-win.

 

2. Drinking

Seriously, who drinks alone? Your Uncle Recardo that is a known paedophile? Oh, sorry about that then. But seriously, people only drink while they are in company and do gamers have that? Rarely. In LANs and online matches you need to have your wits about you at all times and you would just spoil it all if you get completely dog buggered. It’s still extremely funny to see your friend sprint off a cliff and shouting “MY PENIS GREW WINGS” when he has had a *little* too much tequila for the night, but still it’s much better to play with guys that can say the words “Look out behind you” than a guy saying “I think my pants hate me. I love you guys!” when he’s the last man standing and has to defuse a bomb.

 

1. Pain

Oh yeah I’m talking to you masochists out there. Feel the need to get your balls punched up to your throat or a warm candle dripping on your butt? (I’m NOT gay) Why not start up a new game of Dark Souls and get another type of pain. The pain you get from being virtually ass-raped without lotion, not even spit. There are hundreds of games for you to play. Doom on Nightmare, The Witcher 2 on Dark, Call of Duty Black Ops on Veteran. I promise you that you won’t want to feel any sort of pain for years to come.

Gaming is excellent. It can do all these things for you without even trying! Aren’t you glad to be a gamer right now?