Borderlands 2 Goes Gold, Has Best ESRB Description Ever

Borderlands 2 has officially gone gold, a solid month before its release to the world. Now that’s all good and well but as far as news goes, that’s about it.

At least, until you read the game’s Electronic Standards Rating Board description. Just… read:

This is a first-person shooter in which players join rebel forces to take down an oppressive corporation on the fictional planet of Pandora. As players explore open-world environments, they complete missions to gain experience and increase their characters’ skills/abilities. Players use machine guns, sniper rifles, flamethrowers, explosives, and weaponized vehicles to kill human-like characters and hostile aliens in frequent combat. Firefights contain realistic gunfire/explosions; injured enemies scream and emit exaggerated splashes of blood.

Various weapons result in dismembered limbs or bloody gibs. Some missions depict intense acts of violence: viewing characters getting electrocuted; shooting a man in the face; killing players’ incinerating a cult member as part of a ritual sacrifice.

The dialogue contains jokes/one-liners that reference sexual material (e.g., “I will hang myself from my own tombstone if in you I can’t put my bone,” “If there’s anything they love more than getting to second base with their sisters, it’s cars,” “Bacon is for sycophants and products of incest.”); during some sequences, players can find and collect adult-themed magazines—though no actual nudity is depicted.

One mission requires players to consume three alcoholic beverages from a bar before they can progress. The words “shit,” “pussies,” and “asshole” can be heard in the dialogue, in addition to language censored by audible bleeps (e.g., “God-[bleep]-ing-dammit”).

I don’t know about you guys, but that gave me a happy. Is that not the most amazingly awesome thing you’ve read all day? And this after releasing my column.

The game is out September 21st locally, for PC, PS3 and Xbox 360. Are you getting it? And if you weren’t before, has the description changed your mind?