Is Handsome Jack To Blame For The Borderlands 2 Delay In SA?
Look at that face. Just look at it… Take a good, hard, long look at that face of pure evil as I build this up a bit.
This is Handsome Jack, and he is the primary villain of the sequel to the pure-awesome Borderlands; what I like to call Diablo With Guns, because that’s totally original and not at all stolen off the internet. Obviously.
As some of you may know by now, the game was delayed locally yesterday, mere days before its local launch date and just as so many players had opened up their freshly purchased bottles of lube and limbered up their hands for a weekend of furious… gaming sessions.
Unfortunately it wasn’t to be and after spending many hours curled in the foetal position, cuddling my Hawke plushy and crying myself into a puddle, a sudden realisation hit me. Actually it was a sudden desperate gasp for breath at the realisation I was about to drown in my own tears, but we’ll call it an epiphany.
Have a look at this video featuring the villainous philanthropist, Handsome Jack. Go ahead. I’ll wait. I have to think of what to say after this anyway.
Did you hear it?
Did you hear the scorn in his voice, as he spoke about how much he hates South Africa? What? Yes, he did. Go watch it again. How about now?
Reading between the lines, he basically says the following, which I’ve translated to the best of my knowledge: “Sunny South Africa? Why do they deserve to be called that? Did they invent the sun? No. And who the fuck names a country after its location on a continent? Why not something cool like Jackistan or something? Seriously, who are these people? Calling themselves second world as if such a term exists. Complaining about AIDS and starving children on their smartphones. Speaking out against hot topics every day of the week as if they’re not inherently a part of the problem themselves. Who do they think they are? America?”
A few of those words might have been incorrectly interpreted, as my translation skills are still not quite as adept. But I’m working with Claptrap to fix that, and perfect it, soon. It’s not that I’m slow, it’s that he keeps breaking into dances and starting random revolutions. Something in his programming, I assume.
In any case, there you have it. So you thought Megarom, or perhaps the international distributor was at fault? Think again.
It was Handsome Jack.
You watched the video, you heard his words which I totally actually perfectly translated to you because they’re so obviously not apparent at first until you stare for a while and twist your head in an obtuse way. Now eagerly await next Thursday when you can exact your revenge. He hates our country. Let’s show him what we’re made of…