Kinect Will Save You A Fortune In Gym Memberships

Perhaps I’m just in this stage of life right now, where I’m surrounded by friends who are eager beavers for a gym, where they can work out and get fit. Maybe they’re impervious to the joke-phrases, “I klap gym, boet,” and, “I’ll bench you, bra,” as well as the internet phenomenon, “Bro, do you even lift?” Or maybe their need to look and feel good has consumed them, forcing them to drop crazy amounts of cash for monthly gym memberships in a futile attempt to better their bodies.

Now anyone who knows anything about fitness will tell you that regularly visiting a gym and working out is not how you get fit; the truth is you need to change your entire lifestyle, which includes your diet. The first and biggest hurdle to overcome would be watching what you eat. No carbohydrates after dark, for example. Absolutely nothing with sugar in it, at all, whatsoever. Basically, eating the worst foods in existence, just to look and feel good.

I called a “fuck that shit” pretty early in my attempts to watch what I eat. Still, every now and again I favour the odd salad over something more substantial (curry, usually — I am indian) and I’ve grown a fondness for Pro-Vita snacks instead of proper meals. I also only eat two meals a day, but that’s more to do with my lifestyle than anything else; I just don’t have the time for a third meal.

Of course, metabolisms do often factor into such things and if you’re one of those who can eat a billion things a day and not gain a gram, then this article obviously doesn’t apply to you. Also: die. However regardless of your metabolic rate, you are going to need to mix some decent eating with your working out if your fitness plan is ever going to show some signs of success. This means not just visiting a gym, but not visiting Milky Lane for a while.

Here’s the thing, though. If you have an Xbox 360, you really don’t need a gym membership. All you need is a Kinect, and some cool games to play.

I’m going to share some personal experience with you all. For those who know me, either having met me or seen pictures of me, while I’m not the largest person on Earth (Marko might have a say, here) I am not exactly what you’d call slim and trim either. I have some meat on my bones, as you might say. But of late, I’ve dropped three belt sizes (counting the holes, basically) and two pants sizes, and this in the space of a month or so.

Pretty awesome, right?

I would weigh myself for a more accurate measurement but I lack the means to do so, for one, and for two, I think everything above speaks volumes in and of itself. No pun intended.

What did I do to earn such awesome results? Well granted, I’m not exactly working out for the sake of bulking up. No, I enjoy my penis size and I prefer my protein in solid foods rather than shakes. If you’re bulking up, then you might obviously need a gym membership. And maybe a penis enlarger. But if your purpose for working out is overall health and fitness, and just keeping yourself from dying of cholesterol-induced cardiac arrest, then you might benefit here.

I basically just played Dance Central 3.

I’m no even ashamed to admit that, either. See, the thing is, Kinect is to Microsoft, what Wii Fit has been to Nintendo for years now. Except instead of the thing actually telling you, “You’re fat,” Kinect makes things fun. Wii Fit is a chore and feels like a workout. It’s meant for bored housewives, for when the kids are at school and the pool-boy hasn’t come in that day… what?

With Kinect you have, at your disposal, the means to get into an acceptable level of fitness while also having fun, which is kind of a big deal for me as I really enjoy being able to have fun. It’s a closer of note. The cool thing is, you can actually pick your poison. Whether it’s Dance Central, Just Dance or something slightly less emasculating — because obviously you’re going to work out with an entire crew of your friends watching you — such as Kinect Sports or Kinect Adventures. There’s even an official Nike fitness game for you to try out, if you want to be really hardcore about your workouts.

Here, check out this video of one of the more difficult songs in Dance Central 3 being performed by an actual person, and try telling me he’s not having a workout of note, while also having some fun in doing so.

And truly, the results are amazing.

So the next time your friends convince you to join a gym, or you feel miserable enough about yourself to consider joining one, save that money and get a Kinect instead. Then buy some games for it and work out in the comfort of your own home, in front of your TV, and without having to brave the mass amounts of sausage / clam in the communal showers at an actual gym.

I can’t really say it better than this: Lose weight; unlock achievements.