At the time of writing, the bombshell that Microsoft dropped is still fresh on the internet and in the minds of millions of gamers around the globe. Microsoft have listened, as they have stated themselves. As a Xbox gamer for 6 years now, this news couldn’t have made me happier. I’ve been pretty vocal in my distaste towards Microsoft’s policies and restrictions and have even went so far as proclaiming that I’m going to be getting a PS4 rather than the Xbox One. I also said that it’s a very difficult decision for me because I would be losing years of progress on my gamertag as well as my GamerScore which has been very important for me. Now Microsoft have pulled a full reversal and laid all my trepidations and concerns to rest. And I couldn’t be more relieved.

Throughout these past few weeks I’ve published a number of articles that directly attacked Microsoft in a very aggressive manner to the point where it started getting worrying. I did it for good reason though. This is the company that has provided me with years of entertainment on a platform that I thoroughly enjoyed. To see them lose their way like that was damaging for me and made me all the more angrier. To see a brand that I have adored for so long tarnish itself in such a harsh way made me extremely sad and disappointed. I even went so far as to not play my Xbox at all because I didn’t really see the point in it. At this point in time I haven’t switched the thing on for days now.

The joy that I’m feeling can’t be described. It’s just overwhelming to know that I do not have to completely destroy my gaming identity and start completely from scratch on a platform that I’m only vaguely acquainted with. It’s a wondrous occasion and I’m very happy to have been a part of this sort of uprising as it were. You may say that the policy changes have been done because of pressures from Sony and all the market share stuff, but I thoroughly believe that the fact that we gamers stood up and made our voices heard had no small part in it. If we just accepted Microsoft’s policies and said nothing of it further do you really believe that Microsoft would have so drastically changed their tune?

We gamers did something amazing. We convinced a multi-billion dollar corporation to admit that they were wrong to impose such policies onto us and we wouldn’t just take it lying down. The evidence is there. Hundreds of Youtube videos from gamers of all calibres, thousands of articles such as mine that professed our distaste towards Microsoft’s choices and millions of gamers making their voices heard. It’s great that we have the power to pull of this momentous change in the gaming industry.

All this, however, doesn’t excuse Microsoft from putting these policies there in the first place. I’m still angry and disappointed that they went against the wishes of gamers and decided to impose their own idealistic view of gaming while in the process considerably damaging their fanbase. It’s still horrible that they did all this and I’m going to be very cautious in trusting them when the next generation finally arrives. They have done some serious permanent damage to their reputation, but thankfully they did see the error of their ways and gave gamers what they have wanted.

Now, I’m hearing from various individuals that this change is just going to keep console gaming the way it is and no innovation is taking place. I must disagree on that rather firmly. Just look at all the innovation and changes that happened with the Xbox 360 and the core principles and practices remained the same throughout the console’s entire lifespan. These restrictions and policies actually hindered the advancement process and now that it’s gone, some real innovation can take place. We are losing some things that are rather cool such as shared libraries and game installation, but frankly I couldn’t care less. If I had to sacrifice those features in order to game the way that I want to, then I would happily do it a million times over with no regrets.

So, yes, I’m giddy as a schoolgirl right now because I can finally be excited for the next generation of gaming like I wanted to be this whole time. I can finally look forward to playing games like I could never play before on a platform that I have loved for so many years.

I’m finally happy again.

If you think of a year such as 2005, you would laugh at the stuff we thought were cutting edge and at the pinnacle of technology. Nowadays our technology is incredibly advanced. Just look at the hundreds of things the phone in your pocket can do that some computers couldn’t even do just a decade ago. Our world is admittedly going more and more digital thanks to the technological advancements that have been made. But are we truly ready for it? I think not. Everything is not as clear cut as we think.

I hate to still complain about the Xbox One, but it’s the only topic that really has my attention right now because it’s a huge part of our gaming future. I also don’t have a PS3 so I can’t play The Last Of Us so that’s out of the window. Anyway, I’ve been keeping very close track of interviews and news concerning the Xbox One because I still have a little speck of hope that Microsoft might make a triumphant return or at least give us a fallible reason why they decided to just screw us over. In most of these interviews I started noticing a pattern that Xbox employees have been developing. That is that they want the Xbox One to be future-proof. Be a sort of introduction to the digital age that we all have to embrace at some point.

I call bullshit. Their policies are there to control us and that’s the long and short of it, but let’s give them the benefit of the doubt here. The digital age does seem more and more likely these days thanks to almost everything being digital and people have been getting better access to internet and means to embrace it. It does sound like a plausible reason why Microsoft wants to move to the all digital front by introducing features that only work when there is internet present. It’s actually rather ambitious of them to attempt this move to a more “connected” gaming experience, I’ll give them that. But my question is: why force it?

The world isn’t only the people you see on your subscription numbers and people that downloaded Minecraft. There’s millions of people out there where it’s still a struggle to just be connected to the internet, let alone use features and ideas that require it. I should know, I’m one of them. My internet isn’t the worst in the world and it’s actually pretty sufficient, but I’m still not truly connected. I’m constantly struggling to get things to work properly and even on Xbox LIVE it’s a mission to just stay connected with my friend. If I download a 6 gb game it takes an entire day of constant downloading to finish. Streaming is an absolute bust unless I want to watch something in sections that was made with Lego bricks. It’s impossible for me to experience everything Microsoft wants me to experience purely because of my shoddy bandwidth. Sidebar: My speed is 2 mbps. Only 0.5 mbps faster than what Microsoft expects and I can’t even do basic things.

The point I’m trying to make is that world is not ready to get into the digital age. Not enough people have the ability to truly embrace all the internet rich features that Microsoft wants to implement. Cloud gaming in particular has received a lot of hype from Microsoft, but I think they’re overestimating themselves a bit too much. Because everyone do not have the ability or internet speeds necessary to even run basic actions or so things such as streaming and the like, how will cloud gaming fare? It’s not a practical decision at this point in time. It’s certainly something that can happen, there’s no problem with it, but only contain it to certain games that people can simply choose to not buy if they know their experience won’t be up to par. Not force everyone and their grandma to be fully ready and willing to do cloud gaming.

Sure, I’m not fully against a “digital only” world. The little I’ve done that used my internet connection to give me a broader world and opportunities was fantastic and I really enjoyed it. But, the world is not ready yet. Maybe in 5 or even 10 years time when technology has advanced past our wildest dreams, it will be a massive possibility, maybe even the only way forward. But right now, it’s not. In the meantime, give us games that we can buy from shops and online retailers without needing to put it on the damn cloud or download 10 gb of patches every time we start it up. Implement your features such as streaming, cloud gaming, shared folders and what have you, but give us the option rather than the obligation.

Sony is doing it perfectly. They’re embracing the formula that has worked for years, but are still leaving enough room for the future of gaming. When the time comes when we are ready, we will embrace it, but before that time comes we have to be able to enjoy the hobby we are so attached to in the way that we are used to. It’s no use to force things onto people and hope that they will come around in the next 5 years or so. Things can drastically change in that time. We might discover a way to use sand as a way to connect to the internet. Or nothing might happen and we will still be stuck with the same shitty infrastructures we have now. Then where’s your future-proof?

Advancement is a gradual process. For example, look at how the Xbox 360′s dashboard evolved. The first dashboard had maybe 5 slides with a tiny marketplace and a friend count. Now we have a massive library of arcade and indie games, television (ugh), streaming apps, avatars, smart device control and a whole bunch more if you’re lucky enough to be American. The Xbox One wants to jump over that 7 year progression and give their fans no preparation for it. That’s why everyone is so pissed off about it. Mandatory installations and digital focused game libraries? Just no.

Right now, your only real choice is to build a foundation, give your fans the same experience they have now and gradually convert people over to a more futuristic idea of gaming while still holding the traditions that are in place. It’s as simple as that. I wish Microsoft could have seen this as the only step forward because the console is honestly fantastic if it wasn’t for all the bullshit policies, “features” and restrictions. Microsoft could have taken next-gen without even so much as a struggle, but nope, rather force your fans to do things they are not capable of and push away a massive portion of your fanbase while adopting an elitist mentality.

Perhaps, and this is a very loose perhaps, it won’t be so bad. Maybe it’s going to be alright and people would be able to use the console without problem. Maybe Microsoft will win next-gen. I highly doubt they will, but the probability is always there. I’m still getting a PS4 though.

I’ve been an Xbox 360 player for the better part of the millennium and have played on the console almost exclusively. I own a library of around 80 physical games and have owned around 300 games in total, many of which I have sold or traded. My GamerScore is one of the highest in South Africa at this time standing at around 175 000 GS. I’ve bought a huge amount of DLC, arcade games and expansions as well as avatar items, themes and even a few gamer pictures. In short, I’ve played a shitton of games on Microsoft’s system and threw them thousands and thousands of rands over the course of the 6 years I’ve owned the thing. Oh, I’ve also owned 3 Xbox 360′s because the first two broke. I’ve also convinced around 10-15 people to get a Xbox 360 that they routinely buy games for.

I’m pretty much an archetype of an Xbox fanboy. I’ve been using the system for so long that it’s the only way of gaming that I really know. But recent announcements and statements have made me extremely hesitant if I want to remain in Microsoft’s stable. Their bullshit, evil policies are something that I can not agree with or want to associate myself with. With Sony blowing out the doors and shooting Microsoft in the head at E3 by announcing that their console would be putting gamers first and allowing you to do what you want with your property, I think I have no other choice than to go with their console. This isn’t an easy decision for me because I’ll be losing years of progress with regards to my GamerScore which is a very big deal for me.

Before the MasterRace descends upon me like a bunch of keyboard clad Valkyries, I’m not interested in PC gaming at all. I don’t have the desire to build a PC and constantly upgrade it in order to play the newest games. I’m very well aware of all the benefits PC gaming has, but I’m really not the type of gamer for it. I want to be able to sit on my couch, put a game in, play it and enjoy it. I don’t want to fiddle with settings or be told that I don’t have enough RAM and karma to play a game. It’s just not for me, simple as that. I’m a console gamer and that’s how I would like to stay.

Here are some of the reasons why I’m jumping to Sony’s ship:

1. Freedom

Nothing is more harrowing than having your freedom of choice stripped away from you. Microsoft wants me to adhere to their set of rules and I have absolutely no choice but to follow them. This will effectively make me a slave to Microsoft’s every whim and the hobby I love so much would be plastered with restrictions and walls that get between me and the game. I want to do what I want and play how I want and Sony gives me that ability. I don’t have to check in every 24 hours like I’m some criminal monstrosity and Microsoft’s the parole officer. I’m actually offended how I’ve been such an honest consumer for 6 years and now they want to treat me like some pirating scum. Sony gives me the ability to play games like I’m used to playing them.

2. No Gimmicky Nonsense

Kinect has always been a massive thorn in my side. Microsoft’s insistent obsession with the rather pointless peripheral has made me extremely frustrated in the past. I play games to relax and by relax I mean sitting on my ass and being immobile for an indefinite amount of time. I don’t want to wave my arms violently in the air in order to open a door or scream at my Kinect every time I want to open my disc tray. Sony also has their gimmicky motion controlled things such as the Move, but what I like is that it’s never forced on you. Microsoft forces you to use their piece of shit fitness simulator in absolutely everything in the console. With the Xbox One, you have to have the thing plugged in at all times or your console is just a shiny brick. Sony’s Move is just… there. If you want it, you can have it, but they don’t want you to own the thing in order to use the fucking console.

I also think that the increased price of the One is because of the mandatory bundled Kinect because, let’s face it, they’re expensive to make. It’s stupid because the entire hardcore market couldn’t give less of a shit about the thing. Myself included.

3. Used Games

Used games were an integral part of my gaming career. Because I play so many games across numerous genres and have no sustainable income I’ve had to heavily rely on the selling and trading of my games. I don’t have money for new games all the time so I have to make sacrifices and get other means of accruing money. Microsoft decided to just abolish that. I won’t have money to buy their games at all because I won’t be able to sell my games in order to buy new ones. Sony doesn’t have that. They embrace the fact that most of their gamers utilize used games in order to game to their best ability. I will not support Microsoft’s money hungry, greedy, selfish practice because I use used games to be a better gamer.

4. Great Games

Sony exclusives have always made me envious of PS3 owners because they seem like really great games. Heavy Rain, Uncharted, Journey and all the other good stuff. Microsoft’s exclusives have gotten a bit stale for me. There’s just so much Gears of War that I can play before I become bored with it. Forza doesn’t interest me because I hate cars. Halo is fun, but it’s a bit too traditional for me and not even mentioning the fanbase. Microsoft’s arcade game library is impressive though and it would be the thing I miss the most from the console. But with Sony I think they cater to me the most in terms of genres I enjoy. Microsoft has announced some pretty good exclusives that have caught my attention, but I believe I can live without them without problem.

5. Sony Actually Cares About Me

Microsoft frankly doesn’t give a flying fuck about me as their consumers. They want to treat me like a criminal and just another cash cow that they can milk dry. I don’t want to be affiliated with a company that doesn’t trust me. They also want to cater more to ignorant casual players rather than focus on their most dedicated fans which I belong to. Sony heard gamer outcries and decided that they will do their absolute best to make my gaming experience the best it can possibly be. That’s something I can get behind. They want to give gamers options and choices rather than force them down their throats like Microsoft does. Not to mention their PS+ subscription gives away AAA games like they’re nothing and makes sure that gamers get more bang for their buck.

Conclusion

Sony has convinced me almost entirely to part with my beloved Xbox and go over to the PS4 simply because they have showed me that I’m important to them and they wouldn’t want to inconvenience me in any way. Microsoft just doesn’t care about having me as their customer and because of that, I don’t care about being their customer. If Microsoft changes their absolutely insulting policies in the months to come, I will stay with their brand, no question about it. I’m still very much attached to my GamerScore and would like to stay true to one console so if they play their cards right, they will have me back. But as things stand now, I’m more inclined to jump ship to Sony, even if it costs me years of work and progress. Some of you might say “just buy both”, but I simply can not. I don’t have the funds to afford two consoles and then games for both as well. I would like to stay to one console and focus on getting games for that console alone.

In closing, fuck Microsoft.

Note: This was written well before E3 even begun, so some of the info in this column might not be the same or has changed in one way or the other. I still stand by what I have written even if new information has arisen. Without any further delay, enjoy the column.

In the golden days there were constant references made to robots and artificial intelligence taking over the human race and making humans nothing but thralls whose only goal is to please their masters. Well, it’s slowly coming true, but the plot has changed a little. Greedy and immoral humans use machines and electronic products to enslave us and be destined to do their bidding. The main adjective that applies the most is greed. Companies are becoming more and more money hungry and simply do not give a fuck about how many people they trample along the way as long as they get a bump in their bottomline. This can not be more evident than with the Xbox One. Now, I know most people are tired of the constant news and controversies by now, but give me a chance to explain myself here.

Microsoft have taken it among themselves to take as much power as they possibly can away from the people that use their product. Bought a game? Oh sorry you can do absolutely nothing else with it except play it once. Live in a rural area that does not have physical internet lines in the ground and no mobile reception? Boo freaking hoo we don’t care. It absolutely astounds me how Microsoft can be so incredibly evil and not see any wrong with it. Do they even realise they are screwing over hundreds of thousands of gamers without even a shred of regret just so that they can make more money?

The one thing I do admire about Microsoft is how they can maintain such a cold outlook on their decisions. They fully believe that their decisions are absolutely amazing and should not be challenged at all. That’s a new level of evil. And just to further prove how evil they are, they seem to think that all humans live in exactly the ideal setting that they would want to exist in. In their newest press release they even have the audacity to say this:

For an optimal experience, we recommend a broadband connection of 1.5Mbps. (For reference, the average global internet connection speed as measured recently by Akamai was 2.9 Mbps). In areas where an Ethernet connection is not available, you can connect using mobile broadband

Yes Microsoft, every single country in the entire world has a broadband connection of 1.5 Mbps. Try taking away the very few countries that have extremely good internet structures and see how that average weighs in. And then they say something where I had to do a double take to even process. If you can’t get an Ethernet connection, just use mobile broadband. Yes Microsoft, every piece of land on this Earth has excellent mobile coverage and on top of that, uncapped data. Hell, when I got to my new town there was no wireless internet coverage which was the only means I had to connect to the internet. Even when I was in a covered zone, my speeds were absolutely abysmal. So slow that I could not even watch a YouTube video in 240p.

But I digress. A rather lengthy digression at that.

Microsoft wants to control its fanbase. Do what they what, how they want and when they want. Screw your rights as a consumer and screw your wishes. They only want you to do what they say and you can not question that. Microsoft wants you as a slave. A cow that they can milk every penny out of. A flock of sheep that they can control and slaughter if they feel like it. That’s a bit overdramatic, but it’s the harsh truth.

Then you get the sympathisers that think that Microsoft’s decisions are amazing. Tell me, who do their choices advantage? It’s certainly not you, the consumer, because it limits what you can do with your property. It only benefits themselves and the absolute money grubbing scum that are mainstream publishers. Those “features” were not implemented to make your life easier, they were put in place to make sure you spend as much of your money as you possibly can on their products.

Microsoft doesn’t care about its fanbase. They want to implement mandatory internet “checks” that will further disadvantage the disadvantaged, shit on people with low incomes and, this is the absolute worst of it all, alienate people that do military service and put their lives on the line to keep their countries safe and want to relax with some gaming. If you can somehow convince me that that’s okay them by all means do it. I fucking challenge you.

Everything is about money. To Hell with trying to keep our customers happy and make sure our consumers are well suited for, we want to milk every last drop of cash from you until you are dry and worthless. Why are these changes being implemented? Money. Why are we being disadvantaged? Money. Why is an age old practice being redefined so radically? Money. Why is Microsoft catering to the ignorant casual market? Money. It’s all about that bottom line. How good their profit charts look at the end of the fiscal year.

What I really don’t understand is why they don’t just stay to their current formula. The Xbox 360 isn’t perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but it still allows us to do what we want with our games and play how we want to. There’s nothing wrong with it. Everything works perfectly as it is. There is no need to radically change things and piss off thousands upon thousands of people like this. Just do what you’re currently doing and everything will be alright. Gamers will live in happiness and you can still implement as many features as your heart desires even if it does not cater to all the demographics. Why sabotage yourself just to have a shot at making some more profit? Why tarnish your brand and losing life-long dedicated men and woman that supported you. I just don’t get it.

Maybe I’m irrational. Maybe I’m a raving madman. But I stand for what is right, what is fair and what is morally correct. You may refute my arguments, say I’m wrong and call me an emotional idiot, but I stand by my rights as a consumer and as a gamer. I want to be the best gamer I can be and that’s not possible if I’m being controlled like a damn cow.

Microsoft has had a very intimate and almost sexual relationship with its Kinect peripheral ever since they released it. We have witnessed it at their numerous events where they they tried to plug the thing so hard that it actually emitted a smoke that smelled like desperation and denial. Kinect has an extremely niche audience if you think about it. Really only children, fit and attractive people, people with an unreasonable amount of friends and bored American families enjoy the Kinect and hardcore gamers see it as a piece of dog shit that has been marinated in raw sewage and rancid piss.

Microsoft seem to have the uncanny ability of not noticing the contempt for Kinect at all and still try to convince people that it’s the future of gaming. But this time, they heard the outcries of thousands of N4G trolls and NeoGAF members and decided to make a game catered to the hardcore market. It’s a simulation game that deals with the day to day life of a hobo. That might sound like a ridiculous proposition, but Microsoft has proclaimed that it’s a very symbolic game about the criticisms they have received from hardcore gamers. It’s meant to exemplify the desires and wishes that hardcore gamers want from the device.

The hobo simulator is aptly named “TrashCan Adventures” and aims to deliver a message from Microsoft to the hardcore market. It features a down on his luck hobo named William that never amounted to anything and his parents abandoned him after calling him a “worthless sack of filth”. Microsoft are really trying to give a complex narrative to their ingenious idea by introducing a lot of emotion and struggle fused together with a mass quantity of polygons. The story is only one strong aspect to the game and the gameplay also has an extremely strong focus.

Players will be able to, amongst other things, just sit there doing nothing and being worthless. Authenticity is very important in this game. Players will not be able to customize William and he will only be clothed with a crappy overcoat, sweatpants and a pair of crocs. Microsoft stated a reason for this: “Hardcore gamers are not trendy or good looking like our other Kinect users are so we are taking away their ability to look good.” There was also an off the record mumble made after the comment that fellow journalist Ricard Buttland heard where a Microsoft executive saying quote “Seriously, fuck em, those ugly acne infested bastards.” Strong stuff.

But enough about that let’s talk features. Here are some of the things you will be able to do:

• Sit around.
• Rummage through trash.
• Flick your snot.
• Make crude remarks to pedestrians.
• Sniff paint.
• Use meth.
• Flirt with dogs.
• Drill holes in your hands.
• Slap yourself.
• Make fart noises.
• Randomly say “the end is near”.

Microsoft are really trying to connect to the hardcore gaming crowd by making this game that tells them exactly what they think about them. It’s a risky move, but I believe it’s going to turn out rather well for them. There’s no dancing, running around, awkwardly hitting the air or looking like a rocket scientist. There is already an expansion planned called WaterCooler Nights that gives William a romantic interest in the form of a water cooler with a lipstick smudge on it. More details will arise when Microsoft finally gets its head out of its arse.

FUSE, or as some of you know it, Overstrike is a game that I’ve admittedly not followed very closely. I still haven’t seen the original trailer for Overstrike because frankly I never even knew it existed. This might be seen as bad thing, but I see it as a positive thing because now I’m able to judge FUSE on its own merits rather than compare it to a trailer like most people are doing. So here I am, giving FUSE a chance to really impress me as I’m free of any expectations and contempt. And it still didn’t impress me.

FUSE puts you in the shoes of one of four operatives. Their names are Dalton, Jacob, Izzy and Naya. Each of them has an unique weapon that is powered by the Fuse substance that can merge with anything and has hundreds of often destructive uses. Each weapon has its own unique feature that can be used to really give our operatives a competitive edge on the battlefield. Jacob, whom I used primarily because I’m a long distance fighter, wields a crossbow that fires Fuse, uh, fused bolts that can melt the flesh off enemies and skewer them against a wall. Dalton has a gigantic shield that he can deploy as extra cover and can also eviscerate people with a close ranged blast. Naya has a rifle capable of creating small black holes on enemies that create a singularity as they die and can spread to other enemies. Izzy uses a submachine gun that shoots crystallized shards that can encase enemies in a shard prison.

As I’ve said all that, you might think that the game sounds awesome because of these weapons, but no they are really nothing special. Once you kill your 100th enemy (sidenote: this is also my 100th article, well done me gold star) with them they soon enough lose all their charm and power and just turn into normal guns with some extra stuff in. And you kill a ton of enemies in this game. It soon boils down to shoot that guy then this guy and then maybe that heavy with all the emotion and flare of a plastic potato. I have to commend Insomniac for taking badass chemical weapons and turning them into boring assault rifles, shotguns and snipers.

The abilities of these weapons can be combined with each other to make some destructive combinations that can decimate your enemies, but the team AI are so stupid that you will rarely even see them. It’s a different story for co-op because you can focus on combining powers more often and that can make for a rather fun experience. You get more XP for using these tactics so it’s somewhat worth it.

What really didn’t make sense to me is that ammo for these weapons are as scarce as honesty in a politician and you run out of ammo for these weapons extremely quickly forcing you to use normal guns that are even more boring. With such a huge emphasis being put on on the guns, you would think they would have huge capacity and almost be used exclusively, but no you just use them for a minute or so then violently scrounge around for more ammo which  is often not even present and resort to using normal metal bullet guns that are so boring I wanted to kill myself with them.

The story is as generic as you would imagine. The Fuse compound is being used as a destructive weapon and evil PMC’s are using it for world domination and it’s your job to stop them. The idea has many possibilities and the odd great idea did show its face, but as the story goes on it just becomes so boring. There were traces of good storytelling and interesting ideas, but they are gone through so swiftly that you forget about them as soon as they stop. There’s even instances where the history and and inception of Fuse was mentioned, but it was never truly explored. A massive waste of potential if you ask me.

The focus would surely be put on the team of people that you spend the game with, but they don’t even do that. These four characters are honestly interesting and I would have loved to know more of them, but their stories and histories are only momentarily touched on and never again. They do have some funny dialogue between them that has made me chuckle at times, but it’s only a few instances. You can see that the characters have interesting aspects to them and their histories could have really captivated me, but the development is not there.

The game did flirt with greatness on the second mission. In this mission a psychopathic scientist messes with the minds of the Overstrike team and forces them to relive memories of their past that they are not really proud of. This was wonderful because you got to see what they were really like and provide some great context. All in all great character development took place, but that’s the only instance where it happens. Throughout the entire game you never hear from it again and the team just goes back to following orders and doing stuff. Another tragic waste of potential that could have made this game so much better, but was just shrugged off.

The boss fights do deserve some praise because they are rather interesting. In the aforementioned magical second mission you fight the maniac scientist in an alternate dimension where he his massive and can shoot lasers from his hands. The other boss fights are a bit less wacky and feature massive robots that are quite the frantic challenge to take down. They are a little uniform because what the fight boil down to is the usual “shoot the glowing yellow things”. Still, they are rather interesting and fun to do.

The environments are properly varied with different locations and settings on every mission. One area is a tropical island and the other one is in space. It has some well deserved variation that I rather enjoyed. They look pretty enough with detailed backgrounds and such, but there was too much focus on corridors. Some of the levels mostly feature linear corridors with a bunch of enemies in them when they could have been done so much with the environments already present.

The game is extremely linear with absolutely no exploration required. It quickly turns into a follow the objective marker game with no branching out or exploring. XP drops and Fuse credits are scattered across the levels, but they are often extremely obvious or just around a corner giving almost no incentive to really search for them. Enemies just get thrown at you and at often huge quantities with no real variation in their approach. Occasionally a heavy unit gets dropped into the fray, but it’s not really anything special and just amounts to the four of you barreling down on the thing’s weakspot until it dies.

There’s also a stealth mechanic present, but it’s so useless that it doesn’t even deserve mention. Often before a big firefight enemies will just stand there unaware of your presence and you can effectively pick them off one by one, but the mechanic is so useless that you will only be able to take out one or two guys before being spotted. The reason why it’s so useless is because there is no crouch button. You can only take cover and roll so it’s nearly impossible to effectively sneak behind enemies like you would expect. What you get is your character awkwardly running around behind guys and breaking their necks only to be spotted and initiating a firefight. There’s no reward or incentive to this because it’s much easier to just shoot the bastards anyway.

Platforming is also a piece of arse because it’s extremely forced and without any real function beside traversing to the next area. There’s no skill involved in it whatsoever because the game tells you exactly where to go and you can’t mess up or do anything else. It’s as linear as the game itself and is  could have been removed without any change taking place. It does use these platforming elements for certain puzzles and obstacles, but once again it’s extremely linear so there’s no challenge involved.

The soundtrack is just horrible beyond words. The entire game only has one background track which is a mixture of techno and dubstep sound effects that just annoys your ears and nothing else. Colossal failure on almost every level. It’s not memorable or functional and it does absolutely nothing to liven up the gunplay like its supposed to.

There are RPG elements thrown in such as leveling up and team perks, but the skill trees are also, surprise surprise, linear. There’s no branching out or skillfully unlocking certain skills, it’s just a case of get a bunch of numbers and unlocking a bunch of things. No thought or effort must be put into it. Yet another missed opportunity.

The game is only ever enjoyable in co-op because you don’t have to deal with your idiotic squadmates. They are incredibly useless and only really function as free revives. They can’t shoot worth a shit and I couldn’t see this more clearly as when Izzy was behind cover and was shooting a wall for the entire fight. I wish I could have recorded this instance because it was just so astounding how that can happen. She just sat there and shot into a wall for the entire duration of the firefight. The rest of the squad don’t fare any better and often just sit there taking the odd potshot rather than do anything useful. Sometimes their brains just short circuit and they stand around at a previous area doing nothing whatsoever until the fight is done.

I highly recommend playing co-op if you do decide to get this one day. It makes the experience a lot better because you’re able to formulate plans and better use combinations. It doesn’t break the monotony of it all though and my brother, who was my co-op partner, even said to me that the game was boring. And he’s not one for storytelling or narrative at all and would just like to shoot stuff as much as possible.

So yeah, FUSE is another game you can add to your ” maybe buy when there’s a massive sale going on” list because it’s not worth full price at all. There’s nothing particularly horrible with it and the shooting mechanics work like they’re supposed to, but it’s just so generic and monotonous that it would hardly feel worth it. Maybe for a short mindless shooting binge with a friend after picking up the game for next to nothing, but nothing more. What pains me is that there are some truly great ideas in place and things that I thought would have been so awesome if they just focused on them more, but no all we got is a generic shooter that tried to appeal to as many 12 year olds as possible.

This game can FUSE with the BARGAIN BIN.

We gamers like to stick to certain genres and never really differentiate from those genres. I’ve never seen an MMORPG player also playing FIFA for an example. For that matter I have never even seen an MMORPG player in real life ever. Guess it really is that addicting. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is that we all have our genres that we love. I also have my little comfortable places in my games and I don’t often want to branch out. I love RPG’s more than anything and will play them to absolute death and I love me some shooter games because they’re fun. I never really left my comfort bubble for an extended amount of time because I didn’t feel like I had to. Recently I have played some games that are out of my usual genres and I found that I’ve actually enjoyed them to my surprise.

The first one is Metro Last Light. It’s not really out of my comfort zone because it’s a shooter, but it does contain a spectacular amount of horror which is a genre I have actively stayed away from. I don’t really like horror games because I don’t appreciate jumpscares and things that are considered creepy and messed up don’t really phase me at all. But Last Light pulled it off beautifully having me crap my khakis more than a few times and actually enjoyed it. The tense atmosphere and claustrophobic environment really got to me and I found myself completely immersed in the game. There was one instance in the game where I completely freaked out and had to pause the game just to compose myself. I don’t know if it was my headphones that really pumped up my heartbeat or just the intense atmosphere, but it really got to me. And I loved that. It was great and that’s coming from someone that doesn’t enjoy horror games.

The second one is XCOM: Enemy Unknown. I’m really not a fan of any type of strategy game because I lack the skills to micromanage units and formulate strategies on the fly. I’m also extremely impatient when it comes to strategy games and that can be seen when I build an embarrassing amount of heavy units that can embarrass General Patton’s army before I could even gather resources, effectively sabotaging myself . But something just clicked inside of me when I played XCOM. I was formulating brilliant strategies (by my standards at least) and actually played smart for once. Once again, I loved it. I was so captivated that I played it into the morning hours knowing that I had to be awake early the next day. Strategy games are not my cup of tea, but I was willing to give this strategy game a chance and I loved it. I even took it seriously and didn’t name my soldiers Titty Winkel or Mike Hawk.

We gamers need to do this more often. Variety is the spice of life and that is no different with games. If you’re one of those people that only play frivolous shooter games then pick up a game with an emotional story for a change and see if you like it. The same can be said for any genre “elitist”. Differentiate a little and you might find yourself a happier gamer by the end of it all. Who knows you might even find a new favorite genre. I know this is tough to do because we, as human beings, like to stick to things that we like and not really experience foreign things, but just try it.

I’m still not playing FIFA though.

I’m fairly uncertain about whether or not I want to write something negative again because I’m kind of sick of it thanks to the Xbox One reveal and controversies. But there is something that has been stuck in my head these past few days that was sort of inspired by all the bullshit that has erupted, but has not been a real issue. It’s just something that I think has to gain some attention. I know that this has been argued many times over in the past, but this is something different that pertains to the next generation of consoles. That’s the topic of  casual gamers versus the hardcore gamers.

There’s a trend these days that developers and console manufacturers follow with regards to casual gaming and casual audiences. There’s a clear-cut reason for this and that is: it gives them more money. If you want solid evidence of this then you would have to look no further than the Wii. It’s a casual rich platform with a large volume of casual games and it has effectively sold millions of consoles and games. Even the Kinect has shown us that casual games sell extremely well. There’s also the question of mobile apps that cater almost exclusively to casual gamers because that’s what gets the money. Just look at Angry Birds. A simple game where you fling birds into shit that has sold millions and spawned an entire franchise with clothing and ridiculous looking iPod docks.

Because this appeal to a more casual market more often than not works well, companies have taken it among themselves to cater to it more and more. We saw it quite clearly in the Xbox One reveal. As I was watching the conference I kept imagining some dudebro in some fraternity house going “fuck yeah that’s awesome!” at everything that was said. As a hardcore gamer myself, the conference was so dull and boring because absolutely nothing applied to me. I don’t watch sports (as a matter of fact, I despise it), I don’t watch television (I download only the things I do like and nothing else), I don’t want Kinect at all (because I’m a chunky bastard) and I don’t care about talking to friends (I only have around two that I actively talk to). But I was not the demographic that they wanted to please. They wanted to appeal to your average American football fan that plays Madden on weekends with his friends. A casual player if you will.

I understand why they want to do that because that’s their largest demographic, but what about us hardcore gamers? I’m sure many of them had the same experience of “oh for the love of God who the hell cares about basketball” like I did. Some of them may have liked some of the features, but I’m sure most of them were just there for the games that we did not get. Appealing to the masses because they have the largest numbers, that’s the name of the game. To hell with the people that only play every game that’s released on the console, let’s focus on the people that watch Netflix and The Price is Right.

What they do fail to understand, however, is that hardcore gamers are their most sustainable audience. Casuals may have larger numbers, but they are not what you should focus on. I do tend to do this a lot, but I think the use of examples are in order to fully get the point across. Lets make it a little fun by doing some role-playing:

Here we have John. He’s a college student working on getting a degree in engineering. He likes games, but he likes sports more because he has been a huge basketball fan ever since he was a child. He bought an Xbox 360 one day because he wanted to play some NBA games with his roommate in his free time. He bought a few other games such as Halo and Call of Duty just to play for fun, but his library has less than 10 games in it. He watches Netflix on his Xbox every day as his primary source of entertainment. John doesn’t really care about gaming and only does it for frivolous fun every once in a while. He doesn’t buy any DLC packs or themes for his Xbox because he doesn’t need them.

Here we have Norg. He’s been a gamer his entire life and has a passion for everything gaming related. He’s busy studying for a degree in computing because of how much he likes technology. He works part time as a clerk in a gaming shop and uses almost all that money to buy games on release day and sometimes camps out at other retailers to get them. He also has a love for collector’s editions that he uses to adorn his room with and will make every effort he can to get them. He primarily games on an Xbox 360 and his library has close to 300 games in it, many of them special or collector’s editions. He buys Season Passes for the games he loves and buys all sorts of miscellaneous things such as avatar items and themes because he cares about the appearance of his Xbox. He watches Netflix every day after he has played his game of choice, but never for an extended period of time.

Now, which one of the above guys gives Microsoft the most money? The answer is obvious. The hardcore gamer. He gives Microsoft a lot more capital than an average casual gamer ever would. The only thing that’s notable is that the casual gamers far outnumber the hardcore gamers, but their impact is much less. It’s like 1000 kg of feathers vs. 1000 kg of bricks. Both weigh the same, but I would be fair to assume that you don’t want a ton of bricks dropped on your head. The feathers are in greater number, but they aren’t really spectacular. The bricks are in fewer numbers, but they are extremely tough and have lots of uses.

The point I’m trying laboriously to get to is that hardcore gamers give you way more benefits than casual gamers can ever give. Sure, you get some large sales if you appeal to casual players, but that’s where it will most likely stop. Hardcore gamers will stick to your console and give you more and more money and will give much more support to your products over a longer term.

Xbox One tries to appeal to the masses. It wants to give them sport and all sorts of entertainment, but more often than not they will only use the console for that and nothing else. Hardcore gamers will buy your games, DLC packs, themes, avatar items and use all the secondary features as well. So why try and appeal to casuals so much? Why give us 30 minutes of things that hardcore gamers do not care about when they are your most sustainable form of income? Perhaps they will change their tune when E3 comes around and appeal to the audience they should appeal to. They have proven me wrong in the past where their E3 conference was just a Kinect circle jerk with some Usher thrown in so I can still expect them to appeal to casuals. I don’t get it and I’m sure I will never get it, but one thing’s for certain: I’m still getting over the fact that I compared hardcore gamers to bricks.

Following the absolute shitstorm that errupted after the Xbox One reveal, one topic really got to me. That’s the topic of used games requiring a fee, essentially destroying used games entirely. It has infuriated me so much that I even lost some sleep because of how livid I was that this was happening. To fully get the message across that I want to, I have to start with a little personal history. Ever since 2005 I was an Xbox gamer. I have played around 300 games in total over those years. What really kept me into gaming were used games and the selling of my games. They were nearly a necessity for my gaming life because I did not have money to always afford new games. I didn’t have the most stable financial situation and I sometimes had to sell my games just so my family could afford food. Used games have been an essential part of my life and I don’t know how I could have stayed true to the platform without them or even be the gamer that I am today.

Then Microsoft decided to just destroy that. I cannot fathom how the people in charge of the One thought that this was a good idea. What they are doing is so extreme that it can spell the end for the platform entirely. If you take a broad approach, used games are what really drives the industry along. You, assuming you’re a console gamer, can not tell me that you have bought every game you have ever played brand new with cash that you did not get from selling games. People sell their games to be able to afford new ones and if that option does not exist anymore, what does that leave them with? No new games being bought anymore. The consequences of that happening are dire. What we will then see is a domino effect of gaming companies dropping their support for the platform and destroying the console entirely.

This all might sound like radical speculation, but if you really think about it there is some truth to this theory. Used games are the backbone of the console industry. If this gets implemented then there might be some momentary monetary gain, but over the long term it might spell certain disaster. Some gamers exclusively rely on second hand sales and I personally know quite a few that use that system. They buy a game, play it, finish it, sell it for a little less than what the paid for and then buy another game with the money gained from the sale. Sure, the developers of the game being sold don’t get any money, but another company then in turn gets money. If you remove the ability to sell a game then all that happens is the developers of the first game gets money. There is no second instance where someone else also gets money and the whole circle is broken.

If a gamer is looking for a second hand game then you can safely assume that they are under a budget and can’t afford brand new games at premium prices. If there exists no cheap method of getting games then they will just give up on it entirely, losing another customer. There is no benefit to this whatsoever. The system we have now works beautifully and keeps the industry afloat in more ways than one. If you really want to tackle the used games market then implement lower prices so that games are more affordable and eliminate the desire for used games entirely. PC has done this for years and nobody complains about it. If you can buy a game for cheap then the need to sell your games won’t be as great as it is. Imagine paying R300 for a brand new game. That’s more than reasonable and I wouldn’t mind having the ridiculous fee system because games would be affordable enough that I can buy them on a more consistent basis.

Back to the topic of Microsoft. I’m going to be quite frank here and say that they will commit suicide if this happens. Gamers around the world would just move to PS4 because it doesn’t have those issues and in turn they lose their customer base and then all the new features will be null and void. It has the potential to lose them millions of customers. Not a few, millions. What will happen then? Support will be dropped and it will just slowly fade out of existence. I sincerely hope that this is all just an elaborate PR stunt that just tested the waters to see if the consumers would be on board with this approach.

What I really don’t understand is how they think they can they just take all the power away from the consumer. If you buy a game then it’s your property. You own that disk and all the contents within it. Isn’t it your right to do what you please with it? You can throw the disk into a wall or set fire to the thing if you really want to because that’s your property. If you want to lend it to your friend then you should be allowed to do that. If you want to sell it then you should be allowed to do that. Microsoft wants to control its fanbase and that’s something that I can not agree with.

I may be a bit emotional and irrational at the moment, but as things stand now, I’m really unsure if I want to buy the console. I want to stay with Xbox because it has been part of my life for so long and it’s familiar to me. I also have a huge GamerScore that I have worked on for years that I’m very attached to because it’s the result of years of gaming and accomplishments. I’ve been committed to this console for most of my gaming life. But the shit Microsoft has pulled so far has made me deviate towards the PS4 more and more. Even if that means destroying everything I have worked so hard for and starting completely from scratch. Microsoft better tread fucking carefully in the months to come otherwise they will lose a customer that has been committed to them for years and has given them tons of exposure, advertising and most importantly, money.

Microsoft, you have disappointed me in more ways than you can imagine and if you don’t rectify this absolutely insulting mindset then you can consider me gone. And a lot of other people will surely follow me. What really depresses me is that I was looking so forward to the console and wanted to be excited about it. Even the bullshit focus on TV and sports didn’t really bother me because I was excited for a new console. But after pulling this shit, I don’t find myself excited. I find myself frustrated, angry and disappointed. That’s not what I want to feel. I want to be happy with the prospect of a new generation and more great games to play. Right now, I’m not feeling that at all.

Games are not supposed to be realistic as we all know. Sure, some games strive to have a more “realistic” setting and mechanics, but in the end it always comes down to stuff that won’t ever truly happen in real life. Realism isn’t something that’s needed in gaming because real life is, well, boring and we play games to escape the soul crushing monotony that is our daily existence. You won’t ever see something like a “university simulator” that has you sit through hours of lectures and write tests about things you often don’t care about because that’s not what we want. We want to experience different universes and settings where things are fantastical and out of the ordinary.

With all that said, there are still things that don’t quite make a lot sense in games that will never happen in real life. Things that are so extreme and implausible that you can’t help but see some comedic value behind them. So without further ado, here are some things in gaming that just don’t make a lot of sense.

Exploding barrels

This one might seem obvious, but it’s something we experience in almost 90% of all games. We have become almost used to those red barrels that litter the battlefield in every shooter ever made that it has become almost traditional to have them in our games. But have you ever stopped to wonder how it’s even possible to have a barrel explode in a spectacular fashion by just shooting a few bullets into it? I still remember an episode of Mythbusters where they put the myth to the test and found that it’s nearly impossible to explode a barrel with just normal gunfire. It can only truly happen when specific conditions are met such as having a barrel under extreme pressure be shot or using special incendiary ammo.

Even if we know that it’s impossible, you can still shoot a red shaded barrel with your little pistol and have a massive explosion with a wide kill radius. Also, how stupid are enemies to just place volatile barrels filled with explosive material all around them for no solid reason?

Unlimited health

In old school games we still had medkits that had to be picked up in order to survive. That formula worked for the longest time until regenerative health got introduced. It always baffled me how the main character can take metal bullets to the body and still somehow survive. In real life situations, if you get shot once then you are out for the count. But games believe that this is stupid and turn you into a walking bullet sponge that can take many death inducing bullets to the face with the only consequence being a little red jam in your eyes. Some games make this even stranger when there are cutscenes where a character fires one bullet and all of a sudden it’s a big deal. You survived about 15 clips of sniper bullets to the face, but one shot from a 9mm suddenly has the stopping power of a goddamn tank. Consistency would be nice.

Seemingly Bottomless Ammo Piles

We have all experienced the obligatory minigun sections in shooters and even in sci-fi shooters, but I’ve always wondered how the hell that gun can have so much ammo. It has to run out at some point right? Supposedly not because you can fire potentially hundreds of thousands of bullets and never run dry. Some games give you a set number of ammo for turrets and such, but more often than not they just give you a massive turret and an ammo pile that leads to a wormhole that has a massive stockpile of ammo just lying around. For that matter how is it even possible to have unlimited missiles? Missiles aren’t small things and you can only fit so much into a jet or a tank before overcrowding becomes an issue. But videogames don’t care.

One Man Armies

Ever just looked at the carnage you have caused after a massive firefight? Just a pile of dead soldiers lying on the floor and pure destruction everywhere. And you’re only one person. It always struck me as odd how one guy can take out hundreds of people without even batting an eyelash. You would think the enemy would just get sick of you and order an airstrike on your ass and call it day, but that never happens. They would rather send in guys from their Downy squad that can’t shoot worth a damn and just stand there in the open like a bunch of idiots. Speaking of idiots that can’t shoot worth a damn, AI squadmates. I think I’ve said enough.

The Shadows

No, not the British band with some cool songs. Stealth games can be a lot of fun if you connect with the mechanics and find yourself traversing entire battlefields without anyone seeing you at all. What strikes me as odd, though, is how plain obvious you actually are even if you’re in a bunch of shadows. You can’t tell me that it’s impossible to see a big hulking man crouching on the floor in some corner. Some games go even more extreme and can have you absolutely invisible if you’re only in a tiny bit of shadow. You can stand directly in front of an enemy and they will not see you at all. You also get those sections where you walk on platforms or crawl in vents and the only way you can be spotted is if a guy decides to look up even a little bit, but no they would rather have an enemy staring blankly into space than have some actual brains.

Conclusion

Games don’t make a whole lot of sense if you really think about it. Everything is over the top, fast forwarded and just downright impossible. But that’s the way we like it. Who needs shit like “physics” and “common sense” when you can fly around in a jetpack shooting thousands of dudes in the balls and never dying even if you’re hit in the face with a missile. Now go out there and live those power fantasies because it sure won’t happen in real life any time soon.

Games have tough lifetimes if you really think about it. First, they have to be meticulously crafted by people using bits of code and some colours. Then they have to be printed or loaded in order for the consumers to consume them. Then, finally, they are put through strenuous tests to gauge how well they are doing in the form of reviews and people commenting on them. Sometimes they are received with praise from the majority and sometimes they flop so horrendously that they might be considered a sin to play. I’m here to talk about the former. If a game does extremely well and is unanimously considered a masterpiece you will always find people that deem it “overrated”.

I find the concept of calling a game overrated illogical and sometimes irrational. Games that are often called overrated by gamers get that title because the gamers in question think that the games are not worthy of the praise they are getting and aren’t really that special. A counter argument that I can provide is that so many people have come to the consensus that a particular game is good that there has to be at least some truth to it. If a majority of people agree on something then it has to have some merit behind it.

This phenomenon of “overrated games” can easily be attributed to over-hype and prolong exposure to various discussions. There is an example that I can provide: If a game releases to universal praise and is considered a masterpiece then there will of course be people talking about it. If a gamer has  Twitter and follows a good amount of gamers, they will constantly see people praising the game and discussing various aspects of it. If this person doesn’t have the game yet, they will be bombarded with these praise-filled comments for a long period of time before they actually play the game for themselve. What then happens is that when they finally get the game, most of the magic and surprise will be lost already because of the aforementioned comments and thus making them believe that a game is “overrated”.

Of course, sometimes this all just boils down to personal taste and opinion. A fair amount of people might like the story, but you may not like it yourself even if it has been praised, purely because of personal taste. This is a perfectly viable excuse to not like a specific game, but remember that it does go both ways. Just because you didn’t personally enjoy the story does not mean you have the right to scrutinize the game for being “overrated”. For example, I make it no secret that I hate Dark Souls, but I still see why the game is enjoyed by a majority of gamers and won’t call it overrated because I personally didn’t enjoy it.

Then there’s something that I like to call the Gangnam Style Effect. Gangnam style was so popular at one point that absolutely everyone loved it, but as time went on, it became old and extremely overused in daily life that people started turning on it. Given enough time and enough exposure, this can also happen to games where people just get sick and tired of it and resort to calling it overrated rather than have any good reasons why they think so.

You also get your obvious attention seekers who adamantly confess at every possible situation that a certain game is overrated. I have occasionally done a little research when I see a person continuously call a specific game overrated where I find their gamertag, PSN ID or what have you and see exactly how much they actually played the game. More often than not, they only played the game for barely enough time to finish the tutorial. This is obvious attention seeking behavior when you look at the evidence.

Sure, some games can be seen as overrated when you give a good enough evidence as to why exactly it is, but the occurrences of things such as that are few. And that’s mainly due to the fact that there is no argument to begin with. So in conclusion, I think calling games overrated is a misguided thing that people do just to gain attention or stir up controversy. I may be wrong and I urge you to give me a game that you think is overrated and give solid reasons why you think so. I look forward to what you can come up with.

I’ve never been one for nostalgia because I didn’t grow up with the games that are now considered nostalgic. If the majority of gamers think nostalgia they think Mario, Zelda, crappy NES rip-off games and Pac-Man. When I think nostalgia, I think Age of Empires II, Counter-Strike, Sonic 2, GTA San Andreas and Comix Zone (I’m one of the few people that enjoyed that game). The reason why I have such an unorthodox list of games is because those were the only games I owned and as a poor as hell child, I only got a new game every second month or so. That sucked as a child because one time I bought 50 Cent: Bulletproof. The horror.

Nostalgia doesn’t always have to be about certain games, it can also be the way in which we played games. Back in the day, you played a game to just play a game. You didn’t have to earn achievements or do insane activities; you only played the game because it’s the only game you own that you haven’t finished 60 billion times already. I still remember getting Pokemon Gold after playing Pokemon Yellow for literally hundreds of hours on a GBA emulator I got from one of my friends. I was so ecstatic just to play something new and fresh for a change.

We have also become extremely competitive in the past few years. In the days of CoD4, most people were not very good at FPS games and online matches were actually fun to play. You would have people laugh at themselves for not seeing you or just having a nice balanced game where everyone was basically on the same skillset. You did get your legends, but they were few and far apart and it was still loads of fun playing with them. Nowadays when you enter a CoD lobby, it’s full of prestige masters that have diamond plated cock rings who can kill you from a mile away with a hairpin. What then happens, the experience changes from a good old fun time to you being killed every second by a guy called XxXQuIcKSkOpIRXxX 69. It’s infuriating.

People have started taking the online scene way too seriously and would rather keep their kill ratio high than have some actual fun with the game. I’m not one for competitive multiplayer and would only do it when I’m really in the mood for it, but when I play one match I’m over it because there would be a bunch of kids running around with snipers. Running. With Snipers. It has all become way too complicated and competitive. The days are gone where you could quickly join a lobby, shoot some dudes for a while, talk some bullshit and have a good time. That’s not possible anymore and it pisses me off. If you have a group of friends then it might be more tolerable, but it would still be a bunch of running sniper children everywhere.

There was also a time when the game industry wasn’t as brutally messed up. I’m not talking about the gaming crash of the 80′s because that was pretty intense, but rather a time where we didn’t get taken up the butt by publishers on every single new release. Back then, if you bought a game then, well, you bought the game. There was no need to pay extra to unlock the Hard mode or to be able to play online. Also, you didn’t have to fork out cash for meager DLC packages every second week, but rather buy a massive expansion much later on for the fraction of the cost.

Gaming has become way too complicated and confusing and I, for one, miss the good old days of playing GTA San Andreas and driving through the entire map on a BMX. Sure, gaming is growing at an insane rate and these things were bound to happen, but it doesn’t make them any less shitty. I long for the days of old where gaming was just about having fun.

Gaming has become such a big part of so many people’s lives that some might even consider it a religion in some way. We worship our legends and we pray to our altars of gaming on a daily basis. Our mass consists of Mountain Dew and various kinds of cheesy snacks and treats. Our church consists of online lobbies where other worshipers dwell and share the great majesty that is gaming. Also, EA is our Satan. Had to throw that one in there. But what would be our commandments? The rules that are set up that we have to follow in order to be enlightened? Well, you’re in luck because I have them right here.

10. Thou Shalt Always Play For Fun

Gaming isn’t supposed to be a chore. It’s not supposed to be something that can be considered a second job. Play the games you like, but always do it for fun. Whether that’s running around in an MMO for months at a time or occasionally playing Plants Vs. Zombies on your iPad, you should always do what you love to do. The word “game” means entertainment and that’s what you should get.

9. Thou Shalt Not Insinuate Copulation With Thy Neighbor’s Mother

Gaming lobbies can either consist of like minded individuals that are fun to play and interact with or they can consist of 12 year olds whose only desire is to boink your loving mother for no good reason at all. These individuals will eventually grow up and look at that time as their “dark phase”, but nonetheless they are still around to torment you. This may be annoying and irritating, but the gaming gods have given us the holy power of the Mute Button so it can be avoided.

8. Thou Shalt Respect Thy Neighbor’s Altar

Nothing is more useless than platform wars. It’s a pointless exercise that only breeds conflict in a place that already has too much of it. Who cares if you play on a PlayStation, Xbox, PC, Wii or even an iPad. We are all gamers that play games and that’s something that should be celebrated and not forgotten while we bicker about which one runs a specific game the best. Respect other people’s choices and game on.

7. Thou Shalt Not Have Online Passes And Always-On DRM

Seriously, stop it.

6. Thou Shalt Celebrate Thy Religion

Everyday, more and more negativity arises in the gaming industry and this year specifically we have seen many negative statements and events. It’s crucial that we do not lose ourselves in this tidal wave of hate comments and controversies and forget the reasons why we play games in the first place. Don’t evolve into a troll whose only goal is to spread hate and negativity wherever you go and not even play games anymore for personal enjoyment.

5. Thou Shalt Not Shoot Thy Neighbor

Co-op can be a lot of fun, but you get some people that just thrive on being assclowns that only like to troll the other player. Sure, there’s a time and place for everything, but keep it modest. You guys are supposed to be a team so act like it. Co-op is a bonding experience that can make good friends into great friends so don’t run it by throwing a sticky grenade on your partner’s crotch every minute. Also, teamkilling is stupid so don’t do it.

4. Thou Shalt Respect All Genres

We all have different tastes and it’s pointless to prosecute people if they have different tastes than ourselves. If one guy likes to play Call of Duty for 8 hours a day and another likes to play Guitar Hero for 8 hours a day then that’s their choice. I don’t particularly enjoy fighting, sport or RTS games, but I’m not going to start calling people idiots for playing those genres. Once again, do what you love and leave other people alone that are doing something they love.

3. Gaming Shalt Be Enjoyed By All Genders And Colours

Gaming is a genderless and colourless entertainment form. We are all gamers and it does not matter if we are female, male, black, blue or white. So stop with the “tits or GTFO” and “black people only play FIFA” jokes because they are pointless. Gaming can be enjoyed by all demographics and it’s not exclusive to one group or another. Hell, your grandma might kick your ass in Mortal Kombat for all you know.

2. Thou Shalt Support Thou Creators

Piracy is wrong as we all know, but I do sometimes see the reasonings behind it. Regardless, it’s always better to support the people that worked their fingers to the bone day and night to deliver an experience to you. For example, I can easily Jailbreak my iPad and get premium games for free, but I would much rather pay that measly 0.99c and support the men and women that worked so hard to develop a game from scratch.

1. Thou Shalt Always Kick Ass And Game On

Gaming is our religion, place of peace, escape method, obsession, passion, lifestyle and outlet. Embrace it and always game on no matter what stands in your way.

Thou Conclusion

And there you have the commandments for gaming. It’s a simple list that I believe we all can follow without much trouble. Now go to your altars and worship the majesty that is gaming.

All hail Gordon Freeman.

Modern military shooters always go the same route by having you be this glorified hero whose only goal is to stomp terrorists and save the free world. Not a lot of games try to differentiate from this formula and the only game I can think of that put you in the shoes of a bad guy for a while is Spec-Ops The Line and look how that turned out. What we got was one of the best narrative experiences in videogame history and one that all shooters that come after it will dare to aspire to. Why don’t we do this more often? Why are we always the heroes and never the terrorists?

It might sound like a ridiculous proposition because our modern world is so content in demonizing the ideals and methods of terrorists that we will never want to create a game where we play as one. Imagine if you will: a modern military shooter where you’re a member of a terrorist cell whose mission is the annihilation of friendly soldiers and laying siege on the innocent population. It’s certainly an unpopular idea because who wants to slaughter innocent and respectable people for some sort of radical cause that is impossible to believe in? I say, bring it.

The amount of potential that an idea like that would have is astronomical. You will be struggling to fight with your own morality most of the game and do things that you find wrong and offensive. That can make for some powerful storytelling where the player has to act out missions that he really does not want to and force him to do things that he has done hundreds of times in the past, but against the people that call themselves heroes. It’s a shocking proposition for sure and I’m pretty sure an idea such as this will never ever see the light of day.

Games these days like to play it on the safe side. Everything has to be politically correct and everything has to do with you “killing the bad guys and saving the day.” Frankly, I’m tired of it. I need some new experiences and not just the same old song and dance I have experienced a million times over. Games need to take risks and push the boundaries to what can be considered “safe storytelling”. Look what Spec Ops gave us when it strayed off the beaten path just a tiny bit. It made us hate ourselves for playing it because we did things that were considered “bad”. We need more of this.

Gaming is maturing and I think we need some variation in our traditions such as military shooters that only feature patriotic gun-toting American heroes shooting terrorists in the balls because freedom. Something needs to be made that pushes our buttons in all the wrong ways and forces us to do things that we don’t want to. What do you think? Would you be supportive of a game that strays off the beaten path and takes monumental risks?

In the olden days of NES and 8-bit graphics there was always room for improvement. Graphics could be better, different gameplay mechanics could be used and new ideas were always abundant. As gaming grew, it evolved along with it giving us various genres and gameplay mechanics that covered almost all bases. But have we reached a limit to what can be done? It’s certainly a strange question to ask because we have grown so used to having innovative games and new ideas thrown into our direction. Recently I have observed that we don’t really have any new ideas, just rehashed formulas and things that are done slightly different.

Again, in the olden days a genre such as FPS blew everyone away when it first got introduced. This was something new and paved the way for many other games to get developed using the same idea. What we see today is almost an oversaturation of this with hundreds upon hundreds of FPS games releasing with various degrees of quality. The majority of these games fail to be anything special and just stick to an already established pattern while playing it ridiculously safe with its gameplay. There’s no variation or break from the formula to be found. Some games do flirt with the idea with new mechanics that change things up a bit, but in the end it’s just the same old song an dance.

This doesn’t only apply to the FPS genre, but every other genre out there. When’s the last time you saw something completely new that hasn’t been done before? A game that released that introduced its very own unique genre? There might be one or two that I don’t know about, but those might be fringe games that have hardly done well. This is the point I’m trying to make: we have sort of reached the limit to what we can do with games. Graphics can’t really be improved by that much anymore because we already have amazing looking games. Every new idea or innovative gameplay mechanic has already been thought up. What do we do now?

The answer is simple, really. Use what we already have and make the best of it. A good example I can give that pulls this off well is BioShock Infinite. Nothing about the game is “new” or hasn’t been done before and the graphics are only slightly above average, but what the game has done has given us an extremely good story and a world we just want to get lost in. It used the tools it had and made a masterpiece with them. It used established ideas and merged them into something that will be memorable for years to come. That’s what games need to do in the future.

These concerns I have about the limits of gaming have been put into my head with the recent next-gen console announcements where I couldn’t really see anything new waiting for us anymore as opposed to this generation where so many new ideas got introduced and then subsequently ripped off by a slew of other games. These days we only ever see sequels such as last year when every noticeable game that we played ended with the number 3. Ideas have run dry and developers have stuck with what they already knew and only differentiated a tiny bit. There’s also a trend these days to reboot older games rather than come up with unique IP’s that can give us some new experiences.

The gaming industry is in a weird place where every idea has already been done a hundred times over and it’s really difficult to truly be innovative without sacrificing an entire game. But as BioShock Infinite has demonstrated, we don’t need innovation as much when the already established methods are used to mould a completely unique game that can’t be compared to anything.

Let hope we see some great games in the future, even if they only use old ideas and make them their own.

With the recent announcement that the Xbox 720, 540, Full Circle, Durango is going to be unveiled on the 21st, I feel obligated to share my concerns for Microsoft. They have been covered in controversy and speculation this past year and from what I have read in comments, opinion pieces and the various YouTube videos I watched, they really have to tread lightly when the unveiling happens. This can be the moment where they either shine brightly or crash and burn in a fiery inferno. As an Xbox player myself, I’m entitled to be concerned because this is the console brand that I have chosen to be my primary and only source of gaming. Here are some of the concerns I have:

Always-On has been tarred and feathered in recent months and Sim City has cemented the fact that this just doesn’t work and will never work. If they go against the wishes of almost every gamer that supports their console, the consequences might be dire. I know quite a few individuals that will not be able to use the consoles because they don’t have stable connections. Even those of us that have connections are susceptible to outages, cap and abysmal speeds. Always-On will not fucking work period and if Microsoft does not see that then they will lose a massive chunk of respect from me because it’s a selfish, dick thing to do.

Kinect is not the end-all-be-all and Microsoft needs to somehow understand this. These past few years all their press conferences and unveilings had to do with Kinect. I stopped watching last year’s E3 conference because all I was seeing were attempts to shoehorn the Kinect with “new and innovative games” which in the end, were just more Kinect games that suffered from horrible flaws. If they somehow managed to make Kinect a better piece of hardware and not some half-functional gimmick, then I might be interested, but otherwise I have nothing but apathy for the Kinect. I own one myself and I’ve used it a total of two times and the rest of the time I occasionally used the voice commands.

If the entire press conference consists of Kinect themed bullshit, then I will be severely disappointed. I imagine a lot of other people will feel the same way because I have not met one person that actually enjoys the Kinect, barring the promoters that get paid to jump up and down for hours and pretend to enjoy it. The fact is, nobody likes Kinect. It’s a glorified tech demo with some fleeting gimmicks and horrible games. It’s not something gamers want and you may say that casual gamers enjoy it, but is it really worth it to give us shitty technology because Little Timmy likes to pretend he’s hitting a bunch of balls and not give us the gaming experience we desire?

They really have to pull something out of their ass to make Kinect a worthy feature and if they pull that off somehow then I might be open to the idea. And please, for the love of God, integrate finger detection. If that’s included then it will be infinitely better. Even if it’s not then I can at least flip the bird whenever the thing is pissing me off.

They also have to address the issue of their shitty exclusives. So far this year we have only seen one exclusive and that’s just another iteration of a game we have played for hundreds of hours already. We need some new exclusive IP’s to give us a solid reason for buying it and not the PS4 which has a strong line-up already. Don’t give me Halo 5 and say that’s the only exclusive I will get because “Its Halooz lol” I need something fresh and new to keep my dedication to the console.

I sincerely hope that the rumors that the new Xbox will be primarily a media hub and a gaming console secondarily are untrue because nothing will piss me off more. I don’t use my Xbox for anything other than gaming and I believe a lot of other Xbox gamers are the same. Just because a lot of people watch Netflix on the thing doesn’t mean that you can turn the thing into some glorified cable box. Gaming first, other shit second. Simple.

I’m just hoping that this unveiling won’t be the same as their E3 conference last year because that was just horrible to watch. “Here are some sport channels so that you and your bros can watch football. With Kinect!” Spare me. It’s okay if they dedicate a short section of the unveiling to those things, but not let it run for half an hour or more.

Finally, they better allow me to carry my GamerScore over. If that’s not included then I will call a fuck this shit and buy a PS4. I’m not even kidding. My GamerScore has been an integral part of my gaming for years now and if that’s lost then I won’t have a reason to get the new Xbox at all and might as well go with the PS4.

Microsoft has gotten me really worried with all the rumors and speculations that have been happening and I have lost quite a bit of trust in them. I’m dangerously on the edge of abandoning the Xbox brand altogether and Microsoft really have to tread carefully if they want to keep me as a customer. That’s just my opinion on the matter. What do you lovely people think?

Zombies in popular culture have had a weird evolution. At first they were just plain old popcorn movie terrors that belonged in a B-grade horror movie, then they somehow got introduced into the comedy genre and more recently we have seen a drama-focused method of depicting zombies in the shape of The Walking Dead. Zombie themed videogames are in full abundance. At one point you couldn’t walk down the street without tripping over hundreds of zombie games that have you shooting the undead in the face as violently as possible. Zombies have gained massive popularity and I think every gamer in the world would be severely disappointed if the world ended any other way.

Of all the zombie videogames out there, none of them have really fascinated or immersed me. Sure, Telltale’s Walking Dead was phenomenal, but it was more story focused and survivability was never an issue. If a zombie apocalypse happens, you can be sure that survivability will be the way of the game. Food will be scarce and every bullet will be a precious resource. Not a lot of games have embraced this concept and would rather have you slaughter entire hordes with novelty items rather than build any sort of tension. Walking Dead: Survival Instinct flirted with this idea, but fell flat with poor execution and horribly rushed concepts. But what would the perfect zombie game be like? I have a few ideas and here is my wishlist for what I would think would make an excellent zombie game.

Free Roaming

Right off the bat, free roaming is an extremely important aspect. You would need a world the size of Red Dead Redemption or Skyrim to fully embrace the idea of survivability. Massive cities populated with hordes of zombies to rural locations such as farms or ranges would be ideal. You would go to various outposts and locations to search for food and other necessities such as weapons and ammo. Exploration would be key to your survival and you can’t sit in one location for long before running out of resources. A story can also be developed using the free roaming elements and side-missions can be done for various survivors.

Realistic Survival

If you have ever played Fallout New Vegas’ Hardcore mode, you might have a rough idea of how this works. Many games would ignore your hunger and tiredness and just have you murder a bunch of zombies. What we need are gauges that measure your hunger, thirst and fatigue which you have to maintain at all times. When these meters run out you can be severely limited and ineffective so it’s instrumental that you maintain them at all times. This provides tension and a feeling of desperateness when your meters run low and you can’t find any resources. This then makes exploration an important aspect of survival because you will need to raid locations in order to get resources you need.

Menacing Enemies

Zombies in recent games are portrayed as weak and you can easily take them out with a swing of an axe or a shot to the head and they don’t present any real challenge. What this game would do is make the zombies capable of destroying you without any effort at all. This will force you to develop strategies and use stealth elements to get where you need to go. Distract zombies, lure them into traps, use the environment and so forth. It will be better to avoid rather than confront. The weapons you have available are scarce and break easily so you can only use them when you absolutely have to. Ammo is a precious resource too so blindly firing into a group of zombies is not recommended at all. The potential of this is astonishing and the tension that can derive from proper implementation can be legendary.

Survival Focused

It’s all about surviving. Going in rambo style won’t help anyone and would only negatively impact you down the line. You need to carefully manage your resources, make sure you don’t alert too many enemies and only use offense when you absolutely have to. The product of this can be a tense, nerve racking experience that would have you on the edge of your seat at all times.

Conclusion

Zombie games in recent times have been much more action focused and would only have you mow down a group of zombies with a minigun than provide any tension or atmosphere. We need this sort of game in our lives and pave the way for more amazing zombie titles rather than the generic “shoot the walking corpse in the head” we have now. What’s your personal wishlist for a great zombie game?

We have all witnessed the controversy and heated debates surrounding the new Xbox’s Always-Online rumors and some people have even gotten fired over it. We have all dealt with it in our own way, but the general consensus is that everybody and their cat’s great grandfather thinks that Always-Online is a terrible, horrible, disgusting idea. What we do not know is that some people think that Always-Online is God’s gift to man and women, even ousting some of the most attractive patrons of nightclubs. A specific sub-sector has taken a great interest in this technology and it’s not what you would expect. Yes, now your spoons and toasters will be required to have internet at all times. This might make Always-Online internet not so bad.

A new kitchenware corporation with the name of WiFiSpoons Ltd. has taken great interest in this technology and they aim to further improve our shallow kitchen usages with better, more improved technology. They have integrated a brand new cutting-edge technology into normal everyday utensils and devices to make your meager living much more extravagant. What they have achieved is nothing short of mind blasting. They have created a tiny microchip capable of fitting into any device they want that can send and receive data over the internet. You may be excused if you just had an accident in your pants because I sure did.

Their first groundbreaking invention is an internet capable spoon that you can use to post updates to your social networks about what you are eating at that time. It uses intricate detection software to determine if there is Corn Flakes or mince meat in your bowl. It can also take photos if you hold it on front of your food and post it to wherever you wish. “Better than Instagram” is the slogan for this groundbreaking invention. You will be required to have internet at all times at a specific spot in your house and if your internet disconnects for whatever reason, the spoon will turn into an unnamed substance that is heavier than Thor’s hammer. This will make it incapable of being used and the reason for this is stated by the company CEO, Richard Bellend: “If you don’t have internet then fuck you, go live in Africa.” Possibly the best literary sentence I’ve read since Hamlet.

That’s not their only offering, however, and they also have a top of the line toaster available. This toaster will be able to play music that has been exclusively made by Exclusively Exclusive Studios for your exclusive use. It can also download updates to further enhance its already orgasmic bread burning capabilities. Like their spoon, the Toaster 9003 has to be connected to the internet at all times. If it disconnects then a loud siren will go off and Justin Bieber will be screaming the phrase “You have to move!” over and over until it is connected again. It also generates plastic toast that flies out of it with the words “Go live in Africa- CEO” engraved into it.

That’s just a sampling of the various devices that will be made available to us and all they require is a permanent connection of at least 5 Gbps. Not much to ask for nowadays seeing as every country in the entire world and even the moon has an extremely high speed internet infrastructure. Excluding those filthy Africans, but we don’t talk about them anymore. Other products include an electricity-less vacuum cleaner that runs only on 4chan posts, a ladle that downloads all the latest episodes of Game of Thrones, a fork that can correctly guess what you’re going to eat the next day and a mixer that can play every episode of Epic Meal Time.

So expect our lives to be forever changed for the better and be ready to embrace the technological age. At this very moment I’m sampling one of the company’s latest inventions which is a straw that can read me poetry. If it disconnects from the internet it explodes with the same force as a pipe bomb, but I don’t need to worry about th—–

Fuse is game about 4 unique characters that have their own unique powers that they can do unique things with. The word unique has been thrown around quite a bit, but is it really the case? We, as gamers, are not unfamiliar with 4 player games that offer characters with their own powers that are exclusive to them. When this mechanic comes to mind, everyone instantly thinks Borderlands because of how well it implemented it. It’s a great way to play with friends and have everyone cooperating to achieve the goal as efficiently as possible. Fuse tries to implement the same mechanics with its rag tag bunch of characters with their own special powers and abilities.

Name: Fuse
Genre: Third person shooter
Players: 4
Multiplayer: Yes
Platforms: PS3, Xbox 360, PC
Developers: Insomniac Games
Publishers: EA
Release Date: 31 May 2013
Price: R559 (PS3, Xbox 360), R379 (PC)

Fuse is being developed by Insomniac Games. You may know them from their franchises, Resistance and Ratchet and Clank. Most of their games have received positive reviews and good feedback from the gaming community, so at least they have a good pedigree and a habit of making good games. You may know Fuse from its previous name, Overstrike, that received moderate attention in the past. Insomniac are breaking away from their established genres and going to the fields of third person shooters which might be an odd choice because it’s something they haven’t done much of in their previous titles. Will it pay off for them? We have to wait and see.

In Fuse the main focus is on an alien technology with the name of, you guessed it, Fuse. It’s an alien energy source with massive destructive potential and tons of uses. An organization emerges that aims to eradicate the whole of humanity with the help of the Fuse compound and it’s up to a team with the name of Overstrike 9 to wipe out this organization before any harm is done. Overstrike 9 are a team of misfits with various personalities and motivations and is the epitome of unorthodox partnerships.

At first glance Fuse might look like it’s borrowing a lot from Borderlands with its specialized characters and experience based skill trees. They aim to provide every character with special abilities that can benefit the team as a whole and make combat much simpler with coordinated teamwork. There are 4 characters available that you can use with their own special equipment or specialization. Their names are: Dalton Brooks, Isabelle “Izzy” Sinclair, Jacob Kimble and Naya Deveraux. Each of them offer their own tactical advantage and function with their own unique weapons. Here’s a closer look at each of the characters and what they are capable of:

Dalton Brooks

Dalton can be seen as the unofficial “leader” of Overstrike 9. He is a “shoot first and ask questions later” type and would rather rush into combat than formulate any kind of strategy. He is a sarcastic man that makes snarky remarks whenever he can. He has a weapon called the Magshield that deploys a huge shield that can catch and redirect enemy fire. This makes him the defender of the group that can take enemy fire and allow the rest of the team to get behind him for better cover. The team can also fire through the shield which opens up a lot of tactical options.

Isabelle “Izzy” Sinclair

Izzy is the brains of the operation and using her vast intelligence, she can analyse situations and formulate a solid plan. She is a former intelligence broker and is mainly a support class. Her weapon is a Scattergun that lifts enemies out of cover and provides a clean shot for the rest of the team. She is also the healer of the group and can deploy a Med Beacon that revives allies in a specific radius.

Jacob Kimble

Jacob is a former LAPD homicide detective that knows his way around the block when it comes to violence. He has a pretty short temper and a low tolerance for insubordination. His weapon of choice is a crossbow with the name of Arcshot that’s essentially a sniper. It has the ability to create molten hot mercury traps that set enemies on fire the instant they touch it.

Naya Deveraux

Naya is the close-quarters specialist of the group. As a former assassin, she is trained in the art of stealth and can effectively pick targets off without being spotted. Her weapon, Warp Rifle, is able to cloak her and give her a significant advantage in stealth sections. The weapon can also create singularities that rip enemies to pieces.
Fuse also offers platforming elements that you can utilize to flank your enemies and gain higher ground. There are also stealth elements, but they are not a focused part of gameplay and can be used to pick off a few enemies before initiating a fight. Fuse uses basic skill trees that you can upgrade using experience points and special upgrades that you can buy using the game’s currency. You earn experience by killing enemies, but you get higher experience if you use combos and creative kills almost in the same fashion as Bulletstorm. It has been mentioned that the game encourages multiple playthroughs to fully upgrade a character.

Suspected Selling Points

• The 4-player co-op focus can be really fun if pulled off well
• Unique weapons to each character can open a lot of fun strategic opportunities
• Experience gaining can be a fun experience and combos can be worthwhile to pull off
• Because of the rag tag nature of Overstrike 9, there can be massive potential for good character chemistry
• Can potentially be a 4-player co-op experience that rivals Borderlands

Potential Pitfalls

• It’s published by EA so you can almost expect shoddy servers and Online Passes
• Insomniac Games don’t have much experience with the genre
• Singleplayer might be lacklustre if the co-op AI are a bunch of idiots
• Has the risk of potentially having a very short campaign
• Skill trees and unique weapons might not be as deep as anticipated
• Might just be another generic third person shooter with a bunch of RPG elements thrown in

Fuse has the potential to be a great game even with its stupid name and all. Because of the diverse characters we can possibly see great dialogue and an enjoyable experience that goes along with that. Not much is known about the game and it runs a great risk at being another generic shooter that we have seen a thousand times already, but time will tell if it’s something great or something you would find in a bargain bin.

The Behemoth is a game company that many gamers love. At first they brought us Alien Hominid, a side-scrolling shooting game that was immensely hard, but was loved by many. Then they gave us the absolutely amazing Castle Crashers that just blew down all the doors and won the hearts of millions of people. Castle Crashers is one of the best games available on the arcade market and one that gave Behemoth millions of fans and universal praise. To say that BattleBlock Theater had a lot to live up to is the understatement of the year. It has to really bring the thunder to live up to its pedigree. And it did. Beautifully at that.

The first thing I absolutely have to mention is the narrator. He’s a cross between an English gentleman and an American comedian. He follows you throughout the entire game, narrating the story and makes snarky remarks whenever you mess up or start a level. What’s noticeable about him is that he is absolutely gut-burstingly hilarious. When I watched the very first cutscene I had to pause the game because I was laughing too much. The humour scores extremely high on the quirky meter and some of the things said just make you go “what the hell” before laughing profusely. So many things have made me laugh out loud that it’s amazing.

The story is a testament to quirkiness. You are on a boat (yeah, I also broke out into song) with a whole bunch of your friends and your “friendship leader”, Hatty. A massive storm hits and washes you and your friends onto an island that has been inhabited by orange cats. They imprison you and use you as a form of entertainment in sadistic arenas that are designed to kill you. Hatty also gets enslaved by a magical, you guessed it, hat and is seen as being obedient to the cats. The story moves along with the use of cutscenes that are basically paper cutouts on sticks. The scenes are very well animated and the hilarious narrator is just the cherry on top. You will have this driving force on every act to finish it and experience the next hilarious cutscene.

BattleBlock is at its core a platformer with most of the platformer elements at play. Jumping, double jumping, using various tools to cross obstacles and so forth. Every level consists of blocks with their own unique properties. You get normal blocks that you walk around as normal, exploding blocks that explode when you touch them, spike blocks that impale you, cloud blocks that you can only jump on when you’re below them and much more. The arrangement of these blocks is what constitutes a level. You also get other mechanics that get introduced such as paper boats that can be used to traverse water and single use items such as wings and jetpacks to be used to reach higher ground.

There are also enemies in the shape of cats that you can destroy and even exploit. They use and arrangement of weapons and are determined to take you down no matter what. They can sit in pesky locations that you cannot reach and throw obstacles at you or they try to push you into environmental hazards. You can also buy all the weapons they use to use against them. All these elements combined makes for one intense platforming experience. The first few levels might be easy, but they really rack up the difficulty on later stages, making harder, more extreme levels that will thoroughly test your platforming abilities.

The game plays out in acts (like a theater, obviously) that consist of about 9 chapters in total and a final timed “boss” level that you have to pass as quickly as possible. In order to progress, you need to collect green gems that are scattered all over the levels. You only need 3 gems to open the exit and progress to the next chapter, but there are upwards of 7 gems that you can collect per chapter as well as a secret item in the shape of a ball of yarn. While you only have to collect a fraction of the gems to progress, you will feel compelled to collect as many as you possibly can. You can use these gems to “free prisoners” from a containment unit, but it’s just for buying new head shapes that you can use. Some of these head shapes are borderline hilarious and it’s so worth it to buy as much as possible. Yarn buys you weapons, but after a short while the weapons available run dry and you can’t spend yarn on anything else, but this is solved by trading with other players that need yarn for other things.

Each act gives you a rank based on how you did with regards to gems collected, yarn collected and a time bonus. If you achieve all three perfectly you get an A++ rank that gives you 2 extra gems. A nice incentive to play as good as you possibly could. What annoyed me was that they don’t give you the time target that you have to aim for which makes it hard to actually gauge how well you are doing. Most of the time I only received A ranks after collecting everything, but missing the time bonus because I did not know what I was aiming for. A minor annoyance, however, and after playing a chapter once, you can easily breeze through it and get the time bonus.

The visuals are very reminiscent of Behemoth’s previous titles and they still have their established charm and quirkiness about them. The game is a visual treat of cartoony violence and paper cutout cinematics. The blocks and levels are also very well designed and have many visual features incorporated into them to give them a unique feel.

The soundtrack is about as quirky as the game itself, but it fits extremely well as a backdrop to these insane levels. It will just put you in a happy mood and make you smile when you hear it. Some of the background music sounds like that Trolol song we know so well and others are very techno rich. Sometimes the narrator even does a little acapella. An extremely well done soundtrack that just ticks all the boxes.

The game offers a co-op mode which you can play with a friend. The levels are remastered into arenas where you have to use teamwork to progress. New mechanics get introduces such as throwing your partner and pulling them up from high places. Things get a little strange if you don’t have a stable connection, but that might just be my terrible internet line. It did make for some entertaining accidents and both my co-op partner and myself were laughing our brains out at some of the things that happened on screen. You can also be sadistic towards your buddy and throw them into hazards and generally be extremely mean, but that’s dependent on how much you hate each other. It makes for a very entertaining experience and I thoroughly recommend it to anybody that loves co-op games.

I could not experience the multiplayer thanks to my horrible internet connection, but there are a multitude of modes available to play with other people. These range from simple challenges to quirky mini-games. I wish I could have experienced it, but alas. There’s also a level creator that you can utilize that gives you everything that is available in the game to construct your own insane levels. It’s very thorough and easy to use so it’s a great tool for all the creative types out there. You can upload your created levels for other people to play and also download levels that you can play yourself. They range from incredibly challenging to just downright silly.

BattleBlock Theater is a game that just does everything right. The story and characters are absolutely hilarious and the platforming mechanics are very well implemented. It’s a game that will have you addicted and playing for hours without even realising you’re doing it. Go buy the game if you’re looking for an amazing arcade experience.

I’ve been called a radical lover of games from many people inside the gaming community and that’s proven by me playing a billion games and having the GamerScore so high it might be arrested for drug possession. And it’s absolutely and irrefutably true. I love games. I love everything about games to the point where it’s my identity. I have written countless articles telling people about the greatness of gaming. Everything from the deepness of narrative to the euphoric joys of playing something mindless. I feel like reiterating some of those statements because I can’t get enough of praising games. This time I would like to talk about that feeling you get when something amazing happens in a game that just leaves you awe-struck and speechless.

I’ve played some games recently that have really got to me. Those are Spec-Ops The Line, BioShock Infinite and The Walking Dead (the non-shit one). All of these games are very narrative and story driven, but the events in those games have really captured my imagination and invoked feelings that I really didn’t think I had. More importantly, those feelings came from a videogame. Something that society constantly dismisses. I’ve had another instance of ignorance at my university in the form of a lecturer saying that games “don’t really have a lot of words and speaking”. I swiftly went into defensive mode and corrected her stating that she has absolutely no idea how much “speaking” there actually is in games.

I don’t know if these people really understand just how much emotion and moments of complete shock games are capable of. For example, the surprisingly amazing Spec-Ops The Line had me clenching my head with wide-eyed shock, uttering the words: “Oh God, what have I done.” A pretty powerful statement with a game filled with “mindless shooting” wouldn’t you think? To invoke such a strong response is no small feat. Books, movies and other forms of storytelling don’t posses the ability to make you feel bad for something you have done. They just can’t because it’s not an interactive experience. That’s why I’m so drawn to games because it involves me doing certain actions and not just being a spectator from the outside.

The Walking Dead did something incredible. It made me cry. I cried because of a game. If any jock alive would have witnessed this event I would be called gay so fast that it would make even the most prominent internet troll envious. How can I cry because of some random pixels and strings of code? It’s fantastic that a game can give you such strong feelings that you physically cry. An action that’s taken for granted because of over-emotional housewives and teenage girls. I’m a big guy with an almost cold outlook on everything and some dire cynicism and it made me cry like a little schoolgirl that lost her balloon.

BioShock Infinite made me feel many, many things. Tranquility, sadness, shock, amazement, tragedy, depression and even love. Just look at that list. Those are just from the top of my head. Those things would never be associated with videogames by the ignorant populace. They would rather throw you with books and movies because you “lack culture”, but little do they know, that we have experienced so much more than they will ever have. We were in control of an actual character and sometimes dictated what they would do. We were there inside the story, first-hand, executing actions and initiated events. We were not just some hovering entity that just simply looked at it.

I’m not saying books, movies and what have you don’t have emotional experiences because quite the opposite is true, but gamers experience it on a much more personal level. And that’s why I will always love it. Call me over-positive, call me obsessive, I won’t care because I know how I felt and you can never take that away from me.

Games these days have broad ideas to play with. They can be linear shooters or have worlds the size of Uganda, without the charm. Literally anything is possible in the magical world of games. There can be entire towns full of unique people or an entire galaxy that’s looking to you for answers. With infinite possibilities, you have to sometimes wonder what goes on behind the scenes of your favourite games. What happens when you walk away out of sight? Is everything lost in some sort of singularity only to return if you go there again or does life go on within the confines of that play area? Are there little gaming characters that roam the empty fields of your destruction?

I’m here to tell you that there are! And I’m going to expose what goes on behind the scenes of games.

1.The Cleanup Crew

Have you ever mowed down hundreds of foreigners in modern war shooters and actually looked at all the corpses just lying around? These corpses can be in the middle of hallways or inside some diner in America. They can’t just lie there for years because the stench would make even the most hardcore WoW player gag, and just think of all the flies and maggots. So in every modern military shooter there is a crew of three guys. Their names are Julio, Fredrick and Bob. Their job is to go into these scenes of butchery and clean up after the careless military men that just leave thousands of rotting bodies on the floor.

Julio is in charge of putting them all in a wheelbarrow the size of a skip. He has said that he likes the intimacy of hugging all these unknown dead men and he even claims to hear them speak. He has been a little wonky since that one guy accidentally fell onto a generator and looked like he was doing the Harlem Shake. Occupational hazards are ever present for these unsung heroes. Frederick is the priest of the group and he says a few blessings, throws some tap water on the pile of corpses and throws a rose into the skip. Bob  just sets fire to shit. He is a convicted pyromaniac and they thought it was best to put his skills use in something more constructive. They repeat these steps every day for every shooting maniac that leaves the population of a small island on the floor.

There is also a subdivision in an alternate dimension where a gentleman by the name of Jesús (you know, the Mexican one) teleports corpses into a giant abyss of toilet spray. When you see corpses just disappear in front of your eyes, know that Jesús has gotten a little ahead of himself.  He is an excellent worker after all.

2. Helicopter Pilots

Do you even know how long it takes to get a helicopter licence, let alone know how to operate an attack helicopter? These guys had to write countless theory tests and have to know everything there can possibly be known about a helicopter, from its wheels to its rotors. They had to endure months of simulations and practice flights and hardly get any free time or rest. They have become detached from their families from being too overworked and their kids don’t even remember their name. They had to endure constant drilling and military practice and work extra hard to get into the aviation division. The have to be trained for years and years to finally be able to operate weaponry on a helicopter.

Then on their first mission, all bright eyed and willing to prove something, they get shot down within minutes by some jackass with a missile launcher. A tragic waste of potential. Let’s all have a line of silence for these brave men that have been killed in their prime.

3. Victims Of Random Theft

Countless JRPG’s give you the ability to just randomly walk into someone’s house and smash their pots and take their stuff that they have placed inside a chest. The sheer audacity of characters just waltzing into someone’s space and doing what they please is enough to make anyone sick to their stomach. What you don’t realise is that these inhabitants are all under a spell when you enter their domain and remain clueless of your activities until you leave. It’s unknown why this phenomenon happens, but it just does. Many scholars believe that it’s a byproduct of that one time when Cloud and Squall had an angst off. The effects were so dire that they can still be witnessed today, especially in lightning.

What you also didn’t realise is that you are severely impacting the lives of the inhabitants that occupy that recently looted house. You would think that green herb is worthless and barely worth the effort to pick up, but you would be wrong. That specific green herb was a special collector’s GreenHerb that’s worth thousands. It might look like a normal green herb to you, but there are slight mutations on the leafs that can only be found in 0.000314% of green herbs. That “worthless” green herb from a chest was actually the family’s last hope of survival. They were going to sell it to some aristocratic collector for thousands that they could have used to afford treatment for their little girl and be able to buy a new house where the rats wouldn’t eat their toes.

After your “valiant” departure from the village they realise the herb is missing and panic. They can’t even afford basic necessities because the man of the house was recently fired from the pottery shop. Now they are forced to live on the streets in the bitter cold and lose their little girl. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

4. Wormholes In Empty Rooms

Ever played a shooter where enemies just came at you and never seemed to stop? After killing countless enemies and making Jesús mad as hell, you move one step forward and the insurmountable horde just suddenly stops coming. Your curiosity probably gets the better of you and you check out where this division of Rommel’s army kept coming out of, only to find nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just a door to a room with four concrete walls and a whole lot of jack shit. You then find yourself wondering how around 50 dudes manage to fit into that small space without reenacting a scene from a gay cruise ship. You scratch your head and move on. Little did you know that there was a wormhole in that little room.

A wormhole leading to a massive sentient being that’s giving birth to adult soldiers with weapons and all. During their 30 second Matrix style training, they get bombardment by propaganda such as Hitler being being painted as a naked angle for World War 2 shooters and re-runs of Honey Boo Boo for the America hating modern shooters. When they get plopped out of the moist… assembly line, they will fight to the death for what they believe in. The reason for this wormhole disappearing after you move a few steps is that the sentient soldier queen can be destroyed by the simple phrase “What the fuck?” which is a certainty at this point. She then closes the wormhole to protect herself to fight for another day when another mediocre shooter gets released.

5. Demons Are Actually Pretty Chill

A lot of games love to spawn demons from the depths of hell to try and take you out as brutally as possible. Their preferred method of intrusion is by portal and sometimes from the ground for dramatic effect. What you did not know is that these horrible disfigured demons are actually the most peaceful dudes you will ever meet. In their home of Hell all they do all day is watch Big Bang Theory and Breaking Bad while lighting up some Demonic Grass. They would lounge around for hours talking about the legalization of DG because apparently Satan is a square and doesn’t like people to be mellow. Satan also likes to think of himself as a sort of Kim Jong-Un and he will send these peace loving dudes to the hell that is Earth to fight some emo-looking guy in a red coat.

These demons don’t intend any harm and would just like to talk to fella and straighten out some problems, but as soon as they pop up they get shot with bullets for no apparent reason. They then go into a blood rage because Satan implanted them with the same re-runs of Honey Boo Boo as the soldier queen when they are subjected to any bodily harm. A tragic story for these peace loving race of monstrosities that just wanted to relax on a bean bag and order an unreasonable amount of Hell Pizza. Which, granted, is delicious because it’s made by Gordon Ramsey on his night shift.

Conclusion

There are a lot of things that we do not know about within our games and it’s sometimes better to not discover them. There are many things happening behind the scenes that we would never notice. In all seriousness though (I don’t think there’s any left) I just thought you lovely people needed a chuckle today. Now go do those pie charts/homework assignments/rituals/secretaries with a smile on your face.

The Army of Two franchise’s strength lies in its name. It’s a game designed for two players and synchronized teamwork. Previous iterations had you fill the shoes of either Rios or Salem. Together they completed contracts and earned enough money to buy a small continent by just shooting a load of dudes in the face. The previous installment, The 40th Day, tried something different by throwing in moral dilemmas and a stronger focus on story even if that’s not what the series is known for. The attempt failed and just came across as unnecessary padding instead of any real substance. So what they did with The Devil’s Cartel is throw all those ideas out of the window and just stuck with shooting guys in the face with other guys that have their faces covered with masks that have enough technology in them to run Crysis on Ultra.

If you have played any of the previous games you will already be familiar with the two man army Rios and Salem. You would be excused to think that they would just continue with those two because of their good chemistry and established characters, but instead you get plopped into the shoes of two new guys creatively named Alpha and Bravo. Alpha and Bravo are new recruits to the T.W.O. corporation that Rios and Salem established because they made so much money that they can afford advanced weapons, helicopters, steel-plated battle trucks and an entire army base. Alpha and Bravo set out to prove themselves on a mission to Mexico where drug cartels roam free and keep the civilian populace under a blanket of constant fear.

The first mission was a fairly straightforward hostage rescue operation that turns horribly bad. After that the story evolves into a tale of politics, corruption, revenge and betrayal. While that might sound exciting, it really isn’t. The story is so predictable and boring that you would hardly even pay attention to it. As I’m sitting here I can’t even remember what it was that drove the story forward, I just continued on shooting things. A really annoying aspect of the story is when any new character gets introduced, they die within the next 5 or 10 minutes. Every time. You meet other T.W.O. operatives on your journey and they seem like they could be interesting characters once you get to know them, but nope, they will all die before you can even remember their name.

The main focus will obviously be put on the the two main characters, Alpha and Bravo, but even their stories are wrapped up in mystery and you never really get to know them. You have absolutely no idea who these guys are, what their motivations are or if they have any past demons that plague their mind. Even with that they have a certain degree of charm that I found appealing. You get instances where everything is all serious and methodical, but more often than not they will engage each other with trash talk, funny observations and lighthearted insults even during the heat of battle. Most of these back and forth conversations have truly made me laugh or at the very least put a smile on my face.

There is one prime boogeyman within the game with the equally creative name of El Diablo. He is a fearsome, battle hardened, masked lunatic, but his identity is supposed to be a mystery even if you know exactly who he is when you first see him. It’s so obvious that you find yourself baffled how Alpha and Bravo continue to act oblivious to it. You would think that the big exposè would happen quickly, but they save the entire reveal for the end part of the game. And the game isn’t that short either with a good 8-10 hours of gameplay on the Normal difficulty setting. It all struck me as rather odd and insulting how they think their audience is so stupid that they can’t put one and two together. Other than that, the story is mostly forgettable and unoriginal.

Moving on from the ludicrous story, we get to combat. The prime core of a game such as this. Like I said, Army of Two has a very close focus on cooperative gameplay where every scenario has to involve some sort of teamwork in order to survive. For the most part Devil’s Cartel pulls it off rather well with you and your teammate having to work together in order to be as efficient as possible. Previous Army of Two games had an Agro meter that signified which one of you are making the most noise and taking fire from enemies while the other person can flank them without the fear of turning into a cheese grater.  Devil’s Cartel still has this, but there is no indication of which person is Agro and which person isn’t which strikes me as a rather weird choice. While playing I told my co-op partner to blindfire and draw attention, but when I fired one shot every enemy in the room was shooting at me. There’s no meter or colour indicator or anything even when there was in previous games.

Besides that, teamwork is a very important aspect. There are long range targets and short range targets to worry about and if none of you have a long range weapon and good aim then there might be trouble. There are also many instances where you have to flank a mounted machine gun by having one person draw attention behind cover while the other one sneaks by for a surprise attack. This is where the Agro meter is sorely missed because the mounted machine gun can rip you to shreds and if you shoot only a little bit it will draw all its attention to you if you’re the one doing the surprise attack. You do get used to it after a while, but it’s still a stupid and easy problem to fix.

Shooting is your standard third person shooter affair with cover, blindfire and normal weapon handling. There’s nothing new or interesting except maybe the Overkill mechanic. Overkill is a state you can enter that temporarily alters all logic and science by having you be invincible with unlimited ammo and bullets that explode and destroy everything. You build up your Overkill meter by doing certain actions for points such as normal kills and headshots for low points and flanking and co-op focusing for high points. Once that meter is full you can activate the mode whenever you wish and turn into a marine Zeus. Just to give you an idea of how ridiculous it is, you can fire a 50 cal sniper rifle with the speed of a machine gun without stopping.

You get two states of Overkill namely Single Overkill and Double Overkill. Single Overkill can be activated by you or your partner that makes your weapons ridiculously overpowered and grants invincibility. Double Overkill is when both you and your teammate activate Overkill at the same time which throws everything into slow motion and make the effect last for longer. There is a level of strategy involved in the usage of Overkill because it does take a while to build up. If you activate it with only a few enemies then you will waste a huge advantage and if you activate it and find yourself in the middle of the battlefield when it ends then you will swiftly die.

Overkill is the only mechanic that makes shooting loads of dudes a bit more fun because of it’s rampant destruction. Speaking of destruction, the destruction physics are impressive for the most part with walls breaking and objects smashing when in contact with explosions. It is very limited though and only really applies to knee high cover walls and random boxes and you can’t destroy entire buildings or shoot pillars to make a balcony fall. But it is fun to see the world just crumbling when you active Overkill and have your tiny handgun destroy everything with the force and velocity of a goddamn speed train.

The missions themselves are a joke. All you do is go from A to B, shoot whatever is in the way and progress. There aren’t any great setpieces and even the few that you do see are just standard fare for any military shooter. You do get to drive a truck while your buddy is on the back with a machine gun, but the road is as linear as the game and the sequence ends in about 3 minutes. There is also no reward for exploration thanks to the complete absence of any sort of collectibles or secrets and you would just find yourself going straight to where you have to go. Every mission is broken up into sections of 5-10 minute shooting galleries with little to no interesting events happening in between. When you finish you get a rundown of how you did and earn money accordingly.

What makes the game more bearable is the customization options. There are a ton of weapons of every kind that you can purchase. You can hold two primary weapons so if you prefer to have a high-powered sniper rifle and a shotgun then you can if you feel like it. You can then customize those weapons further with scopes, muzzles, stocks, magazine upgrades, attachments and what have you. These upgrades are all very cool and useful such as a double drum magazine for an assault rifle that makes the capacity insane. You can also paint your weapons in a slew of colours and patterns to make them unique to you.

You don’t only customize your weapons, but also your character. You can choose from an extensive range of wacky and badass masks to wear as well as tattoos and gear. You can even create your own mask with its own vinyls and colours (you can almost expect people to make a giant penis with this tool). You can effectively make your character look like a total badass or a silly man running around with a massive smiley face on his mask. It’s very extensive and makes you want to play more just to be able to afford the things on offer. You also get rank based on how much money you make that allows you to unlock more things.

The visuals are impressive and feature highly detailed character models and weapons. The environments look great, but most of them are the same brown desert, broken down buildings affair. There were some parts where the vistas looked really impressive, but you hardly get to marvel at them because of the speed of the game. The graphics can be described as above average for the most part and it is a pretty game to play. What really confused me was the layout of the HUD. Your Overkill meter and T.W.O. vision (which is useless anyway) gauges are almost at the center of your screen. It would have been much more user-friendly if they were a little further away or put in different locations. But it isn’t a game breaking fault. There have been instances where the game did in fact break and stopped progress from happening. There were around 3 occasions where the door to the next area would not work forcing a checkpoint reload and 2 occasions where nothing happened after a battle and forced another reload. Also, the game froze once.

The game is incredibly gory as well with limbs that explode and heads that can be shot clean off. You can essentially completely dismember an enemy if you feel like it. If you shoot an enemy in his chest or abdomen, it shows the torn flesh, exposed organs and bones that stick out. It’s a satisfying type of gore and makes the action more intense and frantic.

The soundtrack isn’t really anything to write home about, but it is above average with pumping beats and good composing. The main menu music is impressive in its composition and worth noting. There isn’t really anything special on offer, but it does the job well to give you that feel of battle and frantic firefights. The guns sound a little on the weak side though and don’t really feel that powerful. Even with the insane Overkill damage boosts, guns still sound a little tame.

There are no competitive multiplayer modes which might be a negative for some, but it feels like a positive for me because the game wouldn’t transpire well into a multiplayer game. You can join random people’s game that needs a second player or host one yourself and wait for someone to join. There is a special Overkill edition that you can get that gives you extra missions, but it’s only for people that have bought the game new. I didn’t receive a code in my review copy so I can make no comment on the quality.

Devil’s Cartel is a game you take at face value. It’s something you play with a buddy when you are bored and have nothing better to do than shoot a bunch of guys in the face. It’s a fun game, but there isn’t much in terms of depth and substance and you will swiftly grow bored of the constant shooting galleries and worthless story. The game is not intended for extended play and will only really work in short bursts. A bargain bin purchase if there ever was one. Play this if you’re just looking for another mindless shooter that you can play with a friend. Don’t expect the world and Devil’s Cartel won’t give you the world. A forgettable albeit fun experience.

BioShock Infinite is a phenomenal game. This much is certain. It’s the type of game that makes every fibre of your being vibrate with happiness. The story is fantastic, the combat is satisfying and the conclusion is master class. I played it obsessively for days since it released and after finishing the game on Normal, I decided that I wanted a challenge. I wanted to experience this game the best I can. So I decided to start a new playthrough on 1999 mode with the added challenge of not buying a single thing from a Dollar Bill vending machine because of achievements. 1999 mode is essentially BioShock Infinite’s “Insane” mode with more difficult enemies and much less health.

I was a bit intimidated at first thinking that I’m going to struggle my ass off with every combat scenario there was, but that was only partially true. 1999 mode is a challenge. Enemies are tough, relentless and will do everything in their power to kill you as violently as humanly possible. If you don’t take cover for only a few seconds then you will be turned into ribbons by constant gunfire and your health just vanishing in front of your eyes at a lightning fast rate. A few bullets from a light enemy will decimate your shield and one hit from a heavy enemy will put you into a critical state. This mode is certainly not for the faint of heart.

While it was very difficult at times, it was more challenging than hair-rippingly frustrating. Every combat situation could be done with proper use of weapons and Vigors and it hardly becomes overwhelming. Also, there is no real penalty for dying other than a few dollars being deducted so it can also become a sequence of trial and error. Enemies do recover their health so some of the bigger enemies can become quite a challenge if you run out of ammo after dying too many times and cannot find any more.

The added challenge of not being able to buy anything from a Dollar Bill store made everything so much more challenging. Because of your enemies’ bolstered health you will constantly run out of ammo. There were so many instances where a trip to the vending machine would have made my life a whole lot easier especially when my most powerful weapon had no ammo and I had to resort to replacing it with random weapons dropped from enemies. Scavenging is a must if you choose to do this and more often than not, weapons and ammo will always be around just waiting for you to discover it.

Some fights were extremely tough and most of them have to do with mass amounts of enemies that completely overpower and surround you. Some of these sections can be done with careful strategies and proper use of Vigors and some of them can be done by just sitting behind a rock or a trash-can and taking pot-shots with whatever weapon you have that has ammo and only running out to get some supplies. It all depends on what is happening at that time.

Here are some strategies that I have developed during my playthrough of 1999 mode that you can use. Note that some of these will have mild spoilers, but if you’re playing 1999 mode then you had to finish the game in any way. Unless you used the Konami code and unlocked it early and decided “Screw it, I’m going to do my first playthrough like this”. If you did then I commend you, you mad person.

General Tips

These tips are just for general survival and effective combat:

• Cover is more essential than ever in this mode. Once you see an enemy shooting at you immediately move to cover. If there are only a few enemies, a good strategy to use is to wait until they reload and then pop them in the face as quickly as you can. This strategy is essential with turrets seeing as they are more ruthless than ever. Wait until they stop shooting and use the 3-4 second window to get as many shots in as possible. It may not be as exciting, but sometimes it’s your only means of survival.
• Abuse Elizabeth. Not like that you freak. Elizabeth will throw ammo to you at random times and this can be a godsend in this mode. If you have a powerful weapon and your ammo has run dry, a good strategy is to keep that weapon out for a while and hope Elizabeth will throw some ammo at you. I have noticed a limit in this ability and she will only throw you ammo a maximum of 2 times at the most, so make proper use of it.
• Choose your favourite weapon and stick with it. If you have a weapon that you use all the time and are pretty skilled with then keep that weapon on you at all times. Also, upgrade that weapon as often as you can so that you can deal some heavy damage. I chose the Hand Cannon as my preferred weapon and after upgrading it to its maximum potential it was quite a force to behold. The Hand Cannon is kind of a strange choice because of its low ammo capacity, but its insane power made up for that. You can also use a weapon that enemies constantly use so you know you can get ammo off them.
• Trash-cans and baskets are more useful than you think. I have noticed something while I was playing that loot containers have the supplies you need the most at that time. When my Hand Cannon was completely dry I would find ammo in trash-cans, cabinets and other random places. Try to exploit this as much as you can by equipping the weapon with the least amount of ammo while you are away scavenging.

Infusion Upgrades

You find Infusion upgrades throughout the game in random places and in optional quests. When you drink them, you get a choice of 3 upgrades. Health, shield or salts. This decision is crucial because it can either make your life easier or a living hell. Many people will choose their own build of character, but the build that makes sense to me the most, and what I ended up using, is to upgrade my shield and salts as much as I could. It’s a good idea to alternate between the two at first and not just upgrade one specific slot. The reason for this is as follows: health is kind of useless in this mode. That might sound ridiculous, but it’s true. When your shields drop your health will just vanish as quickly as it can.

It’s a better option to just upgrade your shield as much as you can because that allows you to hide and recharge it when it goes down. If you have massive health you will have to find health kits lying around and in mid-combat that’s not a good idea. Once your shield has reached its full potential, you can take quite a few hits before it goes down. And when it goes down you just have to suck your thumb for a while before it comes back up. Salts are essential because of obvious reasons. The more salt capacity you have, the more Vigors you can cast before you run dry and some Vigors are essential for your survival as this next entry will outline.

Vigor Combinations And Strategies

There are specific Vigors that will give you an edge in combat. Some of your other Vigors might go by unused, but that’s the price of survival. Vigors are mostly subjected to preference and some people might use other combinations that work for them, but these are the Vigors that helped me out a lot in combat.

Bucking Bronco: This is a good Vigor to use because of two reasons. It flings your enemies up in the air and gives you some much deserved time to shoot them or move to a new position and it doesn’t cost a lot of salts. These two advantages make it the perfect tool in combat because you can throw your enemies in the air, shoot them as much as you can and then do it all again without worrying about using too much salt. This will be your general purpose Vigor because of its usefulness and you can still combine it with other more aggressive Vigors such as Devil’s Kiss and Shock Jockey. It’s also worth noting that when you have enemies in the air and shoot them with an RPG, it creates a massive cluster explosion that damages everyone around it. Try and buy the upgrade that makes your enemies float for longer because that can be a huge help.

Return To Sender: Probably the most important Vigor that you will use. If you tap your trigger once it will create an impenetrable shield for a few seconds that essentially makes you invincible. That’s reason enough to use it because that added protection is much sought after in this mode. You can also hold your trigger and make an absorbing shield that takes the damage dealt to you and makes it into a fireball of damage. This can be used to your advantage in more ways than one. The normal tap shield can be used to move around the battlefield and take out menacing enemies such as snipers that kill you in one hit. It is a bit hard to control because of the shield not lasting too long and can make you susceptible to large amounts of damage if you don’t activate it soon enough.

The other method you can use is to use the hold shield and run around everywhere and not take any damage at all. This is particularly useful with large enemies and even the insanely tough Handyman can’t harm you when you have the shield up. You can walk up to enemies and shoot them in the face at close range even if they are barraging you with missile fire. Be careful that you don’t run out of salts and always take note of the salt locations around the battlefield so you always stay stocked. If I didn’t have this Vigor then everything would have been much more difficult. Especially the insane end battle where they just throw enemies at you. You only get this Vigor about midway through the game, but that’s when you need it the most. Also try and buy the “Send for Less” upgrade as soon as possible because it reduces the salt usage and allows you to use it much more frequently.

Undertow: Undertow is a very situational Vigor that you can use, but is still extremely useful. You can only ever use it when your enemies are close to the edge of a large fall, but when they are it makes your life much easier. Many RPG wielding enemies will be close to a fall and with their large amounts of health, they are pretty difficult to kill with just normal gunfire, so a quick trip to their position and throwing them off the floating city is a much better strategy. There are also many parts where enemies will stand in a cluster next to a long fall so make sure you use it when you see fit.

The other Vigors can also be useful, but these are probably the Vigors that you will use the most. Another notable Vigor is Shock Jockey that temporarily stuns your enemies. It’s very useful against large enemies and gives you a small window of time to target their weak points. Especially useful against Motorized Patriots.

Specific Enemy Strategies

Motorized Patriots

These tin bastards with their chain guns can be quite the formidable foe. You will encounter them the most throughout your playthrough so a proper strategy is crucial. Shock Jockey is very effective against them and will stop them in their tracks. It will stun them for a few seconds, allowing you to shoot the gears on their back for massive damage. They are slow movers so if you are toe to toe with one, you can effectively run around in a circle casting Shock Jockey and shooting their gears as often as you can. Be careful of them when you are close-range because they will strike you with massive damage. If all else fails, use Return to Sender. Their gears aren’t their only weak spot though and they take increased damage if you shoot them in the head. Their heads will fall off after you do enough damage to them, but it’s still a valuable strategy to use.

Handymen

These massive monstrosities of both man and steel will be your most formidable foe in this mode. There are only a few of them so they’re not that fearsome, but they are still tremendously difficult. A Handyman will jump on you, use area of effect attacks and constantly chase you with malicious intent. It’s near impossible to be anywhere close to the bastard because he will bodyslam you back to Rapture. The most effective strategy that you can employ with your first encounter is, and I shit you not, run around like a little girl. Without Return to Sender you’re pretty much screwed when you fight him and the best you can do is run as far away from him as possible and shoot him in the heart. Shock Jockey only stuns him for less than a second, but that brief period of time can help you out tremendously. Be careful of Skylines when you fight him because he will jump on it and electrify the entire line, killing you almost instantly.

The best method you can use to defeat him is Return to Sender. Hold it down, find an RPG or Volley Gun and spam away. He won’t damage you at all even at close range so you can get as close to his heart as possible. Be mindful of your salt usage because if you run out, you will die. Again, make mental notes of all the salt drops in the area and replenish it when you start running out. If you have enough ammo for a Volley Gun, he will go down rather quickly and even quicker if you have upgraded the damage of the weapon. Do your damn best to not die whatsoever because if you do, his health replenishes fully and by then all the ammo in the area has been used up. If you do die, then I strongly recommend reloading a checkpoint and starting again. You will save yourself a lot of heartache. (Get it? Get it? I’m sorry.)

Siren

Probably the most annoying enemy of the entire game. She only appears as a story character, but her battles are still horrendously difficult. There are only 3 battles that you have to fight, but each of them is a different challenge on their own. What she does is summon dead soldiers to fight for her and each of them is equipped with a powerful weapon and normal health. What then happens is you getting surrounded by enemies and even if you kill them, the Siren just summons more. What you have to do is to be as brutal as you can. Before the battle, get the most powerful weapon you can find such as a Crank Gun, RPG or Volley Gun. Upgrade their damage to the highest you possibly can. When she spawns, activate Return to Sender and just shoot as quickly as you possibly can. The key is swiftness. If you don’t do high damage in the first few minutes of fighting then you will have an extremely hard time with the rest of the fight because of the overwhelming amount of enemies.

Like I said, there are 3 battles that you have to do and here are the strategies for them:

Graveyard: Because of the smallness of the battlefield, you will be overwhelmed by enemies quickly if you don’t act fast. There is a tear that spawns a Crank Gun for you to use and make sure you equip it before you initiate the cut scene. When you open the gate she will start summoning enemies instantly so what you do is active Return to Sender and hammer her with the Crank Gun. It’s also a good idea to have a secondary weapon with high damage if you don’t succeed in killing her there. Don’t focus on the soldiers because their bullets will be absorbed by your Return to Sender. Only focus on the Siren. If you did all this effectively she will die within the first few minutes of battle.

Bank: This one is tricky because of its openness and lack of resources. If you’re smart you can use the same method as above, but having the resources to do so is hard because of the lack of weapons and ammo available. There is a slow, but sure method of taking her out and that requires you to pick up the sniper rifle from the left top stairs, returning to the vault where you exited from and taking pot-shots at her. The soldiers will not advance on your position and will just stand there so you don’t have to worry about them. It is a rather slow process, but it does work. Elizabeth will provide some ammo if you run out, but be warned that she will eventually run out. If you can get a carbine rifle, then stick with it because it’s the next best thing from the sniper rifle. Have fun.

Comstock Gate: This will have the most enemies, but you can use the Return to Sender and high powered weapon trick quite effectively here. If all else fails there is a tear that gives you a sniper rifle that you can use to take pot-shots with, same as the previous method. It is a little bit trickier this time because of the lack of cover, but find a comfortable place that you can use. Also make note that some enemies will come and melee you if you choose to take pot-shots.

The most effective weapon I have found is a fully upgraded Volley Gun. It destroys her quickly and effectively. Just make sure you have enough ammo.

Conclusion

1999 mode is certainly a challenge. It will test your patience and your willpower, but it’s also a rather enjoyable experience. The added difficulty and rush of the fights will have your heart racing and your blood pumping. After defeating my first Handyman, I jumped out of my chair in absolute glee and screamed victory chants. When I defeated the Siren I woke the entire house up with the obscenities that I screamed. It was quite the journey and one I won’t easily forget. Now go ahead and party like it’s 1999.

Quite the title huh? The idea bucket has run a little dry these past few weeks and at this present moment I’m still shaking after just finishing 1999 mode in BioShock Infinite. That’s a story for another day, but hot damn that was challenging. What I would like to talk about this week, ladies and gentlemen, is a specific game and how I despise it. Dark Souls. Now, I’m fully expecting a pile up from many a fanboy of the game and fully expect essays in the comment section regarding my opinion. Which is fine, I’m used to it already, but give me a moment to explain myself.

Dark Souls was one of those games that I really looked forward to. I’m an RPG fanatic and I’ve played pretty much every RPG of this generation, even the shitty ones. When I heard there was going to be a game that will challenge my RPG prowess, I was ecstatic beyond words. I literally scraped enough money together to buy the game and a few days later it was in my possession. I knew I was in for a tough time as many people over the wonderful InternetLand have often reminded me, but I accepted the challenge.

I’m no stranger to challenge either. I have completed so many games on their highest difficulties that I have lost count and I’ve done some truly amazing feats in some games that only a small percentage of gamers have done. I was more than qualified for this game. As the great Reggie has once said: “My body is ready”. I got off to a moderately good start only dying a few times by means of traps and inexperience. Soon after I found myself at a graveyard filled with skeletons that just abolished me almost instantaneously. I knew the game was hard, but wasn’t this a bit too much? After struggling for a good 2 hours I finally learned that there is a hill to the side that I didn’t see before. I kicked myself for being such a dumb shit and continued on.

This is where things started going downhill. I was constantly dying and losing all my progress just by random attacks and stupid decisions and while annoying, I knew it was my own fault. I made fairly decent progress by going at an absolute snail’s pace and grinding levels like there was no tomorrow. Here’s where the main issue came in. I wasn’t enjoying myself. This felt like a chore to me. I felt like I was working. Sure, some of environments looked pretty and the enemies were well designed, but after so many hours of just work with minimal reward I wasn’t enjoying it whatsoever. There wasn’t much of a story at the time so I had no real incentive to continue on. After about 25 hours I finally called it. The infamous “fuck this shit”.

Now, almost everybody loves Dark Souls. I am literally the only person I know from social networks and forums that I belong to that doesn’t like this game. It has received universal praise from both critics and gamers alike. Dark Souls is fantastic. I’m not critiquing the game’s mechanics in any way like some gaming “journalists” do, but rather my own personal enjoyment. Mechanically the game was great. Everything worked well and the gameplay was fantastic, but I did not enjoy it. I personally did not enjoy it.

I see no fault with that. A game’s enjoyment depends on the gamer. If he does not enjoy it for reasons that are his own then that’s fine. There’s no need to shove opinions down his throat on why he is wrong and how he is a douchebag for daring to even say that the game is bad. There are two sides to this coin also. If you don’t like a game for your own personal reasons then don’t go to every comment thread you can find and start bashing the game for no particular reason whatsoever. There is critiquing and then there’s being an idiot. There’s no reason to call someone a “faggot” and a “cunt” just because you preferred Rapture to Columbia. That’s just your personal taste. If there are serious, noticeable problems with gameplay and story then go ahead and discuss those in a civilized manner.

We need to accept each other’s taste. Not everyone is going to like the games you like because you like them. And you’re not always going to enjoy the games that everyone loves. It’s just a fact of life really.

We live in a busy world. Everything is faster and more rapid. It’s an unending cycle of doing tasks as quickly as humanly possible because other people are also busy. It can be quite depressing if you think about it. Nobody has time anymore for anything and we just kind of fall into formation and routine. What if that transpires into gaming? There is a trend growing in modern gaming where games take you a mere 6-8 hours to finish even if you collect everything and be as thorough as you can possibly be. Games that cost an insane amount of money can be finished over a Saturday. But is it our own fault?

A shining light in this dark abyss is the amazing Bioshock Infinite. I’ve only just started playing it thanks to the post office being as reliable as Jeffrey Dahmer in a morgue and it has caused me to do something that I haven’t done in a while. Just look at things. Yes, that’s all there is to it. During the start of the game you basically just walk around the streets of Columbia with nothing to do other than go to your objective. Now, you can just sprint to your objective in a few minutes, but I did not do that. What I did was walk around for a good hour and just looked at things. I listened to conversations, marveled at the scenery and explored every nook and cranny I could find. I got nothing from it other than some loose change, but a huge smile was growing on my face.

I was in a state of complete serenity and bliss. I haven’t felt that in a while because most of the games I’ve played recently have had me rushing from objective to objective with considerable haste just because that’s how the game was designed. And that’s wrong. We need some juxtaposition in our games and not just big gun totting bros shooting each other in the face. Imagine if Black Ops 2 had sections where you just walked around areas and discovered new things. That part in the campaign with the modern, tech rich city was a perfect opportunity for this, but nope after about 5 minutes you’re shooting robots and other dudebros.

This pains me in more ways than one. The industry has abandoned exploration and moments of peace in favour of “HERE’S A MISSILE LAUNCHER SHOOT THAT ROCKETSHIP NOW!” moments. A game series that did it absolutely perfectly was Mass Effect. You would be in intergalactic space battles with epic setpieces and hordes of enemies and in the next moment you’re strolling around the Citadel and breaking out some dance moves. It’s the perfect balance between action packed and blissfully serene. We need some peace in our games and time to just stroll around and admire the world.

Games have become much more fast-paced and extremely short in recent years and that needs to stop. We need to have time to admire and marvel. Not everybody likes to do that because of their tight schedules and responsibilities, but make some more time for yourself. You will find yourself a much happier person.

As I have said countless times before, gaming means different things for different people. We are a diverse culture of many different backgrounds, preferences and methods. Some of us enjoy the thrill of action games while some of us enjoy the intrigue and mystery that is connected to more story-driven games. But there is one sort of gamer that stands out from the crowd. A gamer so invested into the hobby that it is the only thing he/she cares about. That gamer is the type of person that only talks about gaming even in company that has no clue in Satan’s blue ocean what a “Mass Effect” is. Ladies and gentleman, the obsessive gamer.

You might be one yourself and I’m here to outline the signs that might point to you being a gaming maniac. Because I am one.

Collects Everything

Ah, collectibles. All collectibles are at their core are pretty things that you can look at and say: “Oh, that’s pretty cool”. As useless as it sounds, collectibles activate something inside of us that makes us happy. The obsessive gamer is no different. If a game has a collector’s edition available then they will buy it. Even if the game is probably going to be rubbish, they want that cool swag (please shoot me for using that word) no matter what. If you enter an obsessive gamer’s domain you will be flooded with figurines, artbooks, steelbooks, memorabilia, guides and everything in between.

As a collector myself, I don’t really know exactly what compels me to buy the Legendary edition of Halo 3 for a sizeable amount of money just because it has a displayable helmet (I can’t even count how many people asked me if it is a “real” helmet). It is a pride thing. We are proud to be gamers and we are not afraid to show it to the world. Even if that means blowing an entire month’s food budget on the Songbird Edition of Bioshock Infinite.

Sits In Front Of Game Shops

If Apple releases a product, you can be damn sure that people are going to camp out in front of an Apple store just to get the latest piece of hardware that doesn’t have that many changes at all, really. Obsessive gamers are no different. They will sit in front of game shops for hours and in some extreme cases days just to get their hands on the newest installation of a specific game. I’m guilty of this and I have done it more than once. Thankfully, the cities I’ve stayed in do not have a lot of obsessive gamers so there were not any extremely long lines. Regardless, I have gone to shopping centres in the wee hours of the morning in the freezing cold and stood in front of a game shop freezing my nuts off just to get one game. The sales people thought I was insane and I don’t blame them.

Everything Is Gaming Themed

Schoolbags, t-shirts, keychains, posters, stickers, satchels (or “man bag” if you are stupid), phone wallpapers, PC wallpapers, hairdos (not even kidding), phone and tablet covers etc. etc. Everything is gaming themed. Either with a specific game or something to do with the culture. Like the collectible entry, it is a pride thing. You want to show the world that you are a gamer and you do not care what people think about it. Be it wearing an Assassin’s Creed hoodie or having so many gaming badges on your bag that you can barely make out its original cover. I once went through a stage where I made a mural on my wall with snippets of gaming characters from gaming magazines. It got so huge that my entire wall was covered at one point. I still do that, but more tastefully with only square posters all over my walls.

Cannot Remember Spending Money On Anything Else

Gaming is an expensive hobby on both ends of the spectrum. PC gamers have to spend thousands on their gaming rigs to fully experience their games and console gamers have to fork out extra cash for every game they buy because of … reasons. Many people leave gaming entirely because they can’t cope with the financial strain because when it comes down to it, you need food for, you know, survival. Single gamers have it easy because they don’t have to worry about spending money on ridiculously overpriced meals for their spouses. An obsessive gamer only spends money on games and necessities and nothing else. Who wants to take a cruise when you can save the galaxy and engage in coitus with space aliens? That brings me rather neatly to my last point.

Fantasizes About Virtual Characters

Love is an elusive emotion. Not all of us can get some of the action and many turn out to be loners. What do you do when you are lonely? Fantasize about stuff. I don’t have a good track record with the ladies even with my extremely large manhood witty charm, so I latched onto the people I love in a fictional world. It might sound extremely close to a hentai fascination, but I assure you, that’s rarely the case. These fictional characters make you love them within a game and you can’t help but imagine a life with them. It’s weird and creepy, but feeling are feelings right? Right?

Sometimes I wish they would just jump out of the glowing box and onto my lap. I first have to put the chips bowl on the floor, but regardless.

Conclusion

Being an obsessive gamer is challenging, but fun. If you love your hobby so much then you will be proud of it. I seriously cannot imagine my life without gaming and I’m grateful that I can be one of the obsessive types. Do you have an obsession?

When people hear gaming they instantly think a bunch of dudes shooting each other in the face for prolonged periods of time. As gamers, we know this to be a load of goldfish excrement, but we sort of got used to living with it. We know gaming is much more than frivolous violence and mindless slaughtering. But what if that’s all a gamer wants? What if that’s the sole reason some gamers play games?

I see myself as a sort of all-round “hardcore” gamer. In basic terms, I just play everything regardless of genre. I’m not particularly good at certain genres such as fighting, RTS and sport games, but I at least put some effort into playing them if the opportunity presents itself. I’m a meticulous gamer as well and I try to do absolutely everything in every game I play. That’s a huge commitment if you think about it. Hours and hours of what can almost be called work if you see it at a certain perspective. I also try to experience as many games as I possibly can with varied storylines and different methods of narrative.

Now, the opposite of that can be found in quite an unorthodox subject: my brother. All my brother does is play Black Ops 2 exclusively for hours at a time. He doesn’t experience games in the same way I do. He doesn’t get subjected to storylines, narrative or varying levels of difficulties, he just shoots guys in the face. And he enjoys it. So can I really blame him for not adhering to my methods of gaming? If he’s enjoying himself, then by all means go for it. He uses gaming as a form of relaxation and a pastime. He’s not particularly passionate about what he is doing and he certainly won’t try to violently convert others to his form of entertainment. He just plays games because he has nothing better to do really.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. These two differing gamers can co-exist in this world and nothing is the matter with that. You will get people that only play Counter Strike for hours for no particular reason besides boredom. You will get people that complete every single side-quest in Skyrim because they feel that they have to. You will get people that play on the hardest difficulty just to test their willpower. You will get people that only play a few hours of FIFA every day. It all comes down to what you deem “fun”. Do what you enjoy the most. Nobody should force you.

What do you enjoy?

As I’m sitting here, I have a raging fever and a questionable amount of bodily fluids dripping down my (well groomed) mustache  Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I’m sick as a dog. Not the type of sick you get from people that think fetus murder is hilarious and 9/11 was just a day off. I’m talking about a good old snot filled nose, gravel-like throat infection and so many tissues it would make a 12 year old boy that just discovered masturbation jealous. But I’m here to fulfill a duty to you wonderful people and I will discuss some gaming topics now. While sneezing all over this campus PC’s keyboard. They deserve it.

We all have fond memories of “the good old days”. For most of us, this is the PS2-era where the console took over our homes and our hearts. Do you also remember when you discovered a game with awesome graphics? Graphics so good that you could not believe your eyes? Most of us will laugh at the graphics that games had in the past now because of how old and shitty they actually looked (go play one of the games that you thought had amazing graphics and laugh at yourself for ever thinking it). But something has happened these past few years that baffles me. Graphics are not that big of a deal anymore.

A few years ago when consoles starting coming out with their early games and the MasterRace didn’t have cutting edge PC’s without blowing a college fund, graphics still mattered somewhat. I remember experiencing the first Saint’s Row on an HDTV and I nearly had an accident in my pants it was so good. Mostly because all my PC’s sucked graphics wise and I never experienced visuals so smooth and crisp in my life. There was also the time when the first Crysis came out and everyone was blown away by how good the game looked. In the subsequent years that followed we found games growing in graphical prowess and impact. It became common for every game that releases to have great graphics. It happened so much that we just kinda got used to it after a while.

Nowadays if a game has amazing visuals, nobody really cares. Review boxes won’t even mention if a game had good graphics. It’s not really a valid selling point anymore for game advertisers. It’s just expected. But God forbid if a game has shoddy visuals. I remember there were people bashing Spec-Ops The Line for having mediocre graphics and refused to play it (on second thought, they were the lucky ones… the horror). Spec-Ops didn’t have the best graphics in the world, but it certainly wasn’t bad. Hell, if someone saw the graphics a mere 5 years ago then they would have been blown the fuck away.

Graphics don’t make a game as we all know, but sometimes it is nice to have good looking visuals especially if a developer took extra care in making it memorable. I don’t know about you, but I’m thankful for that. I’ve noticed the majority of gamers aren’t really that bothered with good graphics anymore and it’s just something that is supposed to be there. I’ve heard of gamers saying that Sniper Ghost Warrior 2′s graphics aren’t good at all. A statement I strongly disagree with because the visuals are beautiful compared to other shooters.

We have become tame and conditioned. Games with great visuals release so often that we can’t help but get used it after a while. This can be seen as a positive thing as well because games are now expected to have good visuals no matter what. No half-assing it like Blackwater (that horrible piece of garbage) did or putting no effort into making your game look nice even if it isn’t that big of a requirement. Hell, even the pixel art in indie games have stepped it up a notch (heh) in an attempt to make a game look prettier. It’s a system that works for the most part.

Graphics still wow me from time to time, but I’m more conditioned towards it than I was in the past when I thought GTA San Andreas had the best looking visuals of all time.

OF ALL TIME.

The gaming community has grown quite substantially in the past few years and gaming companies have also become more corrupt and greedy in the process. We have seen it for a while now. First it was Online Passes, DRM and other stupid “anti-piracy” methods that only caused a game to be even more pirated in the first place. Then it was on-disc DLC and microtransactions. And lets not forget the infamous “promotional” campaigns held by big name games. The gaming industry is becoming a horrible monster of greed and corruption that it’s almost scary to think about it.

But where is the line? Where is the point where we as consumers say: “Okay, that’s enough now” I think it’s already starting. Just look at the massive backlash that happened with SimCity and its atrocious server problems and stupid reasoning for always-online DRM. People are starting to put their foot down and demand answers for these crimes and EA are scrambling to make everything right in this PR nightmare. The repercussions? Lost customers thanks to people being scared off by the insane amount of problems. Gaming communities actually boycotting the game (for real this time). Gamers that vouch never to support any game that has this system of always-on DRM (for real this time, again). I don’t study business or anything, but that doesn’t sound financially good at all.

This led me to wonder. Is the gaming industry going to crash any time soon? Are gamers simply going to throw their arms into the air and just go full anarchy? These questions are a little too overly dramatic, but it looks more and more like it’s going to come true. You know what I think? We just need one push. One big push to make it all come crumbling down. If companies continue this bullshit facade of greed and utmost apathy for their consumers then it’s all going to come down. The most deciding factor, I think, is going to come with the next-gen.

The next generation consoles are all still a big mystery to us. We don’t really know what’s going  to be implemented when the things actually release. What worries me is that it’s a fresh new platform for companies to exploit. If the next Xbox is going to come standard with lock codes and all sorts of anti-secondhand controlling mechanisms then I think people are just going to give up on gaming. Many people still rely on second hand sales to get by and if you completely abolish that then it will create a ripple effect to an ultimate collapse. Same goes for the PS4 even if they said they will not support such a thing, they might come up with some new system that will probably be masqueraded as a “feature”. We can not know.

The future scares me and as things stand now, gaming might be on the edge of complete and total revolt. We might even experience a complete crash like what happened back in the 80′s. Maybe everything will be fine and companies come to their senses and produce some ethical business practices that not only benefit them.

We just have to wait and see.

In the process of Apple’s plan to take over the universe, they released a device called the iPad. This book shaped wonder has also taken the world by storm. About a year ago an iPad was a rarity for me. I only saw a few in the hands random people. Nowadays, everyone and their cat has an iPad. I sincerely don’t know how it happened, but it happened. I also decided to join the “Apple Army” and got myself a shiny new iPad HD last year, and I have to say, it’s one of the best purchases I’ve made in my life.

I started out like any other and bought a lot of freemium games and free games with three billboards worth of advertisements, only to find myself craving more. I then decided to make a US Apple ID and buy some vouchers so that I can get some proper games. I always did research before buying something because I didn’t want to waste my money on stupid apps. There are a few great games I have found and I want to share them with you wonderful people.

The Room

I was a bit sceptical about this game at first and I thought it was some sort of Amnesia rip-off at first glance. I couldn’t be more far from the truth. The Room is a game where you open boxes. Yes, that’s all you do. Such a simplistic concept, but oh so many possibilities. These boxes are insanely intricate and well designed that you can’t help but marvel at them. The game is a puzzler so you have to find keys, make patterns, do weird things involving flames and all sorts of other creative things. It’s definitely fresh and it will no doubt have you hooked for the few hours that you play it. There’s also a rich backstory that’s never quite explained, but leaves a lot for the player to figure out. And don’t forget, there are some creepy as hell sound effects.

Little Inferno

I first saw this game at Rudolf’s house when he was playing it on his PC and I just loved the quirkiness that the game had. When it was finally available for iPad I couldn’t download it sooner. The game involves you, a fireplace, random shit and fire. All you do is put things in the fireplace and set it ablaze. Sounds simple? Well, it is. There isn’t much challenge to the game because all you is set random stuff on fire and collect coins from the ashes. When I say random I really mean random. You get all kinds of extremely strange things that you can set on fire and some of the things are insanely macabre. Let me give you some examples and you will know what I mean: a schoolbus with children in it that when ablaze has children scream in agony, a kitty doll that shits itself when fire touches it, a doll that spontaneously combusts, a gentleman with a teacup, a little boy that has his own gravitational pull, a retarded bear and the moon. Do you understand now?

Not only do you set things on fire, the game has a well fleshed out back story with its own depressive world and characters. As you progress you get letters from various people and each letter makes you understand more and more what’s happening. It’s really an excellent game even if you just want to mess around and set things on fire.

Magic Piano

I’ve always been a fan of rhythm games and I also love piano music. This game combines them into one simple to learn, hard to master rhythm game that’s just tons of fun if you’re a fan of piano music. It works like any other rhythm game does with buttons coming down the screen to a hit box and it’s your job to hit them in time. On the easy difficulty it’s only single buttons that you have to hit so you can essentially play the game with one finger if you want to. On medium and hard difficulties, things start to get interesting. You then have to hit chords that range from two buttons to four buttons. That all sounds easy, but once you play Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata Presto Agitato on hard difficulty you will shit yourself.

There are hundreds of songs available for download from pop to good old classical. The game is free which is good thing, but it has a heavy focus on microtransactions which is the only bad thing. There are always free songs available and you can build quite the sizable library if you take advantage of them. I have 48 songs in my library and I haven’t spent a cent.

Bard’s Tale

Bard’s Tale is a game that has been overlooked by so many gamers, it’s actually ridiculous. This classic game that released in the good old days of the PS2 was one the most fun and enjoyable RPG’s I’ve played in my life. There is so much humour in the game that it almost bubbles over with constant references, turn of phrase, forth wall breaking jokes and even banter with the narrator. It’s an isometric RPG at heart and a pretty good one at that. I picked it up one day when it was free and a massive wave of nostalgia washed over me when I played. It’s rather lengthy so you can expect hours worth of entertainment on your mobile device.

Osmos

Osmos is a game you play to relax. The only objective you have is to consume other orbs and make yourself the biggest. That simple premise is made great with the inclusion of great visuals and easy gameplay that only consists of you tapping the screen once. It’s extremely relaxing thanks to its stellar atmospheric soundtrack that’s probably one of the best I’ve ever heard. You can just play the game for hours at a time without realising it at all. Truly a game that every iPad owner should have on their device.

Conclusion

There are literally hundreds of thousands of apps on the App Store–and I have probably missed a few. These are only the games that I thought were really worthwhile and I have quite a sizable amount of games on my iPad. I of course have the traditional games such as Angry Birds and Plants vs. Zombies, but everyone and their cat knows about them already. More great games that are available include GTA: Vice City, Final Fantasy IV and Max Payne. All run beautifully on the iPad and are always a joy to play. So, to the other iPad out there, what do you have on yours? That also includes Samsung Tab owners as well. What Android games do you love?

The gaming industry has certainly turned into a full blown business this past decade. Gaming companies and publishers can earn into the millions in revenue if they play their cards right. There is one major flaw in this system and that is piracy. Piracy is a massive topic that has been well documented, protested and even ruthlessly attacked by various laws (SOPA, PIPA etc.) That is an entire debate all on its own and I would only waste my time if I talked about it. What I want to talk about is what developers and publishers are doing to counteract piracy. Specifically pre-order bonuses.

If you’re a “honest” gamer such as myself, you buy every game that you can with cold hard cash. Sometimes it’s difficult to do something like that due to certain circumstances such as not having enough funding or more pressing purchases. There have been periods in my gaming life where I could not buy a single game because of budget restrictions for months at a time. In severe cases I had to sell my games in order to have enough money for food and necessities. But that sob story is going to help nobody. The point is that it’s sometimes tough to be an honest consumer and it would be nice to have something extra for your troubles.

Publishers have decided to add exclusive content to people that pre-order their game as a sort of “thank you” for your money upfront, but these incentives have me a little worried. I’ll give an example. A few months back I ordered Dead Space 3′s “Limited Edition” and expected a nice displayable game case and some extra things such as a little art book or a poster or whatever, but instead I got a normal game case with the words “Limited Edition” printed above the logo. Inside was one of those pitiful excuses for a manual (seriously, what happened to good old fashioned manuals?) and a single page with a code for some extra weapons. Whoopy. So worth it.

Other games pull this crap as well. Kingdoms of Amalur gave you some free weapons to use in the start, but they fall into insignificance in about half an hour flat. Barely worth an Online Pass. On that subject, I’m not even going to touch on Online Passes. Just know that I think they are horrible creations that should burn in Hell. The fact is that the incentives that they give you are so redundant that you could have been absolutely fine if you didn’t have them at all. Some might argue that the starting weapons are just a tester to see which kind of weapon you like the most, but I still say that it’s pointless.

A game that pulled it off well was Far Cry 3. You got a whole bunch of expansive optional missions that you could do with their own stories and settings. That’s how you do it correctly. Give us something that’s rewarding and worth it. Not an “exclusive” gun that has the same power as a N.E.R.F pistol and could be replaced in a few minutes. Make it worth our time, even if it’s just a twenty minute side-mission with some new dialogue.

So, what do you think of pre-order incentives? Do you like a few extra guns even if they are underpowered or would you like more worthwhile content for your money?

I’m a musical person. Ever since I was a little spawn of Satan innocent child I’ve had this natural rhythm embedded inside of me. I was a natural dancer before I turned into a chubby reincarnation of the Undertaker as well. This affected my gaming life to a certain extent when I discovered Guitar Hero and I discovered my natural talent for shredding a plastic guitar and banging on some tupperware  circles (drums, if you didn’t catch the reference). At this present day, I’m an avid listener of music and even went so far as to study the cultures behind my favourite genres. So, in short, I love music. I’m a fan of most of the more musical genres including orchestra, jazz, blues, rock and heavy metal.

I say all that because as someone that has a keen ear for music, gaming soundtracks are very important. I hear things that other people might not because of my extensive history with music. Game soundtracks have evolved simultaneously with other mechanics of games such as graphical capabilities and gameplay mechanics. They have evolved into something that can conjure up emotions inside of a person and make them feel things they would never have felt in their lives.

I’m sure most of us have already played Telltale’s The Walking Dead already and most of the people that have played the game to completion will agree that it can stir up so many emotions inside of you that it’s ridiculous. Even I cried at the game’s conclusion, something that is extremely hard to pull off. It wasn’t just the events that made it so emotional, but the audio backdrop that it had. It’s very soft, but if you have a keen ear, you will hear every string and piano note that plays. This intensified the emotional experience tenfold, at least for me.

Numerous other games pull this off as well. More recently there was a game where I certainly did not expect a melodic orchestral score being done, but managed to pull it off rather nicely. That game was Crysis 3 of all things. I had the luxury of experiencing it with my new headphones that I got for myself and it was a rather excellent soundtrack that took me completely by surprise. I would just sit in the game’s pause menu and just listen to the music for a fair amount of time before going back into the action.

Mass Effect 3 is a stellar example of a more emotional backdrop with its incredibly composed orchestral pieces. Just listen to this song and you will know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m listening to it as I’m typing and it’s sending chills down my spine and causing goosebumps to pop up all over. That’s the power of a well composed soundtrack. If it’s able to invoke feelings of any kind then it has done its job brilliantly. If a song is able to draw out tears using nothing but a few vibrations on strings then it’s magic.

Enough with the emotional stuff, let’s go in the juxtaposing direction. High octane, adrenaline pumping intensity that’s only fueled by a high energy music that makes you want to punch people in the face and love every second of it. A more recent example can be found in Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance. It’s music is so high tempo and invigorating that you get this joyous smile on your face as you’re cutting up other people’s faces. Other high action games use this formula a lot to intensify the action and destruction. The Devil May Cry games have been continually excellent in creating a very high energy backdrop for their combat sequences. The heavy riffs and intense vocals make you unknowingly bang your head back and forth as you slice up some demons. DmC exploited this formula brilliantly with its high tempo “technometal” fusions. The pumping bass and heavy riffs do an excellent job at increasing your adrenaline levels and making killing demons a joyous event rather than a traditional murdering.

There are tons of other memorable soundtracks that create a beautiful backdrop to the fictional world. Too many to list actually. Some of you reading this are already compiling (heh) your favourite soundtracks from games in your mind and I appeal you to share those favourites with me.

Cutting stuff is fun. Cutting stuff into many tiny pieces is even more fun. But can you really base a game around that idea alone? Metal Gear Rising certainly tries to accomplish that task and here’s the short version of that attempt: they pulled it off. Beautifully at that. Platinum Games have broken their trust with me a little after I played the excruciatingly mediocre Anarchy Reigns, but with this game they certainly redeemed themselves. Revengeance puts you in the shoes of Jack Raiden, a cyborg ninja equipped with a high-frequency blade that can literally cut through anything. The potential of that alone can make you excited.

Metal Gear games have always been known for their stealth and some argue that it’s the only way you should play the games, but Revengeance throws all that out the window and gives you an action heavy, pulse pounding, explosion ridden, sword cutting experience. There is still stealth, but more often than not you will rush into the action for the sole reason of experiencing the frantic combat. It’s almost hard to explain the euphoric feeling you get when you play this game and that’s just one of the reasons why it’s so good.

Let’s talk about combat, because that’s where Revengeance really stands out. It’s traditional hack and slash with all the usual mechanics at play. You have light attacks and heavy attacks and you can use that to dispatch enemies. What sets this game apart is the ability to cut things using the “free slicing” mode. After you weaken an enemy you can activate the free slicing mode and start chopping using the right analogue stick. It’s a full 360 degree geometrical plane so you can literally cut into any direction you choose. It’s extremely precise as well so you can decapitate, cut off limbs, turn chests into ham slices and so on. In order to fully use this power you need to fill up a gauge by using normal attacks in combat. Once that gauge is full, you can activate what’s called Blade Mode, a mode that throws everything into slow motion and allows for precise cutting and the ability to dismember.

Blade Mode isn’t just for randomly cutting into every direction. It has some strategic elements such as cutting off an officer’s left arm for bonus points or cutting off a big enemy’s weapon part to prevent it from attacking you. There’s also something called Zandatsu where you have to cut open an enemy’s abdomen and literally rip their spine out of their ass and crush it in your hand. Words cannot express how awesome it feels. When you rip said spine out of said ass, your health and Blade Mode gauges regenerate fully. It’s a tactic that has to be used because you will sustain significant damage during combat and health items aren’t easy to come by.

The combat is frantic and ridiculously fast paced which makes the game intensely fun thanks to the adrenaline being pumped into your veins. It can be a little difficult because of the incredible speed as enemy attacks are so quick and precise that you will hardly see them coming. Sometimes the game’s strange camera might block you from seeing attacks, too. The camera is way too close to Raiden and prevents you from having a nice view of all the action going on. This then causes enemies to attack you from off screen and break the flow of combat completely. All this wouldn’t be an issue if Raiden only knew how to dodge. The only defensive move you have in your disposal is a single parry move where you have to press up on your analogue and press the light attack button when you see an enemy attack coming. The parry move is difficult to pull off, and only about three missions in did I learn how to use it correctly. This makes for a frustrating experience as you have no real way of avoiding enemy attacks. Raiden then gets juggled constantly and hammered into the ground by strong enemy attacks.

Barring the missing defensive moves, the combat is excellent once you get the hang of it. As you progress through the game and defeat certain bosses, you get extra sub-weapons that mixes the combat around a bit with new moves and strategies. These weapons aren’t lackluster and useless, but rather fully fledged combat weapons that can obliterate your enemies. You can also learn new moves for all your weapons, adding more variation to the combat. Boss battles in particular are just a joy to partake in. They are massive battles filled with intense action, explosions, super moves and what have you. The best part is at end where you can literally cut a boss into tiny pieces. I can’t tell you enough how awesome the cutting physics are in this game. Your slices are extremely precise and you can literally turn an enemy into a pile of meat. Or rather, machine parts.

If you have played any of Platinum Games’ previous titles you will instantly feel a sort of familiarity with the story. You can instantly see Platinum Games’ trademark methods such as the stereotyping of almost all the major characters. This annoyed me a bit because they are so painfully obvious that it becomes repetitive. A Russian military man with a huge mustache that uses a heavy Russian accent and says “da” a lot. A German doctor with the “ironic” name of Doktor, who speaks in a heavy German accent and says ’Scheiße’ a lot. A little Jamaican boy with an accent so heavy that they had to put a little subtitle translation under everything he says. They are so obnoxious. Although it’s probably meant for comedic effect, but it just irritated me.

The story itself follows Raiden through a intricate plot filled with political conspiracy and crimes against humanity. Just to give you an idea of how intense the subject matters are, there is a part where you have to rescue the brains of disadvantaged children that have been abducted by a major corporation and are being ruthlessly trained through VR training simulations. There are also various political discrepancies taking place and Raiden tries his best to bring justice to the people responsible. The story plays out well with lengthy cut-scenes that are beautifully rendered with characters giving monologues of their motivations. Some scenes are even a bit emotional.

There’s a lot of misplaced humour thrown into the mix with off-the-cuff dialogue and strange, comedic actions being performed in cut-scenes. Most of these strange events will crack you up and give you a chuckle if only just for the strangeness of it all. It can break immersion a little especially if the dialogue consists purely out of coffee preference, but it’s not such a big deal. During missions you can call up your allies and have rather lengthy conversations with them. These conversations can be about personal things or even politics. It’s entirely optional, but it’s a nice little extra to balance out the absolute craziness of the combat. The game also stays relatively true to the Metal Gear universe and makes references to previous games as well as set pieces that are evident in the series’ world.

You will also notice various similarities to other Metal Gear games such as the Alert statuses and the ability to use cardboard boxes for stealth sections. You can also pick up rocket launchers, grenades, homing missiles and other stuff to use in combat. These items are scattered throughout the game world inside item boxes or special areas. The levels themselves are linear in presentation, but allow for a degree of exploration. There are lots of secrets and special items to obtain within levels and it pays to explore a little. There’s even a few pictures of “questionably” clothed woman hidden in the world to satisfy the more perverted players. Exploration and traversing is made easy with the feature of Ninja Run. Ninja Run is an automatic sprinting action that allows Raiden to quickly traverse through terrain with only one push of a button. He can climb, jump through holes in walls and avoid obstacles automatically, making running from point to point a painless experience.

Metal Gear games are well known for their stealth and Revengeance tries its best to stay true to this formula with sections where you can sneak past enemies. Unfortunately, Raiden is too nimble and agile to be any good at stealth. There aren’t any sneaking options other than cardboard boxes or barrels that can be picked up. Most of the time, enemies will spot you almost instantly and alert everyone in the vicinity. This will then trigger a combat scenario and you will just end up killing everyone anyway. I tried my best to sneak through quite a few sections, but it’s just too difficult because of Raiden’s big body and high speed. After a while I just gave up and went in swords slashing at every opportunity I got. Thankfully the combat is fun and you won’t really mind being caught because that means you can cut up a few robots.

The soundtrack deserves a lot of praise for its presentation. The music consists of a mixture of rock, rave, dubstep, heavy metal and Japanese Rock. That all might sound cringeworthy, but it does an excellent job to get your blood pumping and putting you in the mood for some intense action. The progression of the music is also noteworthy, especially in boss battles. It starts off as an instrumental backdrop with guitar riffs or techno-beats, where once you reach a certain point in the fight, the volume gets higher and vocals are introduced. It worked so well that in the first boss battle I found myself unknowingly smiling with absolute glee because the music pumped up once I started vigorously cutting the boss into ribbons. Pure audio gold. And I don’t even like Japanese Rock.

The dialogue is good all round, but as I have mentioned before, the stereotypical accents can be frustrating. Also, the dialogue might sound a little awkward and stinted as if the characters don’t really know who they are talking to.

The visuals are excellent with highly detailed models and great environments. The character models are especially impressive because of their high level of detail such as product codes, screws and join marks in cyborg limbs. It all runs at a very solid 60 frames per second during combat, but there are a few frame drops when the action gets really intense and hundreds of parts are lying all over the field. The frame drops are far apart, so it’s nothing major to worry about.

To sum up Revengeance in just a few words is easy: it’s insanely fun. The intense euphoria you feel when you play this game is second to none. You are guaranteed to have an absolute blast and just enjoy yourself. Cutting things has never been this fun and that’s for damn sure. The game is rather short with only about 6-7 hours worth of gameplay and only seven missions of which two missions can be finished in just under 10 minutes. There is a lot of replay value, however, and you will be compelled to play it again on a higher difficulty almost instantly after finishing it the first time. Revengeance is a unique experience that everyone should try. You can almost say that it’s “cutting edge”.

I’m so sorry.

I was never one for console wars. In my mind they are stupid, useless and pathetic. I never saw the point of telling someone that bought a different console how much better your console is in a hostile manner and expecting them to convert to your cause. In recent years it seemed that console wars faded out because gamers started to realise how futile they were and proceeded to life in co-existence. But something is going to throw a wrench into that machine. Next-gen is coming. Brace yourselves etc.

However, that’s going to be a discussion for when the consoles actually release and I suspect that it’s going to be good times. As you might have noticed from the title, I’m an Xbox gamer. It’s the only console I can afford and the only system that I game on. So why should I take interest in the PS4 announcement? Before I answer that question I have to create an outline first. I stayed awake until 1 am on a weekday to experience the live stream of the announcement. I had to be awake at 6:30 am to get ready for university, but I felt that I could not miss this opportunity. I stayed up and watched the entire thing until the end and only went to sleep at 4 am. If you know math then that’s 2 and a half hours of sleep. Needless to say I was knackered the entire day that followed.

Why did I put myself through such an ordeal when I had absolutely nothing to gain from the announcement? Simple answer, really: I wanted to see the future of gaming. I’m a lover of games and to get a chance to see what we are going to experience in the very near future excited me. So I stayed awake and tanked through my fatigue just to witness the start of a new era in gaming. Even if it’s not on my preferred console of choice. Now I’m here to share my impressions. Impressions of someone that will probably never buy the system.

The first thing I want to talk about is the potential of the share button. I’m an avid YouTube watcher and I have noticed that the Let’s Play community has exploded in popularity. There are guys such as Pewdiepie who have millions of subscribers and all they really do is play games, record themselves as they play games and upload that to YouTube. Simple premise, but the entertainment value is astounding. Now, if the PS4′s share button is done right then it can become a benchmark in the Let’s Play community. If it grants users the ability to record gameplay, voice and even video of their face using some sort of camera in an easier and more compact manner then it can become something quite wonderful.

The graphical capabilities astounded me especially when I saw Killzone 4 in action. The skyboxes and visual effects were amazing and even if it’s “just another FPS game”, it certainly blew my socks off. Also, Watch_Dogs looks like it has the potential to make me tight in the pants. If this is the future of console gaming’s graphics then I’m as giddy as a schoolgirl drinking her first cocktail. It’s really something to look forward to. I did like the fact that you can suspend your game and just continue where you left off when you put the console back on. This is especially useful for gamers on the go that just want to squeeze in a few minutes of gaming before they continue with their busy day.

The touch pad on the controller also has a lot of potential. Imagine an user interface where you can swipe and tap things like on a tablet. There’s also the possibility of switching weapons or gear in game with a simple swipe motion. There are literally hundreds of ways for this to be used and I for one hope that they don’t bugger it up and make into some sort of gimmick.

There was a quite a few disappointments as well such as the fact that the actual console wasn’t shown, but I do get the logic behind that one since it’s only going to be really showcased come E3. Still, I was really looking forward to it being shown. Another thing that pissed me off was the obsession with social interaction. Just how many friends do these people think we have? At this moment I only really have two persistent online friends on Xbox LIVE and I know a lot more gamers that only have a select few “good” friends online. Not everything has to be social all the time and I certainly don’t want some random dude looking at me while I’m playing singleplayer games. It just does not make sense to me.

I understand that Sony want to appeal to the more “casual” market, but the fact is that most gamers don’t do social interaction that much. And the inclusion of someone intruding on your gaming experience just sounds cumbersome and pointless. It has some entertainment value, but most people will only do it once just to see how it is and never use it again. Basically, it’s Playstation Home for the new generation. Yeah I said it.

I did think that the conference was a success and they got a lot of information across and revealed some cool games in the process. I did wish that there were a little more new IP’s shown, but you can’t really expect Sony to show of all their new stuff now and leave nothing for E3. I mentioned that I was primarily an Xbox gamer because I believe that all of us should be excited for the next generation regardless of our platform of choice. These are exciting times to be a gamer and we all should embrace it.

Storytelling in games is evolving to new grounds. I believe in the days of bong Pong, people would have never expected gaming to be so ambitious when it came to narrative, plot and general literary grandeur. It’s become such a formidable force that games have been nominated for awards because of their stories alone. If that’s not evolution, then I’m Charles Darwin’s goofy cousin. The core principle that sets gaming apart from other storytelling mediums is the simple fact that you are in control of the main character (and sometimes characters) as the story progresses and introduces concepts and plot devices.

Okay, enough with the technical mambo-jumbo, let’s discuss the title of this feature. It’s as plain and easy as a small town girl with daddy issues. There are games out there that make you feel like an absolute bastard. Whether it’s making difficult choices or following a scripted path, there are games where after you did the action, you hold your head and say to yourself: “Damn, that sucked.” This generally happens because these actions conflict with your personal morals and unless you’re a sociopath, you will feel some sort of negative emotion. It’s certainly not easy to make any type of choice, especially if that choice is whether someone lives or dies. Simply put, it can make you feel like a bastard.

1. Mass Effect

Throughout our adventures with the intergalactic man-whore, Shepard, there are many choices that simply get thrown onto his shoulders and unfortunately none of them are easy. Well, except the decision to go into combat in shocking pink gear. It’s a questionable decision, but it’s an easy one. Barring shocking pink helmets, there’s a lot of difficult decisions that our beloved commander must make. Whether it’s the fate of a squad member or the fate of an entire race. These are not easy decisions to make whatsoever and when you, the player, make them you start feeling regret, remorse and in some cases even depression. It doesn’t help that a variety of different NPC’s will continuously question those choices and make you feel like an absolute ponce for making them, even if they were the best one.

Mass Effect is truly a forerunner in the field of epic storylines with so many characters, locations, cultures and ideals that it would make your head spin faster than that time EDI and Joker got drunk together and thought the Normandy was a bowling ball. Its ability to make you feel like a dick for making certain choices is extremely admirable, where it’s an experience to behold how haunting these can become. Dammit Mordin.

2. The Walking Dead

Telltale’s magnum opus certainly took us all by surprise. A while ago I had 400 MSP lying around with nothing to spend it on, where I then saw the first episode of this game going for that price. I thought “screw it” and bought the thing. I played it and thought: “Hmm this could be interesting.” I guess you might say I’m a hipster when it comes to this certain game because I played it far before it was cool. With the following episodes, we all got the shock of our gaming lives. The game’s strong and emotional storytelling has driven grown ass men to tears. So how can this brilliantly designed game make you feel like a bastard?

Quite simply, actually: it gives you impossible choices. Not impossible in the way where it’s physically impossible to make a choice, but rather choices where regardless of what you chose, there is no positive outcome. A good amount of these choices come back to haunt you later in the game when characters question you and some outright resent you. You are then left to willow in remorse and regret. There’s always that question in the back of your mind: “Did I really make the right choice?” And that’s why it’s so powerful in its ability to make you feel like a douchebag.

3. Catherine

Catherine is a game that I wished more people experienced. Its relentless puzzles and strange style can put a lot of people off, but if you’re one of the lucky few that actually played it then you will agree with me. The game has this habit of making you feel like a pitiful excuse of a human being. The main character, Vincent, is constantly tormented by decisions and certain actions that blurs the line between black and white. You have two primary pathways that you can follow in the game and neither one is more right than the other one. Do you live a life of guilty freedom or shackled security? It’s a tough predicament and regardless of which one you choose, you will always have this nagging regret feeling in your head.

The “chaos” path of the game does a better job of making you feel like a douche because you have to ignore your morals and be a selfish asshole. It’s interesting how you feel these emotions of betrayal and remorse even if it isn’t so bad to begin with. Do yourself a favour and procure this game somehow. You will not regret it.

4. Dragon Age: Origins

The first Dragon Age puts you in the shoes of a random, mute elf/human/dwarf, where that one lowly warrior has to decide the fate of many and set a course of events that might not always be pleasant. The game explores many areas of fantasy lore such as elven cultures, werewolves and dwarven hierarchy. This sets the ground for a game so full of context that the choices you make carry a bigger impact than other fantasy forms. There’s major events where you have to decide the fate of thousands of people, and these choices are far from easy. There’s also slightly less important choices you make that don’t carry much weight in the grand scheme of things, but can affect many individuals nonetheless.

The feeling of bastardness is severely evident in this game because there are hundreds of people that can shun and despise you for your choices. An excellent example can be the one act where you have to decide which house gets to be the new royalty of the dwarves. Now, you have to understand that the dwarven houses are worse than the Republicans and Democrats of America. They have constant battles and disagreements and then the choice of who gets the reigns are given to you. One way or another, you’re going to piss people off. Isn’t it amazing?

5. Spec Ops: The Line

This is the king of making you feel like a relentless bastard. I’ve only recently played the game and the events are still fresh in my mind. The way the story played out was so powerful in it’s ability to make you feel so horrible that I suffered a small bout of depression after I finished it. The events in the game are of such a nature that it makes you question yourself, your moral guidance and even the trust between character and player. This is a one of a kind experience and if you brushed this game off as yet another generic shooter, then I feel sorry for you.

There were instances in the game where I sat back, put my hands on my head and said to myself: “What have I done?” That’s powerful. And this is coming from the guy that slaughtered an entire bar full of people in Fallout 3 and put their body parts on a pool table for laughs. The remorse and regret that you feel in this game is so intense that you are constantly left speechless. Especially after the game’s chilling conclusion. A work of art.

Conclusion

You might have noticed a pattern throughout the games that are mentioned. The word that is most used is “choice”. Choice can either be harmless or completely insane with repercussions, consequences and dire effects. It’s amazing how we as gamers have the ability to make these choices even if they are completely out of our comfort zone. Some of them make us feel like bastards and some of them make us feel like heroes, but in the end, someone always loses.

The Playstation is probably the worst thing that has ever touched this earth and I’m here to give my opinion on why I think so. The Playstation is a horrible piece of garbage because it’s hardware is insanely bad and the games that it has are all just completely horrible beyond words. It burns my eyes to even look at that travesty of a machine and I would much prefer that the Xbox 360 replace all the consoles out there.

Got you didn’t I?

Of course I’m talking a load of garbage and it actually pained me in more ways than one to write such a paragraph. Just out of personal interest, how do you trolls out there feel when you write something like this because I despised myself after about the second sentence. I’ve probably just upset quite a large amount of people considering that the PS4 would probably be announced at the time of reading. If you are already in the comments calling me names then you sort of proven the point I’m about to make. The point of this article is that gamers have this obsession with controversy.

I’ve noticed this recently when I was surfing through the web and saw an article with quite the controversial title. Of course, I went into this article to see what all the fuss was about and I soon discovered that this article misunderstood the topic completely and made a mistake with it’s title, but was it really a mistake? What followed were thousands of views and intensely hateful comments being thrown around like confetti at a clown orgy. All those views equal all those ad revenues.

Then the truth hit me in the bollocks with the force of a Japanese speed train. This is the gaming industry. This is what we subscribe to as gamers. Gaming news and media has evolved into how much people you can piss off and draw to your site. When you look at view counts you can see this very clearly. Articles with a large number of views generally have something controversial and/or negative about a certain game or name in the gaming industry. When you look at articles with a more positive outlook on gaming, you see that their responses are absolutely dismal.

In some cases this isn’t the writer’s fault at all and I’ve had first hand experience in this. I published a satire piece with a slightly misleading title and that completely exploded in my face. People were calling me hateful slurs and swearing at me with a undying passion. This of course led to an explosion in views and before I knew it, I was on the first page of N4G. The worst place you want to be when you made a slight mistake with your title. I also published articles where people personally emailed me saying that it was the most powerful and emotional gaming article they have ever read in their lives. Most of those articles got less than 5% of the views that the satire got.

Gamers want controversy and negative messages because they have grown accustomed to it to the point where they actually crave it. Gaming writers also exploit this because it works and it gains them tons of views and recognition. I, for one, think this is unhealthy because the consequences of this are dire and worrying. If we continue this then gaming will devolve into something completely devoid of happiness and become a place where angry people say angry things all the time without stopping. This will cause the gaming industry to crumble and lose fans that just can’t take it anymore. I personally wanted to give up on gaming media because of this and it made me physically mad every time I went online and looked at articles.

Negative exposure is all well and good, but there is a line. The line is where it becomes so jaded and warped that it doesn’t make logical sense anymore. It’s like the real world news media where all they show is negative things happening in the world to the point where it becomes insanely depressing to watch.

I”ll be honest and say that I don’t have a solution to this. Controversy will always be around and the first paragraph this article has probably accomplished the task of pissing off a lot of people to the point where they started working on their hateful comment almost instantly. What really pisses me off is that these things are mostly unnecessary and can be avoided. It’s not necessary to say things with the only goal being to piss people off and gain attention.

I don’t know, maybe I’m just a huge pacifist that would like to avoid conflict as much as possible. I just want to live in a happy community where people share my love for the thing that makes me happy and not turn it into some twisted fiasco of hatred and despair.

I’ve recently descended into the cesspit of despair and hatred otherwise known as university. My chosen field of learning? BA Language and Communication. Within that course two forceful modules that I have to take and that is Afrikaans and English literature. Now, I’m not a big fan of novels and poems, but I consider myself a fine learned student of language. In one of my lectures I heard a shocking revelation: Games can’t really be seen as literature. You will be excused to think “holy fuck that’s blasphemy!”, but bear with me. These people don’t have the type of exposure we have had to games. I will explain momentarily.

A moment has passed? Oh good. You see, games are generally perceived as a frivolous waste of time. Something mindless that you can do for the sole purpose of keeping yourself entertained long enough so that you don’t kill yourself. I asked this lecturer what games she has heard of and this is the answer I got: “Oh you know, Sims and that Call of Duty thing,” I was almost at the verge of frothing at the mouth, but I do understand that not a lot of people know about the various intricacies and small details that make gaming great because they either had too little exposure or didn’t care to look past the shallowness and into the depths.

What I followed to say blew my lecturer’s mind. I said that games have the potential to have stories that are longer than 20 hours and contain intricate mythos and events that would shock even the strongest man. I said that some games even have the potential to bring a grown man to tears and make you genuinely heart broken and sad at some of the events that occur. You get so attached to characters when something catastrophic happens to them that you feel the impact just as much as them. The lecturer was shocked at what I just told her.

This whole fiasco reminded me of how great gaming’s narratives can be perceived. It’s genuinely an art form with regards to storytelling. If you want an example then look at a game such as The Walking Dead. The game had an intricately woven storyline with various characters from extremely different backgrounds and follows a story so well told and so meaningful that it brought tears to the eyes of many that witnessed its shocking conclusion. Don’t tell me that a novel and some poems are the only things that can pull that off.

Gaming has grown from just a few pixels on a screen that shoot lines at each other to a medium that demands respect for its storytelling capabilities. There are hundreds of games that have managed to pull off such an amazing story that some would be forever etched into our minds. Stories in games don’t slouch on the content as well. Just look at Dragon Age: Origins. The various entries you receive into your codex can possibly stem quite a few novels worth of content. The world is so massive and so rich with back-story that you could possibly create an entire world with just some of the content on offer.

Stories in games are getting grander in scope as well, spawning entire sub-plots and different universes. Just look at some of the content that has been created within the world of the Halo franchise and even that of Gears of War. Games where you “mindlessly” shoot random creatures in the face have entire universes and side stories that it would make your head spin.

Sure, you get some games that exist for the sole purpose of being mindless fun and that’s okay. Sometimes that’s all we need. But show some respect to the scope and the potential that games have for brilliantly mastered stories.

That title is a little harsh I will admit, but it pretty much sums up my point in one short sentence. You want more? I will give you more. Over the course of still newly fresh 2013 we have already experienced some of the most violent arguments and debates that has ever graced the shores of the gaming industry. Some of these arguments can be perceived as totally reckless and pure fiction when it comes to the subject matter. Before I delve into the details of this topic let me give you a statement: Ignorant people always have the biggest opinions. Sometimes the more ignorant they are the bigger the opinions get. I read it on some picture recently and it touched me because of its truth. Especially with regard to this subject in particular.

We all know the hate that DmC Devil May Cry has been getting since its launch and it’s no secret that the community and “hardcore fans” are upset with the direction of the reboot. This has all been well documented and I personally covered it on more than one occasion, but I have recently noticed something that just pissed me off. I was just lurking around Twitter as I do and I came across a certain user that caught my eye. The guy made an account and all he has since making that account is harass Ninja Theory staff members and saying that DmC was a load of shit. How disgraceful and pathetic do you need to be to take time out of your day just to express your utter distaste towards something that doesn’t satisfy you?

That wasn’t the worst part believe it or not. The worst part is when I was scrolling through his timeline and saw that he never played the game because it’s “too shit to even touch”. Let me get this straight for a second. You created a Twitter account for the sole purpose of expressing your hatred for a specific game and you never even played it? Just how? To put it into another perspective, it would be like telling all your friends that a burger from a restaurant is the worst thing you have ever eaten and you even went so far as spray painting “your food is shit” on the chef’s car door, but you never actually ate the thing in the first place.

That’s a bit to the extreme of the spectrum and I know that this guy is an outlier when it comes to the hatred for the game, but I’ve seen it on more than one occasion already. Just taking a look at the user Metacritic scores can make you realise that these people that actively hate the game have no experience with the game whatsoever. Some put up scores weeks before the game even released. My question is this: are their opinions valid? Do they get a say in something that they never in played? It’s certainly a tricky question to answer.

Gamers need to realise that they first have to play the damn game first before they can go to such extremes. If you played it all the way to the end and still feel the same way then it’s your right to voice your grievances as long as you give rational and substantial evidence to back up your claims. Don’t just fire into the dark and expect people to take you seriously. It’s been a thorn in my side for a long time because this is certainly not the first instance of this happening. I still remember when Mass Effect 3′s controversies hit that there were people that never even played the series said that the game was horrible and should burn in Hell all because there were other people saying that the ending was bad.

Play the game, talk about it rationally and we might even get some civilized debates going over real issues. Not something completely made up because you just need to have an opinion. I would much rather respect someone’s opinion when they give me valid evidence and proof that they played the game and know what they are talking about.

What do you think? Do you think that gamers need to play the games they are hating or are their opinions still valid to a degree?

Ever wonder what a character in a game would be doing if they were not doing some sort of Earth saving task? Well, I have. These random things pop into my head all the time as I’m playing my games. Most of these things are strange and would make a normal person question their sanity, but I have asked myself stuff such as, “when do they find the time to go take a leak,” or, “they haven’t slept in days, should I trust their judgement?” and various other weird things.

Game characters always have these massive burdens thrown onto their shoulders and they are always expected to do the right thing and make everything okay again, but what if they were just average Joes? Regular people working a 9 to 5, earning a pension and occasionally spend time with their family, or with themselves. Let’s look what our favourite heroes would have done if they put their specialities into some honest labour.

Commander Shepard – Politician

The man has a way with words. Nobody can deny that. Whether Shepard has to convince someone to do something or decide the fate of a much larger problem, he always knows exactly what to say. Count how many times Shepard was speechless during the entire Mass Effect trilogy and you would understand my point. What profession would a charismatic and convincing sweet-talker have?

A dirty, filthy politician that’s what. Shepard could use his tools of manipulation to get exactly what he wants. He can give speeches that would make Hitler shudder in his boots. He can convince the public to be on his side mere moments after talking to them. Of course he would first have to bang the entire White House.

The Prince – Window Cleaner

What would you do when you can run along walls and hang onto one ledge for an eternity? It’s pretty obvious that the Prince of Persia would be one excellent cleaner of windows with his constant disregard for his own life and his pathological apathy for amazing heights. He could make serious money off it too if he decides to put his acrobatic skills to use and make a show out of it for the lifeless people inside the massive skyscrapers that he would clean.

There are probably more extravagant professions that need someone who can back flip over poles and run along walls with almost no grip, but this one would probably be the most practical application. The Prince is one nimble guy so he can finish the Empire State Building in a few hours flat. That is if he doesn’t spill soap on his boots and fall to his death. Even then he just has to collect some sand on the way down and he would be fine.

Geralt The White - Gigolo

Throughout the entire Witcher series Geralt could potentially get any woman he wanted without trying. I don’t know if a white ponytail and a massive scar gets the ladies revved up, but Geralt always manages to have delicious coitus with every female he meets. This skill can be used to enter the oldest profession known to man and that is to sell his body. The man doesn’t get tired of it at all and can go for days without taking a break. Quite the lucrative opportunity if you ask me.

Geralt has a way with the ladies and I believe that if he stands on a street corner saying “hey” in that musky deep voice of his, he would be earning the dough so fast he wouldn’t know what to do with it. Other than buy hundreds of grapeshots.

Marcus Fenix – Bike Mechanic

Just look at the dude. He looks like he can lift a short bus filled with obese American children without breaking a sweat. He also looks like he can grow a killer handlebar moustache and start listening to Motorhead. That’s what makes him ideal for the wonderful world of fixing bikes. He is so buff that he can just pick up the things and start ripping out parts with his bare hands. He also has the body to don one killer looking leather jacket with badges ranging from “I have a chainsaw gun in my pants” to “I heart Dom” and so forth.

Who knows, he might get a hit TV show on Discovery Channel (or more recently, History Channel because building stuff is history now) and get a son that he can shout and throw midgets at.

Isaac Clarke – Engineer

You know, do the thing that he trained for years to do? Throughout the entire Dead Space series, poor Isaac had to use his cutting tools to cut off the limbs of random people on a ship and use his engineering degree to fix some elevators and nothing else. The poor man had to go through years of college and copious amounts of studying just to get where he was.

Engineers have it rough in the future it seems. Especially when there’s a bunch of psychos running around with knives for arms. I think Isaac would much rather like to cut off a pipe on a ship than have to go through blood covered hallways and shoot people in the face with a tool that was designed to cut pieces of metal.

Conclusion

There are tons more game characters out there and this feature only scratched the surface. What profession do you think some of your favourite characters would be suited for? Come on, show me some creativity.

That is the question. Horribly misquoted Shakespeare catchphrases aside, reboots have been a spicy topic in the game industry in recent times. Almost all of the old games (ages range from 6-10 years) have decided to change the direction of the series and go with something new. Now, we can see that this has caused some controversy and the painfully obvious example has to be DmC Devil May Cry. I’m not going to divulge too much into the topic of the game’s quality because nobody has got time for that and it might take hours.

What I want to focus on are reboots in general. We see it everywhere these days. Movies, series and in some rare cases even books. Is it a bad thing? I don’t think so and here’s why. Reboots are good because it gives us something new. That’s the extent of it. We are being thrown with sequels left right and center for years now and some of them have admittedly started to stagnate. We get the same stuff over and over again with a new coat of paint and some random stuff thrown in and that can cause us to not enjoy the games anymore.

Reboots give us the chance to experience something new, but with the same characters and mythos that we have grown accustomed to as a series has grown. It’s a way for us to experience new things in terms of gameplay, but with styles and signature moves still present. I’m all for reboots. It’s something that I think we desperately need in the gaming industry. What would it be like if the same Tomb Raider game was released every second year with the same Lara Croft and the same platforming systems? We would grow tired of it. Now, they took the source material and made it into something that has almost nothing to do with the more “traditional” Tomb Raider elements, but still retains some of the franchise’s key features such as Lara Croft herself and some overall concepts.

It’s good and it works. I’ve expressed my love for DmC many times and wish that more people can just give it a shot before completely throwing it under the table because Dante looks like he belongs in an electronic “metal band”. There will always be people that disagree with stuff and with the topic of reboots it’s no different. Some want to stick purely with the traditional elements and they voice their concerns quite loudly. Some even go so far to take it to the government of the biggest country in the world (well done on that by the way). What these people fail to understand is that we need change. If there isn’t any change then everything will become the same and systematically wither and die.

This is just my personal take on it and I would love to hear some feedback from you lovely folks. Do you like reboots or do you think they can die in Davy Jones’ locker while on fire and melting? If so, then why.

Welcome to the world of 1′s and 0′s. Where everything your heart can ever desire can be obtained by a simple click or push of a button. All that is required of you is a little bit of your time and patience. We live in an exciting time and some of us are lucky enough to be born into it. These days, everything you could possibly want is available to you through the majesty that is the internet. Can this be beneficial in any way or does it rather do more damage than good? This is all up to you.

My first brush with the digital revolution came with me downloading a cheap game on Xbox LIVE’s Games On Demand. It wasn’t a particularly good game, but for the low price of 1200 MSP, I couldn’t resist. It took quite a while to download because of its almost 6 Gb size, but the wait wasn’t that long thanks to my moderately quick line. Now, this isn’t that big of a deal to some of you hardcore PC gamers out there that use Steam on a daily basis. Downloading full games is almost second nature to you already and some even use it exclusively.

My question is this: what does the future hold for this so called digital age? If you look at some of the new games on offer on the Games On Demand marketplace you can see that their prices are almost exactly the same. This can’t be right now can it? Why do you have to pay the exact same price for a game that’s only process of delivery is a progress bar? Let’s have a look at what physical copies require: They need to be physically made with plastic for the covers, paper for the sleeves and the disks need to be made as well with their own graphics and so forth. They need to shipped to all the suppliers around the globe in various countries with planes, boats and what have you. They then need to be shipped to shops that are both brick and mortar shops and online shops. Finally, the people that have ordered them online have to get their copy in one way or another. Can you see the massive process that has to take place?

If you download your game digitally the most strain the can be caused is with the servers responsible for the downloading of the game. There’s also a user behind a computer screen shouting “Yes!” every time the progress bar moves by 1%. Why are these two mediums of delivery equally priced? It just doesn’t make any sense. What game companies need to do, in my opinion, is drop the price of their digital copies to a more reasonable price. Maybe 20-40% less than what they are now. To give people more incentive to buy the more expensive physical copy they have to include more exclusive stuff. No, not the shoddy DLC deals they give now, but stuff you can actually touch. Include a poster or a nice booklet containing artwork that’s not just exclusive to the limited edition. Make the cover pretty and inviting. That’s how you do it.

I’m in full support for the digital age because I’ve seen how convenient it can be. Rather than go through an arduous process of ordering a game online or finding time in my day to go to a shop, I just click a button and wait a while. When it’s done I can play it instantly without any hassles. There’s also the benefit of having the game with you at all times without having to schlep around game disks everywhere. Also, for the lazy people, you don’t have to get up from your couch to put the damn disk in.

The only problem that I have with digitally downloaded games is that you can’t sell them at all. A big deal for some frugal gamers out there is the ability to sell games and buy new ones because of tight budgets and so on. I know a few gamers that live exclusively off selling their games as soon as possible and using that profit to buy a new game. It works for them and allows them to be the best gamer that they can be. With digital games, that’s not the case. Once you buy it, you’re stuck with it until you delete it. What I propose is that we can use a system that’s similar to Steam’s gifting system where you give the licence to somebody else and you’re not allowed to use it at all. If that can be implemented then the second hand games debate can be put to rest once and for all.

The digital age is scary. Some of us don’t have the internet speeds to fully experience this and some might prefer their physical copies rather than have a file on their PC or Xbox. It’s still a long bumpy road before we can fully embrace the digital era, but I’m excited for it.

Dead Space 3 has come under scrutiny from the gaming community in recent times because of its more action-orientated gameplay. Visceral Games have reported to be very upset with these remarks so they have taken it upon themselves to improve their game to the community’s taste. What they have found through targeted research is that gamers wanted more horror and creepy atmospheres for the next game in the series. Visceral have since released an early concept of the next game and urge the community to provide feedback.

Here are the ideas and concepts that have been proposed:

Following the criticisms that the new Dead Space titles don’t feature enough horror elements, we have come up with a new, groundbreaking version of Dead Space called Dead Space: Dark Walker (name not official) and the main idea is this: Isaac has to traverse a gigantic hallway with flickering lights and blood covered walls. This idea may sound simple, but the horror possibilities are almost endless. Isaac has no suit on and only wears a pair of boxers with the words “want to see my Plasma Cutter?” written in Comic Sans across the crotch region. The feeling of nakedness is meant to convey vulnerability and helplessness as well as the fear of having your penis sliced in half.

Isaac has no weapons just to strengthen the feeling of vulnerability and can only use presets shouts such as “Oh shit!” and “Mother of ovaries!”. The corridor itself only has a few flickering lights and the walls are entirely covered in blood and have trace amounts of urine and semen. The semen is also a big mystery that has to be solved later in the game. As Isaac walks there will be doors that randomly open and reveal horrible monstrosities with legs for heads and flying butt birds that fart instead of squawk. These monsters don’t really do anything of significance other than stand there and scream obscenities at Isaac trying to get him to give up and die. Some of the more bigger monsters will be able to injure Isaac, but those injuries are internal such as hallucinations and violent diarrhea.

There will be no soundtrack, but in its place are people constantly screaming and feint sounds of children boiling in hot oil. It’s incredibly atmospheric and it’s guaranteed to make you feel uneasy and horrified at all times. The game has an average play time of over 30 hours of solid walking and that’s not even counting the times when Isaac breaks down and cries if a monster so much as mentions his ex-girlfriend. There will be no shooting of any sort within the game and it’s purely designed to scare you as much as possible. There’s a special surprise at the end of corridor if you manage to complete the entire game without committing suicide with a butter knife.

Visceral have pledged to not make the same mistakes with their next installment and aim to provide a pure horror experience instead of shooting and dismembering. Watch out for this one. It might blow your mind.

In recent years there has been a lot of ups and downs in the gaming world, with hundreds of changes and happenings. Games are being blamed for violent acts, receiving negative media attention and constantly being debated by people who have absolutely nothing to do with the sector. Gaming has evolved into something massive and it has become a part of people’s lives regardless of their demographic. With all that’s been happening, one can be excused for losing touch with the core principles of gaming. I’m here to remind you.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is why we game.

Fulfilment

You come home after a long day of work/university and feel that you haven’t done anything with your day. It was just the same boring grind for hours on end, and at the end of the day you’re just a hollow husk of a human being devoid of all happiness. This is where gaming steps in. Gaming makes life worth living, simple as that. There’s nothing like looking forward to playing an amazing game when you’re done with your “obligations” for the day. It gives you something to be happy about in your life.

Gaming is there to fill your life with joy. Gaming completes you.

Escapism

Living is difficult. There are horrible uncertainties, unrealistic expectations and arduous processes waiting for you around every corner. Sometimes it can get too much and that’s when depression hits. It’s a rocky road and nobody is willing to help you out because they are too busy with their own struggles. You sometimes just want to escape it all. I think we all know what word I’m going to use next. Gaming. It’s a chance for you to step into an imaginary world with possibilities that seem impossible. It’s a tool you can use to disregard the outside world and experience a place you call your own.

You can use it to elude all the pressure that has been placed on your shoulders, and just whisk off into a place where the world is truly your playground.

Immersion

Immersion can also be associated with escapism, but on a more deeper level of feeling. Gaming gives you the chance to fully merge yourself with something that should not even exist at all. Seriously, where else can you be a demon/angel hybrid with a massive sword and dual pistols, or a human that became a god and slays beings that are bigger than mountains. Where else can you assume control of someone that has to save an entire galaxy from an imposing threat? Gaming gives you that ability.

Immersion is the cornerstone of gaming. If you don’t feel that overwhelming connection with a fictional world with fictional people, then you’re doing it wrong.

Accomplishment

You usually see gamers at the top of leaderboards, or those that strive to be the best at a certain game. This is all for the feeling of accomplishment. Something inside tells them to be the best, and some of them go for it and actually succeed. It’s an amazing feeling when you see your name in a top 10 leaderboard, or know that you are one of very few people who can accomplish a certain thing in a game. Some gamers even take it to the next level and do it professionally.

You also get gamers who obsess with completing absolutely everything in a game. It’s a hard feeling to describe, but when you finally complete the task, you get a sudden rush of euphoria and a feeling of: “I have done it. I have actually done it.” It’s an addictive feeling, I can tell you that much.

Knowledge

Not only is gaming a form of enjoyment, but it can also be a learning tool. It sounds ridiculous because games have always been associated with mindless fun, but this is certainly not the case. A multitude of gamers can all agree that games have given them a sense of intelligence and understanding in one way or another. A good example is Assassin’s Creed III’s American Revolution theme that used facts and actual events to play out the story. I, personally, had no idea what the American Revolution entailed or consisted of, but after playing the game I found that I gained a much better understanding. This is just one example, there’s hundreds more.

Games teach you basic things such as vocabulary, and even a bit of geography. It sounds stupid, but pay attention next time you play a game and discover just how much you can actually learn from it.

Entertainment

The core fabric of everything gaming. We do it for fun. That’s why we’re drawn to it and that’s why we do it. While it also incorporates some of the reasons above, the simple explanation is that we just want to enjoy ourselves and have a great time. Whether you enjoy shooting people in the face or building absurd structures with blocks, there is something for everyone. You play it to get the smile on your face that you desperately need and want. It really is ‘all fun and games’.

Conclusion

With all the negativity that has surrounded gaming for so long, I feel that we need to just take a step back and consider why we game. It’s not to cuss at other people or be negative about everything. It’s not to cause controversy or divides within itself. It’s for fulfilment. For escaping to a different world. For immersion. For a sense of accomplishment. And for a better understanding of the world.

Anarchy Reigns is a beat ‘em up where you hit dudes in the face with fists attached to massive men that are about the same size as a refrigerator crossed with a truck or dudes that look like they belong in an anime Twilight series. That’s basically it. You would be forgiven to think that there would be a lot more to this game, but there really isn’t. There could have been a lot more done to it, but instead you get a meager offering that’s barely worth your time and energy. It has some redeeming qualities, but they are far outnumbered by the faults. Let’s break it down shall we.

When you hit the new game option you watch a little cutscene  that introduces a lot of the central characters and after a while, two characters walk by each other and you are given a choice. Join the black side or the white side. It’s not as racist as it sounds believe me. The black side is composed of a massive muscle-bound-chainsaw-arm-wielding beast called Jack Cayman (which you may remember from MadWorld). He is on a journey to mess up the guy involved with the death of his daughter. He is also a well known “chaser” which in basic terms mean “bounty hunter”.

The white side consists of a skinny tech-heavy-blue-arm-sword-wielding guy with an emo haircut called Leo. He is a member of a security team that have to also find the guy that Jack is looking for. That guy was his mentor and he really looked up to him. The guy that they are both chasing has gone mad and pretty much lost his marbles. It’s up to you to choose what side you want to be on and which character you relate to the most. This might be a tough decision, but it won’t matter much because midway through the game you will change sides anyway and play as the other guy.

Anarchy Reigns is set in an almost post-apocalyptic world where corruption has reigned and destruction is everywhere. The citizens are also mutated and damn near out of their minds. In turn you get environments that have taken he turn for the worse and have started degrading and falling apart due to excessive damage. The citizens attack everyone in sight that they do not like and gigantic mutants roam the streets with massive hammers. Yeah, I couldn’t make much sense of it either.

When you pick your character you get thrown into a city with a bunch of enemies trying to attack you. Anarchy Reigns adopted an almost free roaming angle with regards to the progression of the game. There are various enemies roaming around the area just waiting for you to mess them up. What you need to do is kill enough enemies to earn enough points to unlock missions. These missions can be one of two things: side missions or story missions. Side missions are your regular “kill X amount of enemies” and “escort this jackass to point A and B without this jackass dying” things and it occasionally mixes it up with races or more challenging enemies. Story missions are for all intents and purposes boss battles. These boss battles range from human enemies to a goddamn Kraken. They are well varied and almost fun to do at times.

After completing all of the missions you move to a different hub area where you do it all over again only this time it’s in a new location with slightly different enemies. The environments are bordering on interesting with unique locations and settings, but they are so dull and emotionless that you will find yourself bored of them in a matter of minutes. It doesn’t help that the game’s graphics aren’t that great to start off with. It’s not horrible, but it’s also nothing special.

Anarchy Reigns’ biggest flaw is surprisingly its combat. It’s a simple system composed of basic attacks, heavy attacks and jumping attacks. You also have something called a Killer Weapon which is your super move. You only get a limited amount of attacks in the form of a gauge that fills up as you deal damage or take damage. In Jack’s case, he has a chainsaw arm capable of doing massive swipes and killing lots of enemies and Leo has his arm blades that have almost the same effect. You also have an ability called Rampage that you can use when a gauge fills up throughout your battles. This turns your character into a killing machine that has attacks with increased damage at higher speeds and makes you regenerate health. You can also infinitely use your Killer Weapon.

The problem with this system is that it’s severely limited. That’s all you have at your disposal. There aren’t any moves you learn later on or some sort of upgrade system to improve those attacks. That’s all you can do throughout the entire admittedly long campaign. It’s just a giant waste of potential and something that is sorely missed. For a while I thought that the points I was earning in combat were some sort of XP, but it was just for unlocking the next thing that I can do.

The battles that take place throughout the game are sometimes frantic and even bordering on fun, but if you’re doing the same thing over and over for hours on end then it does tend to become boring and even repetitive as much as I loath using that word. After playing for about five hours, you start to realise that you’re not having fun at all and just doing the same thing you have been doing since you started the game. You will find yourself bored and looking to play something else in almost no time at all.

The game has some redeeming qualities. The characters you meet on your journey are colourful and interesting albeit a bit stereotypical. A black pimp with enough bling and glitter to make Edward Cullen blush, gold chains, a pimp hat and using the phrase “Oh hell naaaw” way too many times. An Asian girl that talks like she’s straight out of an anime with a ridiculously unpractical hairstyle and speaks in Engrish. Do you understand now? Even with these ridiculously obvious stereotypes, they still have a certain uniqueness and quirkiness about them and it’s pleasant to interact with them at times. They do make a lot of jokes and some of them are actually pretty funny.

These side characters also sometimes join you in battle and you even have the option to use them in the battle if you want which gives the game a little more variation, but not enough to become entertaining. Their attacks are almost exactly the same as Jack or Leo’s with the only difference being the Killer Weapon. Still, it’s nice to have something different in this otherwise monotonous game.

When you are done with the black or white side and completed the final boss battle, you start the entire game from the start with the opposite of the side you picked. All that has changed are some of the boss battles and the main character. Otherwise it’s exactly the same even with the same side missions and environments. There’s no variation at all and you’re just doing the same thing with a skinnier or fatter version of yourself with a few different cutscenes.

The music consists of “gangster rap” and some techno. It’s as unpleasant as it sounds. It’s very tacky and out of place that it’s almost laughable. It’s grinding on the ears and you will want to mute it and play better music on your phone. There’s nothing redeeming about it whatsoever. It’s not bombastic and encouraging it’s just there for the sake of being there.

The multiplayer is where the real party is at because you get to choose from a huge list of characters each with their own special features and moves (that you have to unlock in the main campaign which is a schlep of note) and you can potentially use them in full on 16 player battles. The problem with the multiplayer is that it’s one massive inconvenience at times. If you are lucky enough to find a match then you have to wait for all players to be ready for the match to begin. It sounds simple, but there will be times where you’re waiting for one guy to initiate the match and he is either a troll or he killed himself on his couch. More often than not someone will leave the lobby and the whole process has to start over again. I have waited in a lobby where we only needed 8 players for literally 45 minutes until the match began. Every time it looked like the match was going to begin, somebody left and we had to wait for someone else again. It’s just one massive waiting game most of the time.

The actual matches are good fun with people just beating the hell out of each other with very different characters and super moves. It’s quite a spectacle and with a huge list of modes, there is something for everyone. If only it worked. One more waste of potential in a game that could have been so much more. That is what Anarchy Reigns is at its core. A game that has the potential and the means to be a great game, but in turn we got something mediocre and disappointing. It’s not absolutely horrible and it can be fun for a little while. Pick this game up if it’s cheap, but don’t expect to wowed.

When I first started my journey into DmC, I felt this instant connection to it. I could just play it well and not completely and utterly suck at every enemy encounter within the game. See, I’m usually extremely bad at hack-and-slash games and even with the previous Devil May Cry’s I sucked a big one. But something just clicked inside of me with this game. I was throwing stylish moves and knocking out enemies like they were nothing in no time. Before I knew it I had played 60 hours in the space of 7 days (holidays are great) and got a full 1000 GamerScore for the game. For that I had to complete 5 difficulty levels, collect all the collectibles, kill 5000 demons total, do all the secret missions and finally get a SSS-rank on every mission on the Nephilim setting which is essentially the “Hard” difficulty.

As you can clearly see, I was pretty obsessed with the game. I didn’t sleep until I did absolutely everything I could. With this, I would now like to help you out with some of the techniques I figured out for different enemies and just usual survival tips that would help you not die and get those ranks quickly. Note that most of these tips are only fully usable if you’re doing a second playthrough with all your weapons and most of your upgrades, but it’s also useful for the first one.

Survival And Rank Building

The only real survival technique you have on you is the ability to dodge. There are two types of dodges at your disposal if you upgrade them in your Abilities and those are Angel Evade and Demon Evade. Let’s start with the simpler of the two. Angel Evade gives you the skill to teleport yourself a lot further than the regular dodge. This can be a crucial tool in your arsenal especially with larger enemies with broad attacks such as the Butcher and the Tyrant. It’s also particularly useful with quick enemies that use quick attacks such as the Rage and the Witch. Make it a habit to use this dodge every time something attacks in quick succession or if the attack is big and is tough to avoid. The reason for this is that it grants you a little bit of invincibility that you can use to your advantage. You can be a teleporting madman waiting for the perfect time to strike if you so choose.

Demon Evade is the more useful of the two. When used correctly it gives you a significant damage boost to your weapons, most notably the Demonic weapons Arbiter and Eryx. This is amazingly useful because it dispatches enemies like they are nothing with its massive damage capabilities just as long as you don’t get hit in the process. When used right it can dispatch a high HP foe such as the Butcher in just a few seconds. The Demon Evade has to be done at precisely the right time before an enemy’s attack so it can be a little tricky to pull off at first, but with enough practice it can become second nature to you. By using Demon Evade effectively I have completed levels filled with strong enemies with almost no damage done to Dante at all.

Combat rank building almost directly coincides with Demon Evade seeing as just a few hits from a fully charged Arbiter can throw you into the S ranks in just one hit and more so if it’s done to a more powerful enemy. Rebellion is also a very good weapon to increase your rank score seeing as it does a considerable amount of damage. The combat rank system works in such a way that it mainly counts the damage you are doing to an enemy to improve the rank. This can be used to your advantage in more ways than one. You can use the mentioned Demon Evade trick or use Rebellion on weaker enemies in quick succession to improve your score. Once you get the hang of this you will get SSS ranks in no time at all.

Another skill that you can use to gain the upper hand is surprisingly the Angel Glide. Using that you can gain yourself some breathing time to formulate strategies or just use it to get away from more menacing enemies. This works surprisingly well against Rages when they, you know, rage and start spinning around Sonic the Hedgehog style.

Useful Attacks

There are many attacks available to you as you get your weapons, but the best attacks must be purchased with upgrade points. Thankfully, these are easily obtainable in the beginning of the game and before you know it you will have these attacks at your disposal. There are a lot more attacks, but I found these the most useful.

Rebellion’s Overdrive: An attack where you charge up your sword and it send out ranged slashes to your enemies. It has high damage and is capable of killing enemies from a distance very quickly. It’s also a very nice crowd control attack where it can attack multiple enemies at the same time. It builds ranks like crazy too. This attack is probably the most useful attack of the whole game because it’s both ranged and powerful. Two very important components for surviving. It’s also risky because when the animation plays for the attack, you can’t dodge so that leaves you vulnerable to attacks from nearby enemies.

Arbiter’s Trinity Smash: The powerhouse attack of your whole arsenal. It’s extremely powerful and can destroy enemies in no time. It’s a bit slow to initiate, but when you do it deals massive damage and devastates anything it touches. Even better when you have the Demon Evade bonus added into the smash.

Aquila’s Round Trip: The attack that will probably save you a lot of hassle. This attack can help you keep enemies away and lets you focus on tougher enemies that are busting your balls. It’s also useful to use the Arbiter at its full force especially on weaker enemies because it doesn’t send them flying off into a corner, it holds them in place. Couple this with Trinity Smash and you’re golden.

Aquila’s Tornado: This attack is the ultimate crowd control move especially against weaker enemies such as the Stygians and Minor Rages. When you use Tornado it takes all the enemies along with you so by the end of the attack you have multiple enemies bundled into one corner. You can then use Rebellion and deal damage against the large group at once or even better yet, use Arbiter.

Osiris’ Shredder: Shredder can help you immensely with Ghost Rages because it keeps them in the air and away from mauling you with their extremely fast attacks. It’s also useful when you want to juggle multiple opponents at once.

Enemy Tactics

Stygians

Stygians are the basic “cannon fodder” enemies that appear throughout the whole game. There are three types of Stygians: Lesser, Normal and Elite. All function basically the same, but with different health and capabilities. They are easily dispatched with any weapon you choose and no real strategy has to be implemented for them. Have fun and slash away.

Ravagers

Ravagers are enemies with chainsaw arms. Won’t get a better explanation than that. They are extremely annoying in pairs because they can just juggle you with their long attacks for as long as they want. they charge at you with considerable speed and it’s sometimes tricky to avoid them. The key to defeating them quickly is to keep them occupied as much as possible. The best way is to use the Aquila’s Round Trip attack seeing as it interrupts their storming attack in its tracks, but you can also just launch them in the air and dispatch them with Rebellion. A tricky, but effective method is to use the Rebellion’s Overdrive attack that can take them out from a distance. The risk of this is that they can sometimes charge at you and interrupt the attack.

Knights

Knights are enemies that use shields for their primary defense. They block almost all attacks except from demonic weapons and some angelic weapon moves. There are three types: Death, Frost and Hell. Death Knights are easy because they can be taken out with Arbiter or Eryx and the most effective method to defeat them is to use the Arbiter’s Tremor attack that sends them flying into the air and allows you to juggle them with Rebellion. Frost Knights are the most annoying because angelic weapons don’t do a lot of damage to them, but their weakness is the Osiris’ Shredder that sends them hurtling into the air and destroys their shield. It’s worth noting that Round Trip does a lot for you when they lose their shields. Hell Knights have the same tactic as Death Knights. Also note that on both the Death and Hell Knights you can use Demon Pull to remove their shields to make them a little easier.

Bathos And Pathos

These flying bastards can be a huge annoyance because they can mess up your combo if you don’t dispatch them quickly enough. The easiest method of taking them out is with Demon Pull and a subsequent shot from the Revenant into their faces. These enemies also carry around a shield sometimes and you just have to Demon Pull them twice and then shoot them in the face. Overdrive also works wonders, but it can be tricky to aim the attack at them especially if there are multiple enemies on the ground. Good camera angling can fix that problem.

Harpies

Harpies deal quick attacks and are also very annoying when you want to build a combo because their attacks literally come out of nowhere sometimes. When you see a group make sure they take priority before you take anything else on. As the game explained when you meet them you can shoot their wings off with firearms. Revenant is a godsend when it comes to these bastards because it sometimes takes their wings out in one shot. Just Angel Lift towards them and shoot them right in their faces and take them out on the ground. A good strategy for when you don’t really want to deal with them is to shoot their wings off when they are flying above a hole in the ground or any place with a long drop and they will fall to their deaths.

Tyrants

Tyrants were always my favorite enemy to fight because they gave me a SSS combat ranking in a matter of seconds. The trick here is to wait until they charge you and carefully Demon Evade out of the way. Then turn around and Demon Pull them to the ground and start whacking them with your charged Arbiter. Works wonders for your combo and also your score. Their charge is easy to avoid and with practice you can perfectly Demon Evade every time and kill them rather quickly. Just watch out when they go into rage mode because they can be quite formidable then. They do tend to cool off pretty quickly so you don’t have much to worry about.

Witches

Absolutely the most annoying common enemy on later difficulties. Their constant shields and swords will always manage to piss you off. The trick with them is to use Round Trip on them at all times even when it destroys their shield. Also a tactic to use is to Demon Pull her summoned swords and throw them back at her, sometimes breaking her shield for you. She’s pretty vulnerable when her shield goes down so once you get the shield down use Round Trip, Angel Lift to her and start going to town with either Arbiter or Rebellion.

Butchers

These big saw-toting bastards can be a real challenge at times. They throw saw blades at you from a distance and their close range attacks also devastate your health. There are two ways to deal with these guys: the safe and slow way and the risky way. The safe and slow way is to just stay at a distance and use Overdrive. It works wonders and can sometimes take them out in only a few charges. Be careful though because they might throw saw blades at you while you’re doing the attack and you have no way to dodge them. The risky way is to go right at their tank and start hitting with Arbiter or Eryx. When he tries to hit you from close range, perfectly Demon Evade out of the way and use that wonderful damage boost to kill them quickly. The risks of this are obvious because you might not always evade on time. Just make sure you stay away when his tank starts exploding. Also, Angel Evade works well with their long range saw attacks.

Rages

These quick puppies can be a real nuisance at times because of their extremely fast and devastating attacks. Once again, Round Trip is particularly useful with them whether they’re in a pack or are individual. It keeps them incapacitated so you can use your heavy attacks against them however you want. There are also three types of rages similar to the Death Knights: Normal, Ghost and Blood. Normal Rages are simple enough if you follow the Round Trip trick and attack them whenever you can. Ghosts are the hardest of the bunch because they only take damage from angelic weapons, but like Frost Knights, Shredder works wonders for them as well as Round Trip. Blood Rages can only be damaged with demonic weapons so Round Trip is out of the picture, but you can use Eryx’s uppercut to quickly get them in the air and juggle them. Demon Pull is also very useful.

This goes for all three: When they start raging and start doing that powerful spin attack, your best bet is to jump and Angel Glide around until they are calm again. Don’t try to engage them when they are on full rage because they will make you a new asshole.

Dreamrunners

Saved the best for last. These lightning fast fuckers are probably the most annoying of all the enemy types. They are easy enough alone, but in pairs they are just horrible. Dreamrunners are super agile and can block or parry your attacks almost every time. They key to defeating one is to wait until he does that teleporting move he does, wait until you hear the sound of the next teleport spot and quickly Demon Evade out of the way. You have about a 3-4 second window in which he is vulnerable to your attacks and if you managed to get the Demon Evade perfectly you can hit him with Arbiter, but preferably Eryx because of its faster attacks. Another way is to use the Revenant’s Charge Shot when he comes out of the portal and make him explode while he is waltzing about, making him vulnerable to your attacks.

In pairs, these fuckers are horrible, but they only spawn in twos when you’re on a higher difficulty with remixed enemy waves. You can use the methods I have provided, but chances are you’re going to get slashed so your best course of action is to activate Devil Trigger and dispatch them quickly. They aren’t hard once you learn their pattern by heart so don’t worry about them too much. You can sometimes take one out without ever losing health.

Conclusion

DmC’s combat is all about practice. Once you learn how to take out enemies effectively you will have an absolute blast. After playing my 5 playthroughs, I started again on Nephilim for the SSS ranks and I hardly lost health let alone died. You can become absolutely amazing at this game if you just put some time into it. Now go out there and slay some demons.

What do get when you cross 80′s style graphics, hundreds of parodies, hilarious dialogue and pure carnage? This game. Yes, it’s that simple really. Retro City Rampage started out as project that attempted to recreate GTA III for the NES in 8-bit glory and then it systematically evolved into its own game altogether with its own story and characters. This was a good decision because the end product that we received is quite a sight to behold.

You play as The Player. You could be excused for thinking that it’s a silly name, but doesn’t it just say everything in one succinct phrase? Player is part of a crime syndicate with a leader called The Jester. You and his merry bunch of criminals pull off a bank heist where things don’t go exactly according to plan. Before you know it you’re taken into the past by what seems to be a 8-bit DeLorean and you’re being greeted by a character called The Doc. Ring any bells? Well, that’s just the beginning of all the various references and parodies that this game has to offer.

Nostalgia is a powerful feeling. Whether you’re looking at your old high school photo’s or reminiscing about a time where you’re life wasn’t a complete tangled mess of responsibility and debt, nostalgia helps you achieve a certain level of happiness. Retro City Rampage (RCR from now on) achieved that greatly with references to classic video games such as Frogger, Legend of Zelda, Super Mario Brothers, Contra and Bionic Commando. If you were at all a gamer in your childhood then you will enjoy every minute of this game.

The same goes for pop culture references. Whether it’s classic films or modern happenings, they are scattered all over the place. I guarantee you that you will have a smile on your face every time you spot a reference to something you know about. There are so many parodies that the game even has to remind you everything is a parody, every time you start it up. All of these are done extremely well and you will find yourself hard pressed not to be in a better mood when you are playing the game.

Let’s get down to the gameplay. RCR incorporates many elements from the GTA franchise where you have a big world to explore and tons of missions that you can go to at any time. Of course there is also the killing civilians and stealing cars thing. You can also be involved in chases with the police that can turn pretty ugly pretty quickly. This all in 8-bit pixel graphics by the way. The word “Rampage” isn’t in the game’s title for nothing because you can blow shit up, run over people and explode cars to your heart’s content. If you so choose you can even buy various power ups that make the action even more frantic. It’s frivolous fun at it’s finest. I have a gripe with the game’s health meter as it goes down way too quickly from just a few injuries and interrupts your rampaging too much with instant death.

The gameplay is very smooth and responsive and the 8-bit graphics are really well done. Some great pixel art has been incorporated and the animations were done beautifully. I do have a problem with the shooting controls seeing as they can be a bit iffy and unresponsive. It’s also a little hard to aim at your desired target without spraying all your precious ammo everywhere.

There are tons of things to do within the world such as a wealth of story missions and challenges that you can play to get the best score. RCR will keep you entertained for a long while and you can be sure of that. Added to the game is the option of regular old free roaming where you can just go wild and rampage an entire city with unlimited ammunition and weapons. You can also play as “special guest stars” such as Super Meat Boy and ‘Splosion Man.

The soundtrack consists almost entirely out of 8-bit music that has been done by some pretty good composers. Once again, nostalgia is going to come flooding over you and remind you of your SNES days. It’s very well done and you can hear the effort that has been put into all of the music in the game. The sound effects are also of the 8-bit kind and some of them can be quite entertaining, but others can get a little on your nerves if they continually play each time you do something such as run over pedestrians.

Retro City Rampage is a game that you have to play just to get that nostalgic feeling. It’s also mindless fun with its insane free roaming destruction and murdering sprees. Pick this up if you like to laugh and just have a good time because Retro City Rampage certainly pulled it off.

Pretty bold statement wouldn’t you agree? I’ve been noticing things these past few years about the fellow gamers that I surround myself with. Most of these things are severely negative and just a small minority are positive. It’s gotten to a point where I can’t even go on the internet anymore and look at discussions because it only turns into a bloodbath and I end up frustrated and resenting life. What I’m talking about here is the hate, the negativity, the tormenting, the insulting, the belittling and the moaning that gamers have adopted in this day and age.

This column comes to you from the very fun, very amazing hack-and-slash reboot DmC: Devil May Cry that has recently released. The amount of human filth and pure unjustified hate I’ve seen regarding this game has frankly shocked me into a state of disbelief. I seriously thought that this whole story was just one massive trolling session, but it was not. It was genuine. And that frightens me. Is it possible for people to be so miserable and hateful over a dude’s haircut inside a virtual world? I don’t even…

I’ve talked to a writer that wrote an article about the user scores on Metacritic and calling those people unreasonable because that’s what they were. Those people haven’t even played the game because it wasn’t released yet and they gave the game 0′s and 2′s because of how Dante looked or some totally factitious reasons. When the article made publication, the writer was verbally attacked from all sides. One commenter even called the writer, and I quote: “a stupid autistic cunt”. How is that fair? How on Odin’s giant universe is that even remotely civilized?

I’m all for debate because it’s a good building tool to make things better, but resorting to hateful, unjustified insults just because you saw fit to jump on a bandwagon? That’s just pathetic beyond words. “Oh, but I have an opinion!” you might scream at me, but just take a look at yourself for a second here. Look at what you’re doing. You’re insulting a fellow gamer because he said something that was true and supported by evidence. He wasn’t provoking you or making fun of you, he was just stating facts.

Back to the topic of this column. It seems to me that games aren’t fun anymore. It has turned into a religion where any naysayers need to be burned at a stake and thrown with rocks. It has become so severely detached that people attack people that have the same interests as them. Games aren’t for fun anymore, they’re just platforms for deranged human beings to have screaming matches on. Nobody wants to enjoy gaming for what it is anymore, they just want to insult people that don’t agree with them over something no matter how trivial.

Gamers have turned into feral creatures that just want to attack people because it’s fun or something. The sad thing is that most gamers aren’t like this. The miserable and horrible people are actually in the minority. The people that enjoy gaming for what it is don’t really say anything when discussion starts happening and for good reason because they would just get mauled to death for saying something even remotely positive about anything.

Gaming has reached a low as far as community is involved. We have people calling each other horrible and demeaning things because they don’t play games on the same electronic box as they are. People so stubborn that if a game doesn’t appease their unrealistically high expectations that they actively shun and dismiss it at any moment they can. People that treat a single game like some sort of religious institution and if you so much as touch it, they burn you. It’s sickening. It makes me physically sick in my stomach.

What are games? They are a means of entertainment. What is entertainment? Something that satisfies you. Games are meant for fun. Something enjoyable that you can do when you’re not slaving around in the real world. Is it necessary to destroy its foundations and purpose? This all stinks of schoolyard bullshit where a bunch of kids start beating each other up just to see who is the most “badass” of them all. In the end, you’re just torturing yourself.

Have fun.

If not, then at least try.

Following the massive user backlash that DmC: Devil May Cry has been getting, Ninja Theory have stepped up to the plate and asked fans what they would want from them with regards to Dante’s appearance. Most of the hate has come from Dante looking “emo” and “faggish” to the more intelligent and socially superior gamers out there in the world. Their benevolence and absolute grandeur have been requested by the lowly Ninja Theory community managers to come up with a better suited appearance for our young demon slaying hero for their next installment in the reboot.

Ninja Theory are hesitant to release some of the ideas that these particular magical individuals gave because of their mind numbing greatness, but they did release a few prototypes just so we can experience the majesty.

Let’s look at these biblical ideas shall we? Note: Some of you male readers may experience exploding of the testicular area and some of the female readers might experience spontaneous combustion of panties.

• Dante is a giant lizard. His main weapon is the GoDZilla and his love interest is a donkey that has mutated into a giant wombat. The game takes place in a giant city with giant demons so Dante will be normal in size just to fill that loophole.
• Dante wears a swag hat and a shirt that says “YOLO” and uses the phrase “what is up hizzy” a lot. He is, in fact, still a Caucasian male and enjoys long walks to the beach and The Pet Shop Boys. His weakness is hot sauce.
• Dante’s hair is white and in an emo fringe. The Classic, this submitter stated before he tragically committed suicide with a damp washcloth and a Justin Bieber Discography.
• Dante has tattooed sleeves and an amazing back piece that is a pony fused with a man wearing a top hat and monocle and eating yogurt with a golden spoon made out of orphans. He is constantly on fire.
• Dante is white. Not the ethnic kind, no, he is purely white from head to toe. When he activates Demon Mode he turns a hot pink and the soundtrack to My Little Pony plays in the background. He has at least 16 sexual partners.
• Dante is a lab technician by day and a playboy at night. He sets apart 3.491 hours a day to fight demons with his TeslaROD and his EinsTeinal. Every piece of dialogue he speaks has a dick joke in it.
• Dante is an angel. Not the one with the halo on top with wings, one of Charlie’s Angels. To protect the company from lawsuits they had to rename Charlie to Carlos Fucking Metastasis. The other two “Ang3ls” are called Rubert and Bob and they both work nights at the local bakery AKA “The Lair”. Dante’s eyes burn at the sight of hot dogs.
• Dante looks exactly like he does in Devil May Cry 4, but this time his coat can transform into a Dog Raccoon hybrid. Dante became a ballerina because he had to “put all my style and finesse into something I love”.
• Dante is a black man that uses breakdancing as a form of stylish combat. His views on the stereotype of black men in society are firm and unmovable and he will strive hard to be unique in any or all aspects. The soundtrack is entirely composed of Tupac.
• Dante is an orphan of a highly feared demon and a goat. His main objective is climbing a city that’s basically an enormous Nicki Minaj. The entire game has a laugh track done by Heavy Metallers.

Ninja Theory thought it was fit to ask the community what they wanted the next Dante to look like and how the game should be because if their infinite knowledge and brilliant commenting skills. They have also recruited many of the Metacritic user reviewers to help out with the game because they seem to possess an almost supernatural ability to play games they haven’t even obtained yet. These psychic wonders of humankind will be sat in a room filled with infinite amounts of snack foods and beautiful men or women and asked what the game will be like before it releases.

I’ve always been a lover of the dark, the depressing and the morbid. The reason behind this is that it’s a far cry away from our normal, boring lives and provides something truly interesting and worth exploring. I’ve also been infatuated by dark and often depressing music, not just in metal, but in other genres as well. It’s just something different that you can let your mind roam around. Games have also adopted this dark, atmospheric mindset and I couldn’t be happier. Because it combines two things I love.

Lots of games shy away from being too depressed and morbid because, let’s face facts, games are designed to entertain you, not make you want to cut yourself with a broken bottle. You have to be like me and find comfort in the dark to fully embrace these games for what they are. They’re not for the weak willed at all.

Let’s look at some of the games that have embraced the dark.

Dishonored

Dishonored would probably be the winner if this was a top 5 list in any way, shape or form. Dishonored really turned up the dial when it came to intensely depressing and dark subject matters. I mean come on, what’s more messed up than rats eating a plague ridden corpse of a human in a shadowy corner in an alley-way. Mass graves filled with skinny, pale corpses of people that lived in absolute poverty and oppression. People with intense cases of a plague that poisons every other person around them. Damn, I loved this game.

Dishonored surely deserves some kind of award for the dark and morbid atmosphere it gave us and I, for one, appreciate it more than you would ever think.

Alice: Madness Returns

I’ve only recently played Alice and I can safely say that it’s as dark and depressing as my wallet after Christmas. In the game you play as Alice, a demented teenage girl who witnessed the death of her parents in a house fire. She copes with this by creating a world inside her head, and that world is just as deranged as she is. The game tackles adult subject matters, such as prostitution and abuse, when you’re not inside Alice’s dream world. The world is grey and devoid of any cheerfulness whatsoever. The world inside Alice’s head isn’t a fun-bear-happy-chocolates affair either, with horrible creatures and terribly disfigured characters roaming around.

It’s an epitome of fantasy morbidness, even if some of the activities in Wonderland are a bit comedic and ridiculous at times. Down the rabbit hole my ass, this is the pothole to a cartoony Hell.

Dante’s Inferno

What’s more dark than actually going to Hell? This poetic recreation of the Divine Comedy has you, Dante, go to the fiery pit of the abyss to rescue your beloved, and at the same time answer for your sins. If that’s not dark enough, the environments scream morbid and depressing. Climbing a wall that is made out of damned human souls that are going to spend the rest of eternity in a dark, fiery, unforgivable place devoid of all hope and solace. It’s enough to make you make think and terrify you of the idea of spending the rest of time in complete and utter torture and despair, alone from any comfort whatsoever with your only companion being the endless pain. Quite awesome.

There are also souls of the damned that sit around waiting for you to choose their fate. Do you horrendously chop them to pieces because of their sin or do you send them off to paradise where they can get a second chance. There are various circles of Hell, all with their own “theme” such as Gluttony or Lust that give variation in all manners of fucked up. It’s all very intriguing, just like the Divine Comedy itself, and I felt like this game really made me think with regards to my own mortality. Also, killing demons is always fun.

BioShock

Ah, the first game that really got me interested in the dark and depressing atmosphere. From the word go you can see that the underwater Utopia, Rapture, has suffered many blows and has been stripped from all happiness and hope. Denizens roam around its leaky hallways, itching for a drug that they so long for that they will die trying to obtain it. Housewives and mothers aimlessly walking around with no goal or hope, muttering strange words to themselves. It’s all very tantalizing and an absolute joy to explore and let your imagination run wild. Then there are the iconic characters that we all know so well. Andrew Ryan, anybody?

Little Sisters lurk around streets collecting residual drugs from the corpses of once successful and happy people. Let’s look at that again from a different angle. Little girls barely into their lives stick needles into dead people to collect the very substance that turned this place into an underwater hellhole. That’s some shit. Some good shit.

The Darkness

This one is too easy, because it’s already in the name. The first Darkness brought with it a very goth and almost melancholic demeanor about it, and that’s not even including the brilliant villain that we all know as The Darkness. Jackie Estacado was certainly a good sight for metalheads all around because of his style as well as the voice of the The Darkness. The game didn’t really bring the morbidness as much, but it still deserves points for being extremely atmospheric in its style. You also go to Hell at one point so there’s that, again. And let’s not forget the incredibly emotional scenes of Jenny’s death and Jackie’s subsequent break down. That break down might include black tentacles straight out of Satan’s playbox.

Truly an underrated game, and one I hold close to my heart because it was one of the games that introduced me to the fascinating world of the dark.

Conclusion

I think I might have mentioned dark, depressing and morbid a bit too much, but know that it’s not how I feel when I play these games. It’s just fascinating and that’s pretty much the sum of it. It’s something different from our normal, everyday existence and I’m happy that these games gave me the opportunity to explore these wonderful concepts and worlds.