The Gamer Drinking Game
You know what’s the great thing about drinking games? They’re much like actual videogames where you play them with friends and have a great time but if you overdo it, heaven help your body as you attempt to recover.
It’s as if the two were meant to be together.
And now I’m here to do just that, so brace yourselves and fill up your cups. It’s time to play the gamer drinking game.
Are you a fan of first person shooters? The FPS genre has some common tiebacks that are constantly referenced, so let’s make the most of that and do the following. If:
- You mention the nuke level in Call of Duty 4.
- You mention the ghillie suit level in Call of Duty 4.
- Someone mentions cake and you burst out: “The cake is a lie!”
- You’ve ever said: “Wilco, Delta out.”
- You say, “tango down,” for no apparent reason whatsoever.
- You emphasise a noun, which you prefix with, “maximum.”
- You’ve ever said: “It’s time to kick ass and chew bubblegum, and I’m all out of gum.”
- You’ve ever said: “Time, Mister Freeman?” in that accent G-Man does.
- You’ve compared Call of Duty to Battlefield.
- You’ve compared Doom 3 to Half-Life 2.
- You’ve compared Unreal Tournament to Quake.
- You’ve compared Counter-Strike to a piece of turd.
- You blamed the controls when playing at a friend’s house and failing.
- You blamed lag when playing online and failing.
- You used a n00b-tube to get a kill in multiplayer.
- You spawn-killed a member of the opposing team in multiplayer.
- You camped for the rocket launcher.
- You thought playing an FPS with a keyboard and mouse gave you real-life experience of warfare.
If you’ve done any of these, take a drink sir / madam. One for each.
I can tell you, I’m positively spinning right now.
Oh but that’s not all! No, no, we’re just getting started guys. Have you even played a drinking game before? It only ends when the last guy passes out after spending hours trying to finish his drink, not realising in his drunken stupour that it’s not emptying because he keeps refilling it with his own regurgitated excrement… what? I’m sure it’s happened somewhere. I’ve seen a video. (Disclaimer: I was not in this video.)
Now, let’s move onto other games.
If you have ever:
- Screamed, “Fus Ro Dah!” at the mention of Skyrim.
- Said, in a gruff voice: “I never asked for this.”
- Exclaimed anything in German that you heard in a game.
- Played air-frets when listening to a song you’ve played in Guitar Hero.
- Took cover behind a wall and peeked around, for absolutely no reason whatsoever.
- Heard, “ebony and ivory,” and instantly thought of intricately designed pistols.
- Saw a gut-wrenching, sorrow-filled trailer and thought: “Fuck you, Dead Island!”
- Said, “I’m Commander Shepard and this is my favourite ______ on the Citadel.”
- Recognised a famous song from a game without knowing the artist or album.
- Considered throwing your controller onto the floor in frustration, then caving and holding it.
- Lied about ever having snuggled your controller, as referenced above.
- Bought a game and came home to install it, only to spend five hours before actually playing.
- Mourned for an evening spent browsing random websites instead of playing games.
- Asked friends to play a game with you, then got over it immediately as it began.
- Played FIFA.
- Attempted to give someone ‘helpful advice’ at a store selling videogames.
- Saw DLC in an opened box for a videogame and helped yourself.
- Put up a poster for a videogame and flaunted it before realising the connotations.
- Complained about a certain business practice, then supported it anyway.
Take a drink. For each.
I could go on, but it’s getting late and my tyyyppingfhjgh. I druunnk I’m not sweraar. Oohf fuuuggck offsh. Shheee ifdf yooouuufd caan d00 bettrjrrr inda commirents…
Geez, that was tough to type out. Antidisestablishmentarianism.