Games The Community Want To Create
Being gamers, we all have those radical ideas of what our perfect game would be like. It has to do with preference though and you won’t see two ideas being absolutely identical to each other. I might like a touch of fantasy while another person might think a racing football game would be the dog’s testicular area. You take your favorite genres and combine them into one big melting pot of all the best bits while making it ungodly ambitious. That’s usually how it all plays out. With that said, our lovable bundle of community members have recently been asked what would be their perfect game if they had the chance to make it.
I’m going to list them here, but I’m going to provide a slight twist. I will be making the game proposal. Think of me as an EA employee with a soul. And after you’re done trying to figure out that paradox, I would like to say that I have a knack for creating absolutely ridiculous game proposals so there is going to be a bit of insanity. If you look at some of my satire pieces you will understand the extent in which I can take an idea and warp it so much that it opens up a hole somewhere in Ghana. Let’s get cracking shall we?
Yashaar Mall: “porn rts”
You play a commander called Dick Normous and you’re tasked to take out a rogue cell organization by the name of Phuk. Your commando units all have a special ability called “Going Commando” that makes them rabidly hump nearby enemies and tanks until death. Resources are blue pill shaped deposits that can be mined with a Dildozer. As the game progresses a new faction gets introduced called the Spunk Trumpets and they want to destroy the world by covering the entire landmass in leather straps and the entire sea body with gag balls. The climax, fittingly called The Climaxxx, has all three factions gathering all their artillery in one spot called the G-Spot and then just getting it all out. On each other’s faces.
This one is over because I have officially run out of sexual innuendos. The PG13 ones of course. I wanted to make a medal called 2 factions 1 cup, but I’m afraid the extrapolation might get me arrested.
Ruan Brits: “To do anything and everything like in the real world“
You play a man called John Smith. He has two mortgages on his home and his wife is continuously drifting away from him. He does not enjoy his job as a tax accountant, but he can’t afford to quit now that his children are almost going to college. If you commit a murder within the game you are sent to jail and have to spend consecutive life sentences in there until you die. The game has no save points and can only be played once. Your mother-in-law is the final boss.
Wikus Kunneke: “second life mixed with call of duty“
Being a mixture, of course this game has to be given its own title and idea. Which I’m going to do for you now. It will be called Real Life Game With Guns And War…And Guns. You start off by creating your own personal character by using an absolutely dizzying amount of sliders. Everything from the size of your character’s eyebrows all the way to the extent of their prejudice towards gingers. Once you’ve spent the minimum 15 hours picking out a cool looking shirt, you spawn with a full arsenal of weapons. And you shoot people. That’s not all that the game has in store though.
In various areas on the map, there are special cease fire zones that you can pop into and just have a drink with your fellow soldiers. Here are some of the names of these zones: I Don’t Even Know Your Mother Pub, The Teabag Herbalist shop, QuickScopes Bar & Grill, Knives Only Sushi Bar, Noob Park, The Shotgun Is Totally A Viable Weapon Okay Souvenir Shop and the Take Objective B Dammit Spa. There has been special parameters put in place to keep the experience as pain free as possible. Any microphone that transmits horrible rave music will be instantly muted and the offender will be given a copy of Black Sabbath’s new 13 album.
Any person under 12 will wear a muzzle. Because they’re animals. Absolute madmen.
Navjot Singh: “stealth or racing game which uses cryengine3…or any racing game like the run”
You play as a hyper masculine no name male in a tight t-shirt driving cars that are seriously way too expensive to just be given out like candy but screw it. The races themselves are standard fare, but you have the option to get out of the car and stealth your way into an opponent’s passenger side seat and scare the balls out of them. This scare mechanic has various mini-games such as donning a Slipknot mask and a sword, wielding a Justin Bieber album, asking if they have time for your Lord and Savior Cthulu and waving a positive pregnancy test in front of their eyes.
All in absolutely jaw dropping graphics. You can see every detail of the ground that gets clumped together at your wheels and the inevitable total wrecking crash you will, I repeat will, have will have the best crumble physics you have ever seen. You will be so mesmerized by the beauty of it that it will prevent you throwing your controller at the cat. We are all about animal rights here.
Kyle Michael Ernstzen: “Pokemon MMORPG“
I can’t make a joke out of this. Our society will collapse and humankind will become extinct because of no reproduction. Think of the repercussions of this idea. I’m almost afraid to post this idea because it might be used as a WMD by a sinister terrorist cell hell bent on destroying humanity.
I think I have stretched my creative muscle to the point of collapse so I now present you with detailed game descriptions that I can’t possibly butcher.
Alleyne Pedantasaurus Hug: “Story-driven RPG.
A sentient (hive-mind) virus is synthesised in a lab, the ultimate fusion of nanotechnology and biochemical engineering, created for the purpose of intelligently fortifying the human immune system to facilitate the exploration of the harsh and unknown climates of other green-and-blue garden planets given humanity has just achieved FTL travel using a warp-drive (Alcubierre, ofc).
The virus functions similarly to the Geth from mass effect; the more there are in a given area, the more intelligent each individual viral entity becomes. The virus, however, replicates extremely quickly and as such evolves far quicker than our best scientists anticipated. The virus soon gains the ability to supercharge the metabolism of it’s host – the evolutionary advantage being that, with the increased metabolic rate, the virus is able to multiply and distribute itself faster. Effectively using the host as transport – this also has the adverse effects on the host of extremely rapid aging and an increased kilojoule requirement. The virus optimizes, mutations form within animals of all species – dogs, cats, people, plants.. (I would really like to a scene with the protagonist having to traverse through an old city zoo)
As the player, you are one of the remaining uninfected – not special by any means. However, certain events unfold that allow the player to synergise with the virus and harness new abilities and such. The player becomes a hybrid/mutant of sorts, straddling the fence between the emotional tides of being human and the unlimited potential held within the virus. The ending will involve the player facing the dilemma: Do we fight for a evolutionarily inferior species (that being the humans); or do we let evolution take it’s natural course and allow for the next keepers of the earth (the by-now highly evolved virii) to transcend humanity and achieve its biological birthright.”
I… would totally buy this game. I commend you for the level of pure detail you’ve put into this. Well done.
Christian Mills: “Open-world, MMORPG/FPS/Strategy. Zombie apocalypse. Replicate a single country or a continent (workload would be disgusting). Destructible environment. The strategy sector of the game will work similar to that of Savage with regards to creating new buildings. Basically Minecraft and DayZ mixed together…with some steroids.”
I think this is the ultimate “gamer game” if I can call it that. We have all been clamoring for an amazing open-world zombie game for so long that it baffles me that developers have not taken advantage of it yet. Your description of a perfect zombie game is spot on and I would be hard pressed to come up with anything I would like to add to it. Let’s hope our dreams materialise someday.
There is a serious side to all of this (no really) and that’s that games should venture more into untouched wilderness in order to expand. There are so many ideas out there that it would even be considered easy to come up with something new and fresh, but the industry like to go with things that are “safe”. We had games that stretched the possibilities a bit such as BioShock Infinite and The Last of Us and look where they are standing now.
But there’s also another factor we have to consider for this. Games are expensive to make. Especially with the expected quality we expect nowadays. Can you imagine all the resources that has to go into a game that has the world size of an entire continent? These were all just wild dreams and won’t necessarily happen any time soon because of the above reasons. It’s simply not possible to have a massive game with a gigantic budget because of our economy (thanks Obama) and I can almost see why developers and publishers like to play it safe when it comes to their games.
Regardless, we can still dream huh? I would really like a Sci-fi game with modern dwarfs and elves, but I’m just a madman.